Great lines from the movies

[shorebird]

Miss Russell, I should've called the police that night but I was weak. You convinced me to stay silent. I regret that. Know this: every time I see your face, I wanna rip your throat out.

[General_Failure]

Johnny: What the farg is going on? WHAT THE farg IS GOING ON? You know, all my life, I've been careful to stay in my own corner. Looking out for Number One... no complications. Now, suddenly, I'm responsible for the *entire farging world*, and everybody and his mother is trying to kill me, IF... IF... my head doesn't blow up first.

Jane: Maybe it's not just about you any more.

Johnny: Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT'S where I'm supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and the farging last month's newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. I've had it with them, I've had it with you, I've had it with ALL THIS - *I want ROOM SERVICE*! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered... like they do... at the Imperial Hotel... in Tokyo.

[MadMarchHare]

"Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."

[MadMarchHare]

"Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is."

Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.

How about a magic trick?

I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.

Ta-daa!

[Zanshin]

I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.

[Phanatic]

I think you're all farged in the head. We're ten hours from the farging fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much farging fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're iceholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy shtein!

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shtein he is. Hallelujah. Holy shtein. Where's the Tylenol?

[ATV]

"The world is thus."

"No, thus have we made the world."

[PhillyPhanInDC]

Know your dope fiend. You will not be able to see his eyes because of tea shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim

We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, laughers, screamers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into locked a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastich chase you. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g's, and fast heel-toe work.

You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

When I came to, the general back-alley ambience of the suite was so rotten, so incredibly foul. How long had I been lying there? All these signs of violence. What had happened? There was evidence in this room of excessive consumption of almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 AD. What kind of addict would need all these coconut husks and crushed honeydew rinds? Would the presence of junkies account for all these uneaten french fries? These puddles of glazed ketchup on the bureau? Maybe so. But then why all this booze? And these crude pornographic photos smeared with mustard that had dried to a hard yellow crust? These were not the hoofprints of your average God-fearing junky. It was too savage. Too aggressive.

Turkish: farg me, hold tight. What's that?
Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish.
Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?
Tommy: It's for protection.
Turkish: Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?

It turned out that the sweet-talking, tattoo-sporting pikey was a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion. Which makes him harder than a coffin nail. Right now, that's the last thing on Tommy's mind. If Gorgeous doesn't wake up in the next few minutes, Tommy knