ConcreteBoard

Quotesometimes i think abut how beautiful lena really is. she's apples. when i see apples i become aroused, because it makes me think of lena, and how they call her apple. i sometimes have to excuse myself quite frequently as i work in a fruit store. when i'm doing the apple stock-take, i feel close to orgasm. i might leave my job if it gets worse.

Quote940596710  I'm gay but act totally straight. The irony is that I despise the homosexual lifestyle because of the way I was raised. I'm a conservative, straight-laced, southern, Republican college student. I despise the idea of living with a man however, especially a flaming homosexual.

QuoteI masturbate to shemales.

QuoteI've called in sick for the past three days because I have a stronger desire to drink than to deal with that shtein. I've been on a bender and I'm not ashamed. I go back tomorrow and can't wait to lie and said I had the flu. farg you all, idiots!

Quotesometimes i like to get lots of toilet paper to catch my turds
before they hit the water. then i can give them a good examine.

Quote
I really really want to cum on a girls face.

Any girl really, but prefferably one with glasses.

You know, for eye protection.

QuoteAfter my 17 cousin taught me about sexual intercourse when I was 14, I started grinding on her 12 year old sister. By the time I was 17, her sister and I were grinding on one another naked. It was one of the most fun times I ever had.

QuoteMy girlfriend just broke up with me and I think all of the reasons why she broke up with me made perfect sense. I don't care about the relationship, I can't hold a steady job, I don't know the meaning of hard work, and I am as dumb as a door knob. Im sorry that she wasted her time on a worthless sack of crap like me.

Quotemy mates mum is so hot i call at his place even if hes not there .i talk to his mum then i ask to go to the toilet and wank over her she has such big tits anyway the other day im in his toilet wanking when the door comes open and his mum is standing there and is freaked out by catching me wanking but i loved it and i have wanked 20 times a day since she caught me farging brilliant

QuoteWEll, i was at work the other day and, i masturbated furiously in the coffee pot because there is this one guy i like at work (i'm a guy) and i want him to taste my cum, does this mean i am gay?

QuoteI let my dog eat me out.. I regret it but it felt so nice. Sometimes I have to fight urges to do it again.

Quote
My girlfriend wouldn't stop snoring so i fingered her to see if it would make her stop.

It didn't.

QuoteWe were discussing tornadoes in school one day. The teacher asked the class if anyone knew the ingredients needed for a tornado to form. Being a smartass, I replied that it took the right combination of cool air, high pressure front, and trailer park chock full of losers. My crack was met with raucous laughter. 2 people were not laughing, and they were the brother and sister who were new to our school and lived in the town trailer park. I am why poor people hate the moneyed.

Quotei love the word asshat.
it makes me overly happy.

Quotei never farged my cousin goddamnit! we were just kids. so farg you phil.

Quoteit turns me on a little bit to sort of rub my pets' genitalia while i am petting them and see that they like it.

QuoteI once peed on my girlfriend when she was sleeping for no reason. When she woke up, she thought she had peed the bed.

Quotei peed in ryan's butt. im not sorry and i sang while i did it

Quotei told my little brother that there was no such thing as santa claus. he cried a lot. i pretended i was sorry, but really it makes me laugh. i hate that spoiled little punk. i'm going to tell him there is no such thing as god.

QuoteI listen to porn movies in my headphones while my roommate is across the room oblivious. He is such a christian moron, and he never leaves the room for me to masturbate. I want to punch him in the face everytime he laughs watching anime....yeah keep laughing you ignorant douchebag.

QuoteBefore sex one time, my girlfriend was trying to be sexy and decided to take some butter and melt it to put it all over me. I thought it would be nice and romantic but as soon as she put the butter near my meatcicle...and actually melted the butter onto it. I sorda punched her in the face near her nose. Now shes in the hospital for 4 months wit ha broken eye socket and a bruised cornea.

QuotePeople always be stabbing me and telling me to get away from their kids.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 11, 2005, 04:50:51 PM

QuoteI listen to porn movies in my headphones while my roommate is across the room oblivious. He is such a christian moron, and he never leaves the room for me to masturbate. I want to punch him in the face everytime he laughs watching anime....yeah keep laughing you ignorant douchebag.

QuoteI have HIV and I have sex with people who don't know this.

Quote from: Sun_Mo on November 11, 2005, 05:00:53 PM

QuoteI have teh "ninja" and I have sex with people who don't know this.

good people

QuoteOne time my sister and I skipped school and hid up in our attic. We both had to poop really bad, so we found an old plastic bag and did "our business" in the bag. We then threw the bag out the attic window onto the roof of our neighbor's house. It's still there.

QuoteI'm 25. A few nights ago me and my friend spitroasted a 50 year old woman. He was in her mouth. I was in her ass. We didn't wear condoms. I stole her panties. They were black lacy French knickers. I sniff them when I jerk off.

QuoteI kicked my bestfriend in the balls while he was sleeping on the floor when he was passed out drunk. I kicked so hard. Right after I kicked hime I ran to my room and pretended that I was asleep. He did not know who did it since there were a bunch of people there. He still does not know that it was me. One of his testicles was ruined. When ever I need a laugh I just think of that and I laugh so hard. I am laughing now. I am a fleshpop! But I just dot care. I like a good laugh.

QuoteI'm staying at my best friend's house for the summer. Eventhough I've known her for 10 years, I think she is getting crazier and crazier every year. She ironed cotton tshirts for 4 hours today. For no reason. She is annoying me. I love her, but, I think I might punch her in the neck.

Quote from: FFatPatt on November 11, 2005, 05:06:26 PM

QuoteI'm 25. A few nights ago me and my friend spitroasted a 50 year old woman. He was in her mouth. I was in her ass. We didn't wear condoms. I stole her panties. They were black lacy French knickers. I sniff them when I jerk off.

Quote from: MURP on November 12, 2005, 12:11:42 AM
is there any confession that couldnt be RJS?  hmmmmmm

QuoteI am sick of being the sensitive male type.

QuoteI'm letting this guy use me for sex because I like him so much

QuoteI once used a Q-Tip stick and penetrated my hamster's vagina. I got a hard-on.

Quotethe other day i was really bored and i had like 2 hours to kill so i tweezed my pubic hair. it hurt and it took forever.

QuoteI farted and shtein my pants in 1997 while on holiday in Gran Canaria, I recently did it again
while sat in this very chair in December 2004. I wonder when and where it will hapen next time?
The mind boggles!

Quote
   

i think i masturbate too much. i do it atleast 10 times a day. i have a bruise on my penis that has been there for a few months. whenever i get with girls i tell them i got hit there with a football or something.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 12, 2005, 05:42:55 PM

Quotethe other day i was really bored and i had like 2 hours to kill so i tweezed my pubic hair. it hurt and it took forever.

QuoteSometimes when I'm around someone really stupid, I fantasize about me ripping off my own left arm and beating the person senseless with it.

QuoteI had intercourse with a chicken.

QuoteThe customer hated my intranet. I want to die :(

QuoteNo matter how clean I am the back of my neck always smells

Quoteok im a 14 year old girl and i'm obsessed with sex. I watch porn clips on the computer and I read sex stories on the internet.

I'm a sex freak

Quotesometimes i talk to my poster of Salma Hayek, as though she's my best friend. there are days i think she's my only friend.

QuoteWhile trying to hump my computer i got my meatcicle stuck in the cd drive

QuoteI get sexual pleasure from standing on ducks' heads.

QuoteI want to be a pirate. I guess this is normal for 5 year old boys...but I'm a teenage girl. I mean I REALLY want to be a pirate. I have a ring,sword,telescope,hair clip, hoop ear rings...the whole bit. I play pretend and beat little kids up with my sword. I also really want to do a pirate...like Johhny Depp. Damn,the eye makeup is hot. Oh, A pirate's life for me

QuoteI have been married for 8 years, and I still try and cyber-stalk my previous girlfriend. She left me in tears. I just try to look her up on the internet to see if she is dead. I hope so.

Quotemy boyfriend has a small penis. sometimes i want to laugh when giving blow jobs. we havent had sex yet and im a virgin. i was thinking, if hes that small, he cant break my hymen, therefore i could technically be a virgin forever. maybe that is a good thing.

Quoteim a truck driver and i wore a bra and panties all day today. i do it lots of days. i would have a sex change if i could. im such a sissy. i give better head than my wife.

QuoteMY Gerbil is stuck in my ass... he's been there for 3 hours and it's starting to hurt... should I tell my mom?

Quotecan't stand my wife!! She makes me sick to my stomach...everything about her lately! I don't know why I bother coming home anymore. She's extremely lazy and a chronic complainer. I met this wonderful woman last year and she seems to be the perfect match for me. Only one problem..how do I get rid of "her"? I would love to get together with the "new" woman, we have so much more in common.

QuoteEver since I was young, I have had an inexplicable obsession with tampons. I am a man. I sneak into public women's restrooms and steal the used tampons out of the disposal box. I go home and stick them in my butthole to pretend that I am a woman using tampons.

QuoteI once peed in a bottle and almost accidentally drank it. Stupid.

QuoteI'm 19, and the last time i was at my girlfriend's house, i raped her 8 year old sister up the ass. She was screaming and crying the whole time, and it took about an hour and a half. Finally she passed out from the pain.
Am i a bad person? :(

QuoteWe should genocide the hawaiians, Nobody would really miss them, it'd give us something to do.

Quotei'm white but i love to call people stillupfront's moms because omg you should see their face. like my boss walked by the other day, and i said "what's up my stillupfront's mom" and i thot she was gonna shtein a brick. i think i will have to go to another one of those "work etiquette" meetings but oh well. it was funny.

QuoteWhen I was 15, I finger-banged a retard. I laughed when the retard made hissing noises.

QuoteI farging hate people...all people...

QuoteI have a problem with finishing things. It seems that sometimes I

QuoteI wish attractive women would rape me. It'd be a helluva lot easier than dating.

QuoteI farged the bosses secretary in a patient exam room on the examination table.

She smelled bad.

Quoteyou know when you do a turd too big to fit down the toilet and it wont flush? and you know when you do a turd and it floats and wont flush? well i just did a turd that forfills both of those. the farger is way to big to fit down the hole AND it's floating. its gonna have to sit there and get soggy for a bit cause after 4 flushes it's still there

QuoteI'm supposed to start med school and even though I know I'll get to see people naked, it's going to blow.

I think what I'm supposed to do is live in my parents' basement, trying not to masturbate.

QuoteI'm kind of heartless and don't really cry at anything, even bereavements. However, whilst watching the end of Ice Age, on a plane - having not slept for a couple of days - there was a tear in my eye.

QuoteI am a moderator on IGN. I have ALOT of posts on the boards there. Everyone think i'm a female but im actually not. I first started the name as a joke but people believed i was a girl and then I was eventually modded. I'm so lame.

QuoteI invited the girl who lived with her parents next door to me out and after a couple of dates, got into her pants.

I managed to convince her that we shouldn't "go out" with each other even though she was desperate to class me as her boyfriend.

It was the most fantastic set up. I would text her when I had the horn (usually after a session in the pub) and she would come round for sex, then go back next door leaving me to sleep in peace. This went on for a few months

I have now moved to a different house (less than a mile away)and I just stopped contacting her. I keep seeing her and her parents around town and do my best to pretend i havent seem them.

I try to justify treating her like shtein because she wouldn't suck me off.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 15, 2005, 07:51:43 PM

QuoteI am a moderator on IGN. I have ALOT of posts on the boards there. Everyone think i'm a female but im actually not. I first started the name as a joke but people believed i was a girl and then I was eventually modded. I'm so lame.

HA! I farging KNEW it! Dudes pretending to be chick online. I've been trumpeting this for years. SheEagle! PG! The gig is up!

Quote from: The Waco Kid on November 15, 2005, 10:09:27 PMI think you are secretly Stewie from Family Guy.

Quote from: Sun_Mo on November 11, 2005, 04:49:57 PM

Quotei told my little brother that there was no such thing as santa claus. he cried a lot. i pretended i was sorry, but really it makes me laugh. i hate that spoiled little punk. i'm going to tell him there is no such thing as god.

Quotei have spent the last hour reading confessions on this website. I should be working on a paper that was due today but i'm don't care anymore. I decided that i'm going to drop out of college and make a living out of smoking pot and drinking my self to sleep every night. i hate college.

Quotei had sex with my boyfriend just one day after meeting him. i felt like such a slut. i couldn't stop crying, but yet i still do it. but my boyfriend doesn't know that i am pregnant. i haven't told him, but he's going to start noticing my pregnancy. i feel like i wanna die. that's my confession... i just had to let it out

QuoteSo I was masturbating in the computer room and I thought nobody was home so I didn't have to worry about that.

I realized that I couldn't masturbate where I was because it was daylight and there were no blinds on the window, my neighbors could see right in, so I full screened the porn and stood up by the door, where you couldn't see from the window.


Anyway I was just about to jizz and my little brother walked in and I stared at him and both our mouths were open from shock of seeing the other and I jizzed right in his mouth.

Quotei've tried to get a firearm to kill myself since i was 12.
all the useless fargs i knew wouldn't help me. i didn't tell anyone i wanted to die.
it was ok for them to rob me & force me to perform sexual acts on them, but they wouldn't help me leave this world.
i was happy when i turned 18, because i thought i could finally blow myself to infinity.. and then i found out that the legal age in our state is 21.
i don't want to jump off a building, because i could end up deformed.
i'm almost 20 now. that time is almost here.

QuoteI told a girl I met at school how I felt about her online tonight. She told me that she isn't dating and doesn't do anything with people she talks to online. She said it was a compliment, but I don't believe her. I love how I can always screw something up when I don't mean to. I am a total farg up, and I hate the fact that I will end up dying cold and alone. Everyday of my life is worse than the last. Girls never recognise me, or think im attractive. I end up sitting in my dorm room and listening to music, contimplating on my existence in this world. I wish I could just leave this place and move somewhere no one I know would bug me. I need to leave America. Americans are nothing but a bunch of self-centered, egotistical iceholes that only care about there personal gains. I just want to leave these iceholes behind.

....And yes, I am an American.

Quotei like to jack off at one of the person's avatar in a forum

QuoteI have this lump on my stomach and I dont want to go to the doctors about it. Its seems to have got bigger but it doesnt hurt.

I really dont like pakies. They smell and take money from our goverment to support there families.

QuoteI used to like ot hook up with random women and still like to go out and meet women and get them to give me blow jobs and I dont even feel bad not telling them about my genital warts

QuoteI keep having the urge to go around and stab people with a ceramic knife

QuoteI have a sudden urge to drop a load in my trousers!

QuoteI had sex with my dog, I was really horny.....it felt good. I did it three times....but then it died. I feel horrible now.

Quote from: Tomahawk on November 16, 2005, 02:24:44 PM
KoRn is now known as Syracuse

Quote
I support a football team in London that is currently performing extremely well and is actually one of the most exciting teams throughout Europe at the moment.

However, I do not like the manager of the club and as a result I am always whinging and criticising him, thus really annoying my fellow fans. I know it makes me look foolish but I just cannot help myself with my constant moaning. I think I need help really but cannot bring myself to admitting it to my fellow fans.

Quote from: Tomahawk on November 16, 2005, 03:32:31 PM
Quantity over Quality, mofo. That's some sick shtein so I laughed.

QuoteOnce, when I was a wee child-turd, I went to a barbecue buffet restaurant with my family. In line at the salad bar, I got the ever delightful chocolate pudding, and to my disdain, it just didn't seem to dispense sufficiently with a plain little spoon. So, to the horror of the elderly chap waiting to get some for himself, I sucked the excess off the spoon, and placed it back for he and all the other patrons to use. I saw his reaction and knew I'd done something rather grotesque, so I did what came natural. I smiled and walked away. That guy is probably dead now, too.

QuoteThere's one night a week - it's the only time i am happy......... my happy spot............ i love to sit in my room and stab my girlfriends cat. My friends call me the cat stabber. But don't think that it's wrong when she asks me to stab it and than feed it with my power drill. I love to listen to her scream!

QuoteWhen i was in grade four i stole a girls wig, she had alepecia and was completely bald. I hid it and she couldent afford a new wig so she went bald for the rest of the year.

QuoteSo this chick was going down on me. She puked on my meatcicle, so I slapped her. She's been my girlfriend for five years.

QuoteI can't understand why someone would let Hilary Duff sing or act.

I would gladly kill her. Seriously.

QuoteI work in an ice-cream factory, i jerk off into the vats of flavors i dont like. Sorry all you coffee fans.

QuoteMy friend's girlfriend is at my house right now because we are throwing a weekend long binge party for a friend of our's that is going into rehab, but she has this really annoying cell phone music clip/tone by this one hip-hop group, and I swear, if I hear that damn thing one more time, I'm going to farg her boyfriend, because he's really just a horny little English freak that has already offered to have sex with me while they were first going out.

Quote
   

I was having sex with a rather attractive black girl I had managed to pick up at a club one night, and I've always wanted to sleep with a black girl. So we're going at it and she starts dirty talking a little bit, so I oblige and return the dirty talk. At some point the dirt talk became racial and I called her, among other things, a 'black bitch', and she called me names like 'devil man', 'honkey' and even started saying 'yes massah'. It sounds strange but at the time it was quite erotic. Everything was going great until I called her Aunt Jemima, she stopped and looked at me, there was a moment of silence and then we both started laughing so hard that my stomach hurt. I lost my boner and although we slept together that night, she was gone in the morning and I never got another chance at nailing a black chick.
If I ever do I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Quote
my husband thinks i'm a shopping addict and thats why we're £15000 in debt, he's standing by me. The money went to my unemployed lover who fathered our second child and it gets me so hot to think of him spending my loser hubbies money while my husband now has to work 5 years after he planned to retire to pay back the debt. janies been a bad girl :D

Quote from: Sun_Mo on November 16, 2005, 04:45:52 PM
what a twat

QuoteOnce there was this squirrel that got into the attic in my parents house. My mom asked me to "take care of it and get it out, dead or alive". I got one of those sticky traps and the squirrel got stuck to it. I couldn't get it of, so I had to kill it. I used a golf club.I still feel bad about it, but it was the quickest way of doing it. I got it on the first shot.

I think I used the 3 iron.

Quote from: hbionic on November 16, 2005, 05:55:00 PM
I'm a bitch when it comes to rodents. I don't like'em and probably will scream like a teenage girl when I see one.

QuoteI spend most of my time at work playing online poker and looking at porn.

Im a well paid employee in a corporate environment and I feel bad about it because my employers have invested so much time and money in me.

Im also married and have children and I know if I ever got caught I'd get fired and I couldn't support them...I can't seem to quit though.

Quote
I farged a horse once.

Quotei enjoy calling people stillupfronts

Quoteiwas having sex with my girlfriend and her sister walked in and joined in i cant look at either one of them the same anymore

QuoteFat chicks are farging gross. They should all be killed or something, like fed to eachother. I'm a stud and only beautiful women are capable of receiving my love. So the ugly ones should just go die.

QuoteI trapped a mouse and shot it to death with an air rifle. I don't feel guilty because it ate my macaroni. I think that it would have been quite a painless death, compared to some of the other things I had in mind. I really like my macaroni.

QuoteI have pictures of the Olsen twins, from when they were around 12 yrs old, in my underpants all day long

QuoteI'm a guy who can't get laid. I'm 17 and I feel like a loser for not getting any. I jack off everyday

Quotei was in the shower and my girlfriend rang... what she dusnt know when we were ment to be having phone sex i was having sex with the girl next door

Quotei love fire crotches

QuoteMy life is in crisis. I feel I have been somehow violated. My boyfriend attacked my ears with his unwashed cock and balls. I no longer can listen to Westlife - Flying Without Wings in the same way. I want to leave him but I fear I will no longer get another partner cause of my ear damage...

QuoteEvery time i use the public restroom, i am complelled to remove all my clothes. I just cant stop, it's my fettish to glance over at the other people urinating while in the nude.

QuoteI'm always just walking around the office looking at things other people have, wondering what they would feel like in my butt.

Quotei've done my ex-girlfriends homework and essays in exchange for blowjobs and i've done the same for her twin sister in exchange for money.

QuoteI dream of farging and sucking the brains out of my sister.

QuoteI get off on being able to control attractive girls while maintaining no emotional attatchment to them whatsoever.

QuoteI wish i didn't have sex with banana's, but the feeling of their insides mushing around my meatcicle makes me hot.

Quote from: EagleFeva on November 18, 2005, 07:06:41 AM

QuoteI get off on being able to control attractive girls while maintaining no emotional attatchment to them whatsoever.

Welcome to my world.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 18, 2005, 06:22:33 AM
I finally confessed to something... (http://grouphug.us/confessions/467303361)

Quotesometimes i stick my fist up my ass and do jazz hands, sort of.

Quote
I was getting really sick of a neighbour's white fluffy cat taking dumps in our garden, so I decided to get revenge on it.

One day, I grabbed it and stuck it into a bucket filled with water and green food colouring I found in the cupboard. It struggled for a bit, but when it came out it was bright, lurid green. It ran off and an hour later, the doorbell rang and it was our neighbour with the green cat under his arm wanting to know if it was me who had dyed it.

I laughed so much I nearly choked to death. I think he might have guessed that it was me.

Quotei'm not vegan anymore, and i was over the top pushy about it to other people when i was for a long time. now i love meat.

QuoteI was taking a shower and was too lazy to get out and get the toilet soking wet so I went poop in the shower and smashed it with the bottom of my moms jumbo sized expensive professinal beauty supply shampoo into the drain grill well i guess i didnt do a good enough job cleaning it my mom found out and told the whole family and beat me up when i was sleeping

Quotea few nights ago i had a sexual dream about my sister. i posted it on the atnw boards and people kept telling me to do something about it. so i did. i made a move, and she didn't like it.

QuoteI jizzed on my dog's butt. he licked it off. i think he liked it.

QuoteI have had sexual intercourse my dog's best friend.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 18, 2005, 06:22:33 AM
I finally confessed to something... (http://grouphug.us/confessions/467303361)

Quote from: The Waco Kid on November 18, 2005, 11:37:20 AM

Quote from: rjs246 on November 18, 2005, 06:22:33 AM
I finally confessed to something... (http://grouphug.us/confessions/467303361)

How long did it take til they posted it?

QuoteI can only reach an orgasm if an old episode of Charles in Charge is playing in the backround

Quote from: Sun_Mo on November 18, 2005, 11:54:20 AM
what do you think the percentage of shtein on there is BS?  i say 96%

Quote from: rjs246 on November 18, 2005, 11:56:03 AM
At least. I don't care. It's awesome.

QuoteI watched Jay and Silent Bob and now I smoke weed. I rule!

Quotei have this crush on a 71 year old man i know i shouldnt coz im only 12 but i just want him in my bed

QuoteWhen I was little, a guy pulled up in his car and started masturbating in front of me as a joke then drove off. I've never told a soul.

Quotewhen I shtein I eat it , And put it in my pillow case to smell it all night, it smells like shtein

QuoteOnce after my wife of 5 years and I had an arguement, I farted on her when she was asleep. It was a wet fart.

Then I wiped my seamen into her hair. I don't feel guilty about this at all.

QuoteI slept with my bestfriend's husband. I feel bad that I did that to my friend, but the sex was amazing!

Quotemy girlfriend started to grow a bit of a mustache and at first i was kinda upset. but then it filled in a bit and i like the way it tickeled my nose when we kissed

Quotei have always been extrememly against anything that has to do with anal sex. but my exboyfriend, who i still farg, has recently started fingering my ass. and i love it. i want him to do me in the ass so bad.

Quotei split up with my boyfriend. i love him more than he'll ever know. but i hate him at the same time. i'll have to go back to one-night stands. i thought i was over all that

QuoteI always wonder what bigots are hiding in their heads. I think many of them are suffering from a insecurity complex, displaced by inherent hatred for that object. They usually aren't the ones to be feared for doing something awful, however. The ones to be feared are the ones who view themselves above others, the megalomaniacs; people like Hitler or Stalin or Rosie O'Donnell.

Quotei live with my grandparents and sometimes i want to go to my grandmothers room at night an beat her in the head til shes dead and rape her

Quotei took a poop in a ziplock bag and put it in the back of my friends refrigerator. whenever i go over to his place i check to see if it is still there. it's been there for 6 months now. it's all moldy and stuff now.

Quote from: phattymatty on November 18, 2005, 03:56:47 PM
I have a secret desire for all people with an I.Q. of 115 or higher to rule the planet, people with an I.Q. between 100-115 to be slaves, and people with an I.Q. of less than 100 to be forced to participate in warfare or be turned into fertilizer.

Quote from: phattymatty on November 18, 2005, 04:03:53 PM
I confess, I've had a few beers already.

QuoteSometimes I stick my finger so far up my nose that I pass out

Quote from: Sun_Mo on November 18, 2005, 04:07:38 PM
i need a beer, desperately.

Quotei once made love to a jar of mayonase

Quote from: Sun_Mo on November 18, 2005, 04:09:59 PM
why are you on the internet at home?

QuoteTonight Im gonna go out with an older man and he will pay me 150 dollars "for my time." Basically we are gonna have all kinds of crazy sex and It will be great. Then I will get money for it.

Im a young 18 yr old guy as well.

QuoteI smoked rock with a 13 year old. Then we got drunk and I thought it would be cool to steal his dads car. I drove back to the crack dealers house and his dad was there in his wife's Blazer buying crack.

QuoteThis hot Chinese girl came into my office today looking for advice on a job offer she received. I wrote down all of the things she should say to negotiate with the other company. That was with my left hand. With my right hand I had my penis out of my pants and was stroking it under my desk while gazing into her face just three feet away.

Quoteim 17 (f) and i can bend down and lick my own Hoyda.. its so amazing.. its so much better than sex.. i do it every night... im really flexible coz ive been doing gymnastics since i was 4

Quotei was at my girlfrends place and she went to hav a shower.. her dog was there so i started to jack it off and i gave it a blow job. now i give my own dog blow jobs for the fun of it. my girlfrend hasnt found out yet. i still kiss her even though ive had dog cum in my mouth

QuoteI'm attracted to cockerspaniels and sometimes masterbate to their pics. Maybe someday it might go all the way.

QuoteI watched the Hawaii vs. Houston Bowl game..damn im a sinner. they both are horrific.

QuoteI know this guy, see, Gasnoo. The thing is, I actually don't know him. I know that him and Susan get in the pants, though. Susan is a man's name in my country.

Quotei just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance

QuoteI like the Ramones a lot, but i don't ever say that because now stupid little Hot Topic shopping "punk" kids wear their shirts like a preppy kid wears Gap. They don't even listen to the Ramones and they wear the shirts cause that's the punk thing to do. I hate those little motherfargers. They're all really stupid and they need to get over themselves or die.

Quotei made out with a japanese girl last night that had the body of 9 year old boy. no tits and tiny tiny body.. im almost 7 feet tall. i think if we had sex i would have murdered her vagina.

Quote from: FFatPatt on November 19, 2005, 10:00:17 AM

QuoteI know this guy, see, Gasnoo. The thing is, I actually don't know him. I know that him and Susan get in the pants, though. Susan is a man's name in my country.

Quotei just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance

QuoteI like the Ramones a lot, but i don't ever say that because now stupid little Hot Topic shopping "punk" kids wear their shirts like a preppy kid wears Gap. They don't even listen to the Ramones and they wear the shirts cause that's the punk thing to do. I hate those little motherfargers. They're all really stupid and they need to get over themselves or die.

Quote from: FFatPatt on November 18, 2005, 07:55:36 AM

Quote from: EagleFeva on November 18, 2005, 07:06:41 AM

QuoteI get off on being able to control attractive girls while maintaining no emotional attatchment to them whatsoever.

Welcome to my world.

Aren't you, like, married now?  Nice try, poser!

QuoteOnce I tried to impress a girl by reciting pi to 30 decimal places. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

QuoteI had a painful, red bump on my neck. I thought it was just a run of the mill zit, but it refused to pop. Finally, I got to looking at it in the mirror while I had a pin, and could barely see a dark thing right below the surface. I picked at it with the pin and pulled up this loop of black hair. I continued to pull and eventually removed a 3 inch long ingrown hair. After the hair was pulled off, a large quantity of pus and dark material came out. I confess that I have perched on my counter with a pin searching in vain for another satisfying, ingrown hair to liberate.

Quotei'm so drunk i cant even type.

QuoteOne day I'm going to snap, and I don't want to be unarmed when I do.

Quotei like to deficate in my hand and smear it in my hair when i bathe. i can't stop. i tried to get my girlfriend to shower with me so i would avoid that business...but i did it and smeared it in her hair. she cried. we're no longer speaking.

Quotei want to genetically engineer a dragon with a long penis.

QuoteRight, so I've been using linux for the past year, and I've noticed some changes. I know that everyone says that once you switch, you'll experience some changes, but I didn't think they'd be so extensive. For example before when I was using the greatest OS in the world, Microsoft's Windows XP, I engaged in purely heterosexual activities. Since my switch to linux, I've not gotten any straight sex at all, furthermore I seem to enjoy alot of anal sex and getting pounded in the ass by a large black man excites me. I never had these homosexual experiences / feelings before my switch to linux. Linux has ruined my life, and if you switch, I hope it doesn't ruin yours, anyways I have to go get pounded up the ass now.

QuoteOn the outside I'm very humble, but inside, I know I rule a lot.

QuoteI am, in fact, a famous singer that practically everyone knows. I have had so many sexual partners by the time I was twenty, that it's not even funny. I once made love with a famous actor (I won't give any specifics other than he was in the movie X-Men/X-2 and some others). We did it in a hotel room in New York numerous times and I actually got pregnant by him, but I miscarried. I never told him.

It's great to reveal such a secret.

QuoteI´m dating three girls at the same time Each one of them seems to have a crush on me. I like them all in a way, but not everything about each one of them. What I mean is that each one of these girls have something I like. The first one is very good-looking and has a great body. The second one is very funny and intelligent and we laugh a lot together. The third one is very horny and has a nice flat and shteinloads of money (rich dad). So I combine the positive parts like a jig-saw!
Man, I´m horrible!

Quotei want to stick my finger into my boyfriend's cat's vagina.

it really is the cutest, most seductive cat i've ever met.
i'm even kind of jealous of it because the cat obviously has a crush on my boyfriend.

Quotei stuck a banana in my anus the other day, and i have to say that it felt extremely good, too bad all the blood ruined the activity.

Quoteim male 28 years old straight and i just love wearing thongs (made for men)

QuoteMy boyfriend won't eat me out and i'm desperate. I try to get his dogs to do it. They won't lick my clit eaither. So i'm so horny i' ve masturbated 3 times this morning all ready

QuoteI rampantly shagged the shtein out of my clearly terrified uncle when I was 10.

QuoteEvery time I shower I just stand there. I dont think I've actually "washed " myself since iwas little..
No one has ever said anything, or given me strange looks.. so i guess I don't reek.

oh well

QuoteI have an unhealthy obsession with ocelots. Their beautiful coats and milky eyes just turn me on. I found myself starting to touch myself at work while reading about ocelots... I think I might be one of those plushie people or maybe beastiality.

I want my own ocelot ;)

Quoteone time I had sex with my best friends girlfriend, another time I made out with another best friends girlfriend, and right now I just farted while typing this. I should just stop farting and continue on doing the other things.

QuoteI got a penal enlargement. Finally I am able to blow my own dick. It felt good.

QuoteI have signed up one of my co-workers for a Rainbow Bright fan listing.

QuoteI used to believe that I was an angel and I had wings. It was just back fat. I can't fly.

QuoteI've recently realized all the people I know who I really dislike somehow remind me of myself.

Quotemy boyfriend ate me out while i was on the phone with my grandmother.

QuoteI hate retarded people. They are ugly and I don't like them. I wish that we could put them on a rocket and shoot them into the sun.

Quotei am addicted to crack. i cant help myself. i just gotta have crack. i once spent 100,000 dollars in one day all on crack. i need help.

QuoteOne time i had a wet dream while i was spending the night at a friends house, Im SO GLAD that I brought an extra pair of boxers that day...I'm not even sure what the dream was about but his dog was giving me a funny look when i woke up

QuoteTheres this girl that i know...ONE OF THESE DAYS IM GOING TO GROPE THE shtein OUTA HER! When that day comes I can die happy...but until that day its me and my right hand

QuoteMy friend and I had a bonfire in this old dryer we brought back there months ago. We didn't know there was a colony of fieldmice living in there... so we scooped up a few escaping ones and threw them back in.

Quotei like to masturbate when i play counter-strike. there, i said it!

Quotei act really cynical and sarcastic all the time and tell people i'm an emotionless monster. the truth is i get choked up and cry like all the time: during songs, tv commercials, even particularly uplifting movie previews.

QuoteI like to dance naked in front of my blind stepsister mostly because I don't believe she is really blind. One time I was dancing in front of her...totally naked...and got all shifty eyed.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 22, 2005, 03:58:41 PM
I've added a second confession. Try not to judge me too harshly... (http://grouphug.us/confessions/270976237)

QuoteDeep down I always kind of wanted to have sex in another man's ass, but when I bent over and looked in the bathroom mirror to see what a male ass looks like in person, I saw bits of toilet paper caught in my hairs and got disgusted.  I don't think my wife ever noticed, probably because we usually have sex in the dark, but she definitely would have said something. So for all I know, I've been walking around with bits of paper in my ass from that morning's business for as many as 25 years! (I can't remember the last time I explored my ass, but it was in college, and I don't remember seeing any paper then, so it couldn't be more than 25 years since I'm 43 now).

QuoteI live in Brooklyn, New York. I want to escape from this filthy city and go somewhere else. Even upstate. Anywhere that's not the urban part. I would even leave the country if it meant I could get away from this wasteland.

I want to run away and never see anyone from this filthy place ever again.

If God had a home, it wouldn't be New York City. That's for sure.

Somebody kill me.

QuoteOkay, I hate to actually repeat this, beacuse I thought it would just go away, but em... almost three months ago, I but gay pornogrophy under my brothers bed so that my parents could find it. Well they did, and things didn't go over well. They took him to our preacher, and they all thought he was lieing, well about four days after this happened, he commited suicide. What makes matters worse is

QuoteAlthough I am sterile, I keep on putting slices on the end of my condoms which eventually split when having one night stands. It totally freaks the girls out but I think it's funny.

Quotedont know why but when i go in the woods i get really horny some times i get totatly naked and talk walks in the woods naked......a few times i stole panites from my friends moms drawer and wore them in the woods that sat in the vrick naked and beat off to them.... i also like running on the road naked and wait till i see a car coming then jump in the bushs it give me such a rush i love to fantasize about havin sex just in the middle of the woods and someone seein us then running away then have more sex while on the run

Quotei masturbte all the time it feels so good. I have just started anal masturbation, putting fingers up my bum. they smell but its fun. i think im weird. But wen eva i feel weird i pokey my bum. should try it sumtime.


kara...wanan do anal?

QuoteI want to impregnate a young girl, preferably 10-12 years old.
20/M.

QuoteI've found a way of giving myslef a anal douche using a ball point pen with the ink thing removed amd my shower with the head removed. I stick the pen up my butt, put the other end into the shower tubing and turn on the water.

I've done this twice now and both times I've been amazed at what comes out. It's kinda disgusting and the smell is awful but I'll probably do it again.

Quotei have used the internet to masturbate so much that now my sex drive for REAL sex is almost obsolete. i fear getting into a real relationship because i won't be able to perform. i am addicted to masturbating to internet porn and i don't know how to stop and i'm afraid it's going to ruin my life.

Quotemy mom has one of those special vans for my handicapped brother so he can get in and out of the car. i rigged the ramp so when he got out of the van it collapsed. i didn't think it would end up bad but he tipped over and hit his head and died of blood loss.

Quotei was at work one day, and my boss came onto me. I wanted a raise, so me and her did the nasty. I got the raise, there was lots of rejoicing, and she wasnt that bad in the sack either. Anyways, its been 4 years, and i just found out about ten years ago she used to be a man and had plastic surgery. I MADE LOVE TO A MAN.

Quoteit rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again

Quotei had sex with my sister two months ago when she was drunk.

now she's been complaining about missing her period and i don't think she remembered any of it.

QuoteI am going to an Avril Lavigne concert. I feel so unclean.
I hope people don't find out.
It'd be worse than if they found out i got farged in the ass.

QuoteI had an ingrown pubic hair that is infected, so I squeezed the boil and tons of white crap sprayed out everywhere all over my hands. Now after I finish confessing this I'm going to trim the hairs off that area so that it heals and try to squeeze some more pus out of it.

Quote from: FFatPatt on November 28, 2005, 03:54:56 PM

Quotei had sex with my sister two months ago when she was drunk.

now she's been complaining about missing her period and i don't think she remembered any of it.

Fake or real?  You decide.

Quote from: NGM on November 28, 2005, 03:58:15 PM
How many sisters talk to their brothers about their periods?

QuoteI stole my 8-year-old brother's money he recieved for first communion ($350 dollars) and bought a half ounce of good skunky pot, some coke, 5 hits of acid and a box of condoms.

I had a great night.

I dont feel that guilty because he was 8.

QuoteI confess that I murdered my baby sister, not a day goes by when I think of her. What seemed like a good idea back then, now haunts me like a nightmare. I am deeply considering to end my own life, atleast I would regain just a little bit of honour...

Quotei am currently trying to download a jenna jameson file labeled "two blonde lesbians in a bathroom." i am a heterosexual female. i dunno...i just think it's hot.

QuoteI just went on a date with a girl and I cant remember her name

Quotei once tested a stungun on my friend without his permission.

Quotetonight i saw scrotum.

QuoteEveryone on this message board hates me. I hate them too, I don't know why I keep going back there... No matter how much of a point to get on their ass, they always just blow it over with a "nobody likes you".

Stupid jerks.

Quotei like to put rats and mice in the microwave and watch them blow up.

Quotei once set a dog on fire for 10 dollars.

Quoteone time in kindergarden I fell off the slide and I blamed it on a black girl in my class. She cried and had to sit in the hall.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 28, 2005, 04:19:41 PM

Quotei am currently trying to download a jenna jameson file labeled "two blonde lesbians in a bathroom." i am a heterosexual female. i dunno...i just think it's hot.

I've seen that scene, and let me tell you. It is extremely hot. Porn-on sister.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 28, 2005, 04:19:41 PM

Quotei am currently trying to download a jenna jameson file labeled "two blonde lesbians in a bathroom." i am a heterosexual female. i dunno...i just think it's hot.

I've seen that scene, and let me tell you. It is extremely hot. Porn-on sister.

Quotei'm sometimes paranoid that other people have posted some of this stuff for me.

QuoteI just pissed all over myself and drank some too.

QuoteI pick my nose in the car and eat it. I actually read that it was good for the imumne system.

QuoteIm gay. Im gay. and i dance around in a gay gay way.

QuoteOnce when my friend was asleep, i sat over him and dangled my testicles over his mouth. Then I punched him in the throat, and when he opened his mouth to grasp for air, I stuffed my balls in his mouth.

Quote from: rjs246 on November 30, 2005, 09:39:26 AM

QuoteOnce when my friend was asleep, i sat over him and dangled my testicles over his mouth. Then I punched him in the throat, and when he opened his mouth to grasp for air, I stuffed my balls in his mouth.

This made me laugh pretty hard.

QuoteI am disgusted by fat people. They are lazy, food-craving eyesores with no willpower to reverse their offensive appearance.

I also have no sympathy for the homeless. They are worthless.

QuoteEleven years ago, when I was ten years old, my best friend moved out of the state. The day he left my mom baught a Ninja Turtle I was supposed to give him. When I got to his going away party he said something that pissed me off so I punched him in the face, threw him in a pine tree, took back the Ninja Turtle, and went home. I told my mom that he gave me the same toy as an early birthday present. I never saw him again. Sorry Zach.

QuoteI've confessed on Group Hug before, but I can't stop hating my state. I am disgusted with Hawaiian people, local people in general. I hate the fact that they think Hawaii is the best state. I hate the fact that they hate Caucasians, when Caucasians were the ones who MADE this retarted island part of the United States. I hate it when they talk in their own little slang language. It's illiterate andit shows the rest of America how stupid this state can really be.

I hate Jasmine Trias as well. Hawaii is a cheater when it comes to American Idol. The state wanted to be big, so they decided to vote before American Idol even showed here. But my state doesn't get that they will never be the best state. They will always lag. They don't know when to give up.

I also hate this one school. It is a Hawaiians-only private
school. They even have their own T.V. channel. I just want to beat those aloha shirt-wearing
Romes up and ship them off to Samoa. I wish that I could tell that to all the Hawaiian people's faces, but I can't because
I know that the Hawaiians will send Samoan girls to mob me and beat me to death.

Quoteabout -93, when my baby was 1.5 years old she had this period where she would scream and scream all night long. one time i got so mad i pulled my pants down and took a dump on her, i have no idea why i did this and i feel really ashamed of it. i cleaned it up at once and tried to forget it. i really love her, she is a bright you girl now and i pray every day that she will never remember it.

Quotei taped my best friend having sex with his dog then showed it to the intire crowd at prom last year.. cheese bitch

QuoteI farged a random guy and I forget his name, but I think I'm having his child.

Quotethis past weekend i ran into two friends from high school; one of which i wanted to ask to prom (i obviously didnt), i confessed to her that i wanted to ask her, she told me that i should have. damn! that i night i yanked my rope thinking about doing her in the line of the club we were at.
i have a girlfriend now so i couldnt even make a move on her. damn damn damn!

QuoteI played with my self about 8 times today.

QuoteOnce I had sex with a 42 year old lady, She was a costumer where I used to work at, she farged me pretty good, although her kids were older than me, they still game me a ride to her house and waited till I was done with her to give me a ride back.

Quotewhen i poop i stand up because i like to see how big the splash is

QuoteSeeing other people miserable makes me happy. If I am the reason they are miserable, I get even more pleasure. I guess I'm really screwed up.

Quote

QuoteSometimes I don't feel like talking. I just feel like sitting around and mellowing, but my wife will just farging yack and yack and yack. She isn't happy until she has given me a narrative of every second of her day. No detail over looked.

I go from nodding and agreeing to just kind of staring at the TV. But she doesn't stop. Blah farging blah. I just sit here, thinking "shut the farg up" over and over.

Guess what she's doing right now? I'll give you a hint. It's the opposite of shutting up.

QuoteI really hate children. They are so ill-mannered. I had horrible memories of my childhood, and nowadays I watch stupid kids commit wanton acts and get away with it. God, you just want to strangle them for acting like imbeciles. Don't give me that "but they're just kids" bullshtein. They know damn right that it's wrong. That's why they grow up to be fargtards with no conscience. Bad parenting fargs everything up also. Even without bad parenting, they have to know what acts they have done are wrong...if it hurts someone, then they should know how it would feel. I just want to bash some stupid kid's face in. Not all children are bad, I know, but a shteinload of them are.

QuoteWhen I meet really gullible people socially, I usually tell them the story about the incredible Hindu Guru guy who lived up in the mountains in India. He had developed the ability to literally turn his insides out. All of his insides would come out through his mouth and were placed in front of him on a table. An assistant would have to hose them down while they were out.

I believed this story once, but I was tripping incredibly hard, and after a minute realized that I was on drugs.

QuoteI wanked off to a movie about the holocaust.

Quotei feel bad cause i made a 20 year old frat boy give me head....im 16 and bi and i was drunk, he is straight and wasnt drunk at all. Was he gay before?

i think i peed in his mouth cause i was so drunk....

QuoteI hate shaving my face, it's so time consuming and I'd rather just grow a beard but my wife frowns upon that.

QuoteI honestly wish all fat girls would die a serious painful death where they suffer immensely, just for making the rest of the world put up with them.

Quote
I used to hold my baby sister's arms and hands, preventing her form moving, and then I would spit all over her face, really showering her with my saliva. Poor girl. I'm glad she doesn't remember.

Quote
I want to cheat on my wife of two years but my meatcicle infection stops me. Is it wrong that that is the only reason I can think of?

Quote
15/f

where to begin.

i'm bulimic. but i'm not very good at it, i try. i want to see every rib. but i'm not fat so i don't know why. i just need to throw up. i don't know if i can really be called bulimic. i threw up half an hour ago and i'm really glad.

i don't know why i get so attached to people i've never even met. i want to say it's love but i know it isn't. i really want to talk to him again. i really want him to tell me he loves me and to make empty promises.

i just like being hurt, i guess. i really like attention. i also like breaking boy's hearts.

i masturbate to lesbian porn, even though i would never be a lesbian, or bisexual myself.

QuoteI like big butts. and i cannot lie.

QuoteMy brother bought a pet mouse a while ago, and i took a liking to it. i started talking to it, confessing my secrets, and eventually, flirting with it. last night i shoved it up my bum, and now i cant get it out. my brother thinks its missing. i dont think he realizes just how close it is......

QuoteWe have an open fire and whenever nobody is home I take the fire poker and pretend that i'm a heroic swordsman and swing it around in the room. Sometimes i'll even raise it above my head and pretend i've just given a rousing speech to my fictious army.

Quotehad sex with my cossen 5years agao we got courght by her parants n now that she is 10 i wont her so bad but i dont no how to tell her ime skird she will tell her mom that i wana have sex with her

Quote from: stillupfront on January 05, 2006, 04:12:00 PM

Quotehad sex with my cossen 5years agao we got courght by her parants n now that she is 10 i wont her so bad but i dont no how to tell her ime skird she will tell her mom that i wana have sex with her

MDS

Quote from: rjs246 on January 06, 2006, 01:51:10 PM
Tears are running down my face from this goddamned thread. I need to start doing some work or something.

QuoteNicotine, alcohol, cannabis, amphetamines, ecstacy, mushrooms & cocaine. It was a good birthday.

QuoteI got up this morning, went down to the convenience store, and wound up picking up a hooker.

When I'm not even trying, the universe puts this in my path!

She had no front teeth, alas, although she was only 35 and had a nice, tight body. But, she had to be somewhere, so I took her back before I was done.

She promised me more. I'm contemplating whether to go back and tap that, or wait for a potential evening out with the dirty little slut I'm seeing on the side instead.

Quotei took a dump in a bag and threw it at someone from a car

Quote from: rjs246 on January 13, 2006, 07:35:17 PM

Quotei took a dump in a bag and threw it at someone from a car

Quotei am turned on by kids, i would like to rape them and than run them over with my car

QuoteI took an ungodly amount of tranquilizers and donkey laxatives once, and I hit my roommmate with a tennis racket because I thought he was a dragon.

Quotewhen i was 9 i was in a neighbors' pool. We were playing "find the chlorine tablet" Well, on my turn to hide it, i put it in the bottom half of my bathing suit. It dissolved and now, 7 years later, i think thats the reason i have an over-sized piece of vagina flap. it hangsout like a little willy.

Quote from: Philly Forever on January 13, 2006, 07:39:15 PM

QuoteI took an ungodly amount of tranquilizers and donkey laxatives once, and I hit my roommmate with a tennis racket because I thought he was a dragon.

Quote from: Philly Forever on January 13, 2006, 07:39:15 PM

QuoteI took an ungodly amount of tranquilizers and donkey laxatives once, and I hit my roommmate with a tennis racket because I thought he was a dragon.

QuoteMy Professor is currently teaching us about the Pigeon-Hole Principle. I want to moon him and yell out "PIGEON-HOLE THIS!!"

Quote from: rjs246 on January 13, 2006, 07:32:13 PM

QuoteI got up this morning, went down to the convenience store, and wound up picking up a hooker.

When I'm not even trying, the universe puts this in my path!

She had no front teeth, alas, although she was only 35 and had a nice, tight body. But, she had to be somewhere, so I took her back before I was done.

She promised me more. I'm contemplating whether to go back and tap that, or wait for a potential evening out with the dirty little slut I'm seeing on the side instead.

I like how the girl he's dating and not the hooker is the one he refers to as 'on the side.' Well done.

Quotei think most of these confessions are farging lame.

QuoteI just got married and am on my honeymoon, both me and my wife are virgins but she just told me she had crabs and gonoreah

Quotei really shouldn't have stuck that didjeridoo into my ass unlubed. i think something got ripped, causing bursts of feces to splatter against my tidy-whities during the most inopportune times. it's been happening for a week now and i just want it to stop. ben.

QuoteMy sister is a stuck up bitch! Anyway she bought this new scrub brush, I didn't know it was hers... I scrubed my meatcicle with it... once I found out it was hers... I came all over it... I didn't wash it off after that... The Bitch deserves it

QuoteI cried when watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition last week.

I am a 21 year old male.

QuoteWhen I was 9 years old I was playing with my G.I. Joes and as any kid would I got curious about certain orifices on my body. So I was putting my G.I. joe up my rear, yeah, I know, how stupid was I. Anyways when I pulled it out, the head of the G.I. Joe got stuck, and I was really embarrased. I didn't want to tell my parents, and so I asked my sister to help me out who was 15 years old. Well, she proceeded to put a finger in that area, and get the G.I. Joe out. In the process I had what I realized was my first erection, and I didn't know what to do with it. My sister I guess got aroused by this and started to play with me and then started jerking me off....my confession is that since that day, I am 16 now and she is 21, we still mess around and have sex on a regular basis. She's in college so when she get's the chance she will come see me and we go out and have sex together anywhere we can, we tell each other we love one another, and I want to marry her but I don't know how our family is going to take that. Are we wrong in the way we feel?

Quoteonce i valet parked howard sterns car at the resturant where i worked and i stole all of his change out of his ash tray. I know he can afford it but i still think i owe him around 1.54

Quote from: Philly Forever on January 13, 2006, 07:39:15 PM

QuoteI took an ungodly amount of tranquilizers and donkey laxatives once, and I hit my roommmate with a tennis racket because I thought he was a dragon.

Quotei have a little kid fetish, sometimes when i am feeling horny i like to go down to the park and push little kids on the swings. sometimes i feel there asses and jack off to it afterwords. i am a dirty person and deserve to go to hell.

QuoteI stole money from the church donation box.

I don't feel bad about it at all and I'd do it again tomorrow.

Quote from: FFatPatt on January 13, 2006, 08:06:49 PM

QuoteWhen I was 9 years old I was playing with my G.I. Joes and as any kid would I got curious about certain orifices on my body. So I was putting my G.I. joe up my rear, yeah, I know, how stupid was I. Anyways when I pulled it out, the head of the G.I. Joe got stuck, and I was really embarrased. I didn't want to tell my parents, and so I asked my sister to help me out who was 15 years old. Well, she proceeded to put a finger in that area, and get the G.I. Joe out. In the process I had what I realized was my first erection, and I didn't know what to do with it. My sister I guess got aroused by this and started to play with me and then started jerking me off....my confession is that since that day, I am 16 now and she is 21, we still mess around and have sex on a regular basis. She's in college so when she get's the chance she will come see me and we go out and have sex together anywhere we can, we tell each other we love one another, and I want to marry her but I don't know how our family is going to take that. Are we wrong in the way we feel?

Quote from: hbionic on January 13, 2006, 10:04:02 PM

Quote from: FFatPatt on January 13, 2006, 08:06:49 PM

QuoteWhen I was 9 years old I was playing with my G.I. Joes and as any kid would I got curious about certain orifices on my body. So I was putting my G.I. joe up my rear, yeah, I know, how stupid was I. Anyways when I pulled it out, the head of the G.I. Joe got stuck, and I was really embarrased. I didn't want to tell my parents, and so I asked my sister to help me out who was 15 years old. Well, she proceeded to put a finger in that area, and get the G.I. Joe out. In the process I had what I realized was my first erection, and I didn't know what to do with it. My sister I guess got aroused by this and started to play with me and then started jerking me off....my confession is that since that day, I am 16 now and she is 21, we still mess around and have sex on a regular basis. She's in college so when she get's the chance she will come see me and we go out and have sex together anywhere we can, we tell each other we love one another, and I want to marry her but I don't know how our family is going to take that. Are we wrong in the way we feel?

[my pants]Zip[/my pants]            That was hot.

Quote from: EagleFeva on January 14, 2006, 08:31:41 PM

Quote from: hbionic on January 13, 2006, 10:04:02 PM

Quote from: FFatPatt on January 13, 2006, 08:06:49 PM

QuoteWhen I was 9 years old I was playing with my G.I. Joes and as any kid would I got curious about certain orifices on my body. So I was putting my G.I. joe up my rear, yeah, I know, how stupid was I. Anyways when I pulled it out, the head of the G.I. Joe got stuck, and I was really embarrased. I didn't want to tell my parents, and so I asked my sister to help me out who was 15 years old. Well, she proceeded to put a finger in that area, and get the G.I. Joe out. In the process I had what I realized was my first erection, and I didn't know what to do with it. My sister I guess got aroused by this and started to play with me and then started jerking me off....my confession is that since that day, I am 16 now and she is 21, we still mess around and have sex on a regular basis. She's in college so when she get's the chance she will come see me and we go out and have sex together anywhere we can, we tell each other we love one another, and I want to marry her but I don't know how our family is going to take that. Are we wrong in the way we feel?

[my pants]Zip[/my pants]            That was hot.

You're picturing yourself as the sister, aren't you?

Quote from: Sgt PSN on January 15, 2006, 12:05:24 PM

Quote from: EagleFeva on January 14, 2006, 08:31:41 PM

Quote from: hbionic on January 13, 2006, 10:04:02 PM

Quote from: FFatPatt on January 13, 2006, 08:06:49 PM

QuoteWhen I was 9 years old I was playing with my G.I. Joes and as any kid would I got curious about certain orifices on my body. So I was putting my G.I. joe up my rear, yeah, I know, how stupid was I. Anyways when I pulled it out, the head of the G.I. Joe got stuck, and I was really embarrased. I didn't want to tell my parents, and so I asked my sister to help me out who was 15 years old. Well, she proceeded to put a finger in that area, and get the G.I. Joe out. In the process I had what I realized was my first erection, and I didn't know what to do with it. My sister I guess got aroused by this and started to play with me and then started jerking me off....my confession is that since that day, I am 16 now and she is 21, we still mess around and have sex on a regular basis. She's in college so when she get's the chance she will come see me and we go out and have sex together anywhere we can, we tell each other we love one another, and I want to marry her but I don't know how our family is going to take that. Are we wrong in the way we feel?

[my pants]Zip[/my pants]            That was hot.

You're picturing yourself as the sister, aren't you?

No, he was picturing himself as the GI Joe. 

QuoteThis is not meant to be humor nor is it false. My first sexual experience happened when I was 6 years old. It wasn't a case of child abuse. It wasn't a family member or close family friend. It was the result of me playing doctor w/ the one girl who was my best friend (before she moved away). I was in kindergarten and didn't know anyone. This girl Kim strikes up a conversation w/ me and we became fast friends. One day, we were out in her backyard innocently playing doctor while her parents were watching tv inside the house. I convinced her that she needed to take off her clothes in order for me to give her a checkup. She was very shy at this and said we needed to do it in her room so she doesn't get in trouble. So we go in her room and she takes off everything. At this point, I got a hard-on. My first one. I didn't know what it meant but it sure hurt so I took off my pants and tried to figure out what was going on in my pants. Strangely enough, Kim told me at that point she started feeling itchy in her crotch area and had a feeling of butterflies in her stomach. Despite being both naked, we didn't realize our sexual feelings at this point. Our bodies were responding to each other. I took my FisherPrice sthethescope and put it on her private area and started rubbing like how I'd seen the doctor do to me when he checked to see if the scope was working. She told me it felt good. Me being a 'doctor' kept on rubbing thinking that it was a doctor's duty to make people feel good. I kept on going until she kicked me w/ her leg and shivered. I got scared for a moment not knowing she had her first orgasm. I was about to cry at that point until she told me it was ok since I made her feel really good. She wanted to do the same for me. Since I was already naked, this was easily done and she masturbated me by rubbing my penis (roughly) w/ the scope. I orgasmed as well but I managed to pee since, being 6, I hadn't started puberty to produce any semen yet. We quickly dressed up since we might get in trouble not knowing that had her parents known we were playing doctor (and clothed) in the first place, she would've been spanked a LOT as we found out the next time we tried to play doctor. Nevertheless, now that we knew how good we could make each other feel, we continued to explore each other until she moved away when she was 16. She was my first and my best. She taught me a lot about lust, love, and friendship. All the knowledge she'd given me has helped me immensely in my future relationships w/ women

QuoteI'm a 19 year old guy, and tonight I'm going to let a man more than twice my age give me a blowjob, just because I'm bored.

QuoteI feel really bad for my best friend's dad. He works real hard i think for them, and they don't give a damn. He's gotten a divorce from my best friend's mom now for over 3 years i think and he tried so hard to get the kids but he lost them and they don't care about him when they are over there. It makes me really sad, i want to hug him or something.

I also would like to have sex with him a lot. But that's not the point.

Quote from: Dillen37 on September 04, 2006, 08:49:11 PM

QuoteThis is not meant to be humor nor is it false. My first sexual experience happened when I was 6 years old. It wasn't a case of child abuse. It wasn't a family member or close family friend. It was the result of me playing doctor w/ the one girl who was my best friend (before she moved away). I was in kindergarten and didn't know anyone. This girl Kim strikes up a conversation w/ me and we became fast friends. One day, we were out in her backyard innocently playing doctor while her parents were watching tv inside the house. I convinced her that she needed to take off her clothes in order for me to give her a checkup. She was very shy at this and said we needed to do it in her room so she doesn't get in trouble. So we go in her room and she takes off everything. At this point, I got a hard-on. My first one. I didn't know what it meant but it sure hurt so I took off my pants and tried to figure out what was going on in my pants. Strangely enough, Kim told me at that point she started feeling itchy in her crotch area and had a feeling of butterflies in her stomach. Despite being both naked, we didn't realize our sexual feelings at this point. Our bodies were responding to each other. I took my FisherPrice sthethescope and put it on her private area and started rubbing like how I'd seen the doctor do to me when he checked to see if the scope was working. She told me it felt good. Me being a 'doctor' kept on rubbing thinking that it was a doctor's duty to make people feel good. I kept on going until she kicked me w/ her leg and shivered. I got scared for a moment not knowing she had her first orgasm. I was about to cry at that point until she told me it was ok since I made her feel really good. She wanted to do the same for me. Since I was already naked, this was easily done and she masturbated me by rubbing my penis (roughly) w/ the scope. I orgasmed as well but I managed to pee since, being 6, I hadn't started puberty to produce any semen yet. We quickly dressed up since we might get in trouble not knowing that had her parents known we were playing doctor (and clothed) in the first place, she would've been spanked a LOT as we found out the next time we tried to play doctor. Nevertheless, now that we knew how good we could make each other feel, we continued to explore each other until she moved away when she was 16. She was my first and my best. She taught me a lot about lust, love, and friendship. All the knowledge she'd given me has helped me immensely in my future relationships w/ women

QuoteI took a massive shtein in the office toilet. It got clogged and wouldn't go down after 2 more flushes, so I said "farg this" and just left it there. The other toilet was clogged too, so I guess that probably got them to do something about it.

QuoteI like him, I think he uses me to boost his ego. If I don't get to farg him tonight though, I'll try like hell to farg someone else.

Quotesometimes I go to resteraunts and beat off with the condiments

QuoteIn a perfect world women would be nothing but slaves and farg toys.

QuoteI am a specialist 3rd class in the USMC, and I just got back from Iraq and a week before I left, my sergeant ordered me to shoot 12 Iraqi children in the face. I don't know how I did it. He hid the bodies. Nobody knows we did it...

QuoteI have a hidden video camera in my bathroom (and bedroom) to catch my one-night-stands, and one time a neighbor was over with his 10 year old son and I forgot I had the recorders going. His kid went into the bathroom and actually masturbated, and he was crazy, he was all over the room in all kinds of positions.

I was so ashamed, and erased over it. Yet a little intrigued. Where do kids learn that?

QuoteIm only attracted to the guys who drink and smoke pot. I dont do either, be for some reason i want to start. I dont because I dont want to blow at volleyball. I am also attracted to guys if i think they will beat me.

Quote from: Sgt PSN on September 13, 2006, 08:24:59 PM
Uh, it was about 5 topics up from the bottom of the page. 

QuoteI'm 14 and want a dog to farg me

QuoteI secretely had a sex change and my hermaphodite girl/boy friend thinks im cheating on them with a pumpkin.

QuoteI like this guy named Trevor, but I don't think he likes me. I want to one day be with him, and father his children. He reminds me of E.T.

QuoteI'm on the wrestling team at my high school and at practice a few days ago, my friend stuck his fingers in my butt and it kind of turned me on so I asked him if he was interested in guys and he said yes so we had sex and now we are together! I like squirrels and smoothies.

QuoteIf I had aids, I would farg every person I see, legally or not, just to spead the virus.

QuoteI am attracted to plus-size women, and I don't mind it. Eat up, fatty!

Quoteits not gay if you don't cum.

Quoteim a 19 yr old female, i have no friends no job and no life.

sometimes i go to this one street downtown and knife sluts to make me feel better about myself.

Quote from: MDS on September 14, 2006, 12:36:05 PM

QuoteI secretely had a sex change and my hermaphodite girl/boy friend thinks im cheating on them with a pumpkin.

QuoteI like this guy named Trevor, but I don't think he likes me. I want to one day be with him, and father his children. He reminds me of E.T.

QuoteI'm on the wrestling team at my high school and at practice a few days ago, my friend stuck his fingers in my butt and it kind of turned me on so I asked him if he was interested in guys and he said yes so we had sex and now we are together! I like squirrels and smoothies.

Quote from: MDS on September 14, 2006, 12:36:05 PM

QuoteI am attracted to plus-size women, and I don't mind it. Eat up, fatty!

QuoteI sometimes find myself sexually attracted to my daughter. She is 12 years old and i am 33. I find it very strange and wrong, and i don't know what would happen if she was attracted to me as well. I suppose i would have sex with her. I am her mother after all.

Quote
   

I have had gay black sex with over 200 non-white men in the last year, all because I feel guilty about slavery (I'm white).

Quotei told this girl on msn im talking to right now that i don't have a girlfriend, when i actually do.

QuoteWhen I have sex the only thing i can think about is the face of my best friends boyfriend. One time I actually screamed his name and my husband got really mad and punched me b/c he thought i was cheating. Lately ive been thinking about slipping him some sleeping pills and packing everything i own up and leaving him in a burning house... am i horriable?

QuoteI shaved all my pubic hair off for my girlfreind and she laughed afterwards and completly humiliating me, i sat on my yoga mat and cried for hours.

Quotei like to rub my penis and then smell my hands

QuoteSometimes i just wanna stand up in the middle of a large crowd in my school and scream:


You farging jews!


Thatd be hilarious.

QuoteAbout five years ago I made a little joke account at some forum, and made it seem as though I was female (I'm male, you see). It was very simple, you know, getting my kicks out of it. I didn't think it would escalate into anything, really, I was just goofing around. But then it stretched beyond the forum, it went into IMs, I started to get to know these people, I couldn't confess it to them.

Now, I stand here, five years later. I still talk to a few of these people that I met, and they still believe I am a female. I've had little "internet relationships" with some of these people as well. Masquerading as a female on a forum was the worst thing I've ever had to maintain.

I needed to get that off of my chest.

QuoteI can only stand three people right now. The rest make me claw my skin with hatred.

QuoteWhen my Pekingese growls at me or does something bad, I threaten to sell him to a Korean restaurant (because Chinese people likely would not eat Pekingese).

This straightens him right out.

QuoteI must confess...
I am quite gorgeous, I really am.. I am nice, intelligent, not shy, as many would suspect coming. But Ive never had a boyfriend... or anything like a fling or an affair for that matter. This is all thanks to my ex boyfriend who, when we were 16 and (as he claimed) were both deeply in love with one another, cheated on me with our best friend. This is not all... he got her pregnant.. I am scared of guys hurting me now... in any (physical or emotional) way... and so, remain single, despite being on a popular demand. Thanks YOU*

QuoteI just had anal with my friend's sister. It sucked.

QuoteWhat will the Musilms do to the White people when they take over.

QuoteI shaved my pubis to be sexy for someone. I didn't have sex with them, they didn't see my hairlessness and now I have ingrown hairs and razor burn all over my crotch.

Quotei beat off then eat my sperm
and i like it

Quotewhen i was a young kid i would sneak into my grandmothers closet while she was changing and masterbate while she was changing. i didnt even have the respect to clean up after myself.

Quotei also met a guy that i talked to on the internet alot. he was gay and i was bi-curious. he was into really kinky things. so he asked me to stick a baseball bat up his anal opening, it then got stuck and he started to panic. causing it to get stuck into his anus. i rushed him to the hospital and left him there alone. i havent spoken to him since.

QuoteI know it's really bad, but I'm glad that my city's police department is racist. I don't want black people anywhere near my house. I'm afraid they'll rob me while they're high or something.

Quotei know a guy who is obsessed with eagles tickets and the policies by which they are sold. he works in my office and frequently stabs a joe banner doll with a plastic spork while sobbing uncontrollably. my boss hates him and the it department found kiddie porn on his hard drive.

QuoteI jacked off to a picture of a little nigglet boy that I was supposed to be sponsoring in africa

Quote from: MDS on September 15, 2006, 04:36:00 PM

QuoteI jacked off to a picture of a little nigglet boy that I was supposed to be sponsoring in africa

QuoteI came home this morning at 8am, completely high on cocaine, and took a shteinload of naked pictures of myself looking all "sexy."

Just now, ten hours later, after the Xanax I took had worn off along with the coke, I looked at the pictures expecting to be appalled and ashamed.

But I actually look pretty good except for the patchy pubic hair, which I compulsively pull out.

Quotei love to eat my own Hoyda juice, and find nothing wrong with that.

QuoteOne of my biggest pet peeves is when people misspell the simplet of words.

I'm talking about things like "alot", or "masterbate", or even mixing up "their", "there", and "they're".

Quotei am scared to use tampons
-----------------------------
So is Dani.

Yes Dani...Ms "I Masturbated Once".

No you didn't. But I promise you that your vaginal orifice is not a black hole of doom.

QuoteI know this girl who was just hit by a van. She hurt herself badly, but for some reason, I cant stop laughing about it. I feel bad, but i just cant stop farging laughing at the thought of someone getting hit by a car.

Quote
I farged a turtle.

Quote
   
One time I gave a kid a lap dance. He became erect on my ass. My mom was jealous. She slapped my breast, I cried.

Quote
i make it a point every monday, wednesday, and friday, after a long tiring day at my stressful job, to shtein in a plastic bag while driving, and then throw it out the window wantonly at innocent drivers on the road next to me.after doing this, i feel vindicated. thanks.

Quote

Quote
So I touch my icehole and smell my finger, big deal. You read that a lot here.

But I just realized that I also do it in the middle of conversation, in the company of friends and strangers. I make it look like I casually readjust my clothes.

At least, I hope it looks like that.

QuoteMy vagine smells like garlic... I have some sort ofan infection and read on the internet that it helps. It's not helping.. now I reek! Hopefully it'll get better by Saturday bcause I think I'm going to have sex with my ex that day.

QuoteI live in a small town in Kansas. I've always been the artsy type..painting, photography...while most other guys around here were more jocky. Tons of guys joined the millitary after high school and now almost all of them are in Iraq. They send letters home saying how proud they are of their wives and how it must be hard for them to deal with their husbands being away.

Well do you know how they deal with it?

They farg me.

Thats right. While you are away getting your ass hot off I'm shooting myself off in your wifes ass. Thank God for George Bush. I have about 4 wives I'm currently farging because of his great leadership. I voted republican this year and then promptly went to a shipped off wives's home and came in her mouth.

QuoteLast night, I found out my girlfriend had been cheating on me and had stolen money from me to buy drugs. I snapped and beat the hell out of her. I left her apartment with her on the floor, bleeding, calling her a whore. I swore I would never hurt a girl, but she had it coming...she better not tell anyone it was me or there will be hell to pay. I am an educated professional and will not let a drug addicted slut ruin my life...

QuoteI have 10 gigabytes worth of data related to Jessica Alba. That's how I know we were never meant to be. I hate falling in love/obssessing over her sometimes. What can I say?

Quotewe're all a bunch of farging idiots

Quote
I made my friend drink a hair-growth formula when he was drunk, and now he has hair growing on his tongue. The worst part of it is, I want to "accidentally" poor some on his eyes.

QuoteI am staying over my brother's house for a while. I was just watching TV with his wife and she fell asleep on the couch. I could see right down her top and it got me so hard. I jerked off right there with her sleeping next to me on the couch. It was the biggest rush I ever had.

QuoteI just masturbated. And my hands aren't clean. And I'm worried that getting a tie dye Pink Floyd shirt would make me a hippy. Especially since it would invariably end up smelling like weed.

Quotei am torn between two hatreds...one being asians and the other being cats. you would think i should like asians because they eat cats but really i freakin hate them

QuoteI fantasize that the girl I have a crush on had psoriasis instead of me. That way I could ask her out without feeling bad about it. I've never seen a girl with psoriasis.
It sucks... big time.

Quotemy girlfriend's crotch smells like spinach.

Quote
With this new digital camera I recently purchased, I'm gonna record myself jerking off, then jerk off while watching it.

QuoteA friend and I who talk on the net all the time have become secretly addicted to reading posts on this site. We think that most people are wierd and read it as a release from our normal lives.

Quoteim going to be 45 tomorrow and i still poop my pants often

QuoteI just wrote out my confession, and then accidentally hit the back button and erased it. I won't rewrite it because I'm secretly very superstitious, and take things like this as signs from God/gods. I was not meant to confess that particular thing today, and doing so would no doubt result in some heinous aftermath. I'm afraid to tell anyone about my superstition because I'm usually a very reasonable and logical person. I don't want to sound crazy.

QuoteI love littering.

QuoteI'm 30. I'd never heard the term "emo" until I found this website.

When I was your age, we called them "whiny hipster iceholes."

And we called grown-up Whiny Hipster iceholes "SNAGs" (sensitive new-age guys).

Message to all who fall under any of those appellations:

STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW BAD YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SEXISM WOMEN FACE EVERY DAY.

What a transparent, slimy tactic to get laid (if you can get laid at all). How is this any more decent than a drunk preppy bragging about how much money he has and telling me I have a nice ass? At least the preppy is open and honest about what he's after.

And for farg's sake:

WATCH SPORTS!

PLAY THE GUITAR!

BE A MAN, GODDAMNIT!

Quotemy g/f and I have been seeing each other for almost a year. I'll probably end up marrying her, she's great. We have amazing unprotected sex. When she gets her period, we slap each other a high five and say, "Welp, one more month!"

QuoteI like to poke people in the eye when I farg them.. I say it's an accident but I really mean it.. I can't help it, I try not to do it every time... My girlfriend seems like she's used to it but I still feel bad.

Quotei swallowed three quarters and a dime yesterday and still havent pooped them out.

QuoteI let my dog hump my leg for about 10 minutes before he stopped. To be honest it turned me on a little.

Quote
   

sometimes a get an erection while im on a bus 2-5 minutes before my stop, it always goes ROCK HARD and a feel as if i should just get up and poke the person next to me in the face whith it. Also once i cummed in a letter and sent it to a random person.

QuoteI'm a 23 year old grad student in film. I've got tons of friends and people generally like me. I've only had two girlfriends in my life. I'm single now and feeling lonely. The only things I want to do are make a movie, meet a nice girl, and do a rail of coke and then beat a newborn baby seal. I'm healthy, right...

Quote369067176
   

I think i'd make a great hitman.

I'm methodical and think laterally.

I'd even get a tattoo of a barcode on the back of my head if it helped.


I play too many videogames

Quotei like to stick my meatcicle in fans but just to tease the tip of my meatcicle. I really enjoy putting my meatcicle in donuts, ecpecially boston cream donuts. Then i like to call my best friend and make chicken noises to his mom. When his mom says i know who this is, i call her a donut boy farger.

QuoteWhenever I fart near people, I think to myself "yeah, you f****rs, smell my fart"

QuoteMy dad is a member of Al-Quaida, living in the USA, and I can't turn him in even though I think some of the things he believes are horrible.

Quote from: Jerome99RIP on February 08, 2007, 10:55:47 AM

QuoteMy dad is a member of Al-Quaida, living in the USA, and I can't turn him in even though I think some of the things he believes are horrible.

:-D

Quote from: rjs246 on February 08, 2007, 10:46:32 AM

QuoteWhenever I fart near people, I think to myself "yeah, you f****rs, smell my fart"

Quote
I am a bald patent attorney in the DC area. Although I am married, I am constantly having gay sexual trysts with nameless faceless strangers that I pick up in gay bars. I love it when several men run a train on me! I am really into giving oral and receiving anal. Of course my wife doesnt know, but I am just not attracted to her or any woman really. I only married her so people wouldnt think I am gay. One other thing: I tell everyone that I am a taterskins fan, but deep down, I love the Dallas Cowboys

QuoteI'm gay and have serious issues. I have had a boyfriend for several years and we had finally planned to be married this fall. The thing is, i dress in drag and he thought i was a woman. I get off at the through of others in pain so i planned my move for the honeymoon. After we were married we were off to las vegas, since he grew up in a family that preached abstinence this would be his first time. He was so excited until he found out i had a huge penis. I laughed my ass off and got a divorce later that month.

QuoteSometimes I think the only thing that prevents me from killing myself is my laziness.

Quotemy roomates always use my hand towel in the bathroom. so i wiped my butt with it after i took a shower. now they wipe their faces with my butt.

Quote
I did something bad :(
I accidently ejaculated on my cat then managed to shoot it 4 times and kill it, I then tried to bury the cat but ended up ejaculating on it again. I left it downstairs and run upstairs, where I've lived ever since. 6 years now.

Quotei fail at everything i try to accomplish. school, losing weight, making friends, keeping a job.

sometimes i really wish i would've gone through with suicide when i was ten, instead of chickening out.

QuoteI put my penis in a Goldfish's bowl once.

QuoteI'm not racist but everytime I see a black person I say stillupfront in my head and laugh to myself..I don't understand

Quotechinese democracy starts now

QuoteMy old girlfriend from college used to fart when ever she felt like it. Even if we were in public, she'd just let one rip and not give a damn. She was kind of a tomboy, but only in her actions.

Anyway, this one time when we were having sex she farted so loud that she pooped on the bed sheets. She was so embarrassed and ending up crying... but the reason why she cried wasn't because she pooped on the sheets, it was because I couldn't stop laughing at her. In fact, I laughed to the point where I started to fart like a machine gun. I couldn't stop myself.

So, in the end, she broke up with me because she felt I wasn't "mature" enough to handle her "mature" farts.

QuoteI am about to go tomy uncle's birthday dinner, And i just cummed on my shirt.

Quote
I get anal tears from my oversized poos

Quoteyesterday, all my troubles were so far away

why she had to go, I don't know
she wouldn't say :(

QuoteI am asian yet my hair isn't cool.
What gives?

QuoteI shave my pubic hairs and eat them.

Quote
one time i wanted a chicken parm sub so badly that I cried

QuoteOne time I punched a homeless guy in the face and told him I'd do it again it he didn't give me a blowjob. I came in his eyes too. I'm sorry for that.

QuoteI jammed my finger in my ass the other day and i got a boner. So i wanked at the same time. Being gay cant be that bad.

Quote from: mussa on October 10, 2007, 07:53:21 PM

QuoteI jammed my finger in my ass the other day and i got a boner. So i wanked at the same time. Being gay cant be that bad.

chuggie?

Quotei just recently sharted, it sucked

Quoteive been hooking up with a girl for a while. i like hooking up with her, but she only lets me farg her in the ass. i think im gonna break it off.

Quote from: rjs246 on October 11, 2007, 11:10:48 AM

Quoteive been hooking up with a girl for a while. i like hooking up with her, but she only lets me farg her in the ass. i think im gonna break it off.

Um, what's the problem here?

Quote from: Diomedes on October 11, 2007, 11:16:36 AM
I dated a chick like that in college..she thought it meant she was still a virgin. 

QuoteI'm the guy who busts down the stall doors in mens bathrooms.

I can't shtein in a perfect square.

Quotei once farged a wild panda bear when i went to china

Quote"..Eddy.

your a loser

Jade"

Jade, you stupid farger, it's "you're." As in, YOU ARE a farging loser for misusing a possessive noun as a verb.

^ I confess that stupid people like Jade piss me off to no end. You have no business insulting someone in a language you can't even use correctly. Go back to grade school or die, I'll cheer either way.

QuoteI think Hansel is so hot right now

QuoteSometimes, when I poop, I think about stuffing it back up there.

QuoteIs it wrong I taught my dog how to masturbate?

I am so alone

QuoteI dumped my ex boyfriend because I didn't like his attitudes about sex. However, if I could farg just one person right now, dear God, it would be him.

QuoteI have been told that I forced my female cousin to kiss me when I was a little girl.


I dont remeber it in the slightest bit.
I dont remeber a lot of things about my past.

QuoteI woke up one morning and discovered I somehow had "messed" myself, I mean I shtein myself. This had NEVER happened before, but I didn't clean everything up right away either, because it felt good. I went back to sleep and when I woke up everything was encrusted and when I took a shower the warm water reactivated the smell and I passed out. When I woke up I realized I had hit my head and was bleeding quite a bit, and the shower was still running and everything. Eventually I went to the hospital and they had to shave the area and give me stitches. Although, I almost wouldn't have changed a thing, that feeling was incredible. If only it hadn't stunk so badly washing up.

QuoteI am ugly, I am overweight, I am 18, and I have acne. I am never going to get a boyfriend. I had my first kiss last night from a guy... but he's gay. Go. Me.

QuoteOk, I couldnt help it, it was so tempting. I mean you'd do it too if you could. When she came to me, she aked me for a favor, I just thought I would help her out...I five starred her in her vagina.

QuoteI keep watching "School of Rock" and having sexual fantasies about the little girl who plays the bassist Katie. She's so pretty, and has such a hot look on her face, like she could rock your farging world, even though she's only like 10. The girl who plays Summer is cute too...I'd definitely molest her if given half a chance, but Katie is the kind of girl you'd kidnap and chain in your basement. I know it's perverted, but my first sexual experience was with a 10 year old cousin when I was 17. She was experienced even then, she was the best, and I always seek to recapture that.

Not that I ever have.

Except for the one girl that time. And she was 14, and already a super-slut.

Quote from: Sgt PSN on October 12, 2007, 11:19:33 AM
Today's a good day for grouphug.  This might be my favorite ever. 

QuoteOk, I couldnt help it, it was so tempting. I mean you'd do it too if you could. When she came to me, she aked me for a favor, I just thought I would help her out...I five starred her in her vagina.

QuoteWhen I was a senior in highschool, I dated this freshman and she was really hot.
One time when we were having sex, she said if I wanted to I could stick it in her ass.

Well, I did and she screamed and started crying. I pulled out and that was the last time I have ever tried anal sex. It was scary.

Quotei've slept with more guys than you think:
c
b
k
a
n
p
and i've messed around with:
m
a

it's all in the past, but i'll never tell you because we are getting married and no one wants to marry a slut.
ps - one of those was your own brother, and his dick is bigger than yours. i'm sorry

QuoteMy adopted brother James has a REALLY fat ass. When he dies, I wanna get it stuffed and hang it on my wall.

QuoteI was riding a friend's bike on the journey home, which is like 20 minutes, and its saddle was really hard and painful to sit on. Long story short, after checking in the mirror i can confirm i have a blister right next to my anus.

Thanks for listening!

Quotei once rolled a joint with a page i ripped out of the bible

QuoteEverytime I'm away on business and staying in hotels, I bring porn mags with me. That's not the confession. The confession is that I tear pages out and hide them in the Gideon bibles placed in the bed side drawer. I like to think I'm giving people the inspiration they're looking for.

Quote from: rjs246 on October 12, 2007, 11:14:36 AM

QuoteI woke up one morning and discovered I somehow had "messed" myself, I mean I shtein myself. This had NEVER happened before, but I didn't clean everything up right away either, because it felt good. I went back to sleep and when I woke up everything was encrusted and when I took a shower the warm water reactivated the smell and I passed out. When I woke up I realized I had hit my head and was bleeding quite a bit, and the shower was still running and everything. Eventually I went to the hospital and they had to shave the area and give me stitches. Although, I almost wouldn't have changed a thing, that feeling was incredible. If only it hadn't stunk so badly washing up.

Quote from: Sgt PSN on October 12, 2007, 11:47:48 AM

Quotei once rolled a joint with a page i ripped out of the bible

Quotei have small teeth. my eyes are the same color as my skin. i have 7 and a half toes. i teach drivers ed and i feel that my students do not respect me because of this.

QuoteI drive around endlessly with my cork out. Gives me a charge when girls catch a glimpse of it. It's pretty illegal shtein, I cud do time. Scary. Lose the job, family, house ... guess that's why I do it. Oh, that and my crap nonexistent married sex life.

QuoteWhen I think I am done wiping my ass after taking a crap, I always rub my pointer finger across my icehole firmly and then put it in my mouth to confirm that the job is complete. I do wash my hands afterwards though, so I guess its not that weird.

QuoteWhen im in bed at night.. i slide my hand down my stomach, slip it into my panties.. and start to finger my Hoyda.. all i need right now is a farg... not 'love making'..or 'sex' I just want a guy to use me and abuse me.. maybe even rape me.. though it wouldn't be rape.. because i'd want it... I'm masterbating right now..

Quotewhen i was younger i would play doctor with my best friend. at the time nothing seemed wrong about it and even one time his dog walked in on us inspecting each other. it was so awkward. everytime i go to that house, the dog looks at me weird.

QuoteI tentacle rape schoolgirls. I know I shouldn't, but I was drawn in by all the tentacle rape porn you find on every other channel on TV.

QuoteI always invite my nieghbor over to watch TV and then ask her to give me hand jobs. The problem is she is an amputee and kinda retarded, thats why she always falls for my trick. Like yesterday I was showing her naked pictures of The Fall Guy, then I asked her if she wanted to thumb wrestle. She didnt think that was funny, so I apologized, then asked for a handjob. She didnt think that was funny either and started to cry, so I tackled her while she was trying to run out of my house, and i dry humped her leg until I nutted in my underwear.

Sometimes I feel bad, but then I remember shes retarded, so I guess it doesnt really count.

I cant wait until tomorrow Im going to show her my X- rated Jason Bateman collection

QuoteI love Star Trek. Every time when I'm taking a dump, I say "Engage!" And pretend that I'm actually taking a dump on the holodeck.

QuoteI foundmyself masturbating to the text of people's confessions..
Wonder if I can become a priest, I'd really like that

QuoteI cannot wipe my ass with toilet paper. I must use pre-moistened wipes. If none are available, I will resort to using wet paper towels and throwing them in the trash can.


I do not like the idea of smearing shtein all over my ass.

QuoteI know this girl who was just hit by a van. She hurt herself badly, but for some reason, I cant stop laughing about it. I feel bad, but i just cant stop farging laughing at the thought of someone getting hit by a car.

Quotethere was one time when i was siting on the toilet when i craped up a bird then i saw it closer it was my pet bird i was drunk at the time.

Quotei really cant stand it when people write "i would of..."
its "would have" you stupid iceholes.

QuoteI have sex with co-worker

QuoteWhat is up with these asians and their nail salons?

QuoteI've had sex with a deer.

QuoteThe first time I ever gave an Actual handjob I sprained my wrist.

QuoteLast night i stuck my finger up my ass.

QuoteI fantasize about shooting my semen over the moon

QuoteGod help me, my wife is a screaming nightmare.

I did this to myself. This is now my life.

Quote from: rjs246 on October 17, 2007, 01:40:35 PM

QuoteGod help me, my wife is a screaming nightmare.

I did this to myself. This is now my life.

This made me laugh. Sucker.

Quotewhen I smoke pot I get instantly horny. My bf gets introspective and doesn't want to have sex. I'm kinda frustrated woth that but I can't tell him
I need a huge cock in my Hoyda

Quoteits times like these that make me want to cross over into oncoming traffic.

QuoteIs it strange that when I masturbate I have to set the mood? Dim lights, the perfect lotion, some barry white, and hiding in the closet while my sister changes.

Quote422633570

Fat people are harder to kidnap

QuoteToday, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

QuoteToday, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

QuoteToday, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML

QuoteToday, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy iceholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy

QuoteToday, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire.

Quote from: Seabiscuit36 on March 28, 2009, 10:09:49 PM

QuoteToday, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy iceholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy

QuoteI lost my virginity to a nasty fat chick, I regret it....but sometimes at night I think about me penetrating her and jack off and when im finished I regret it again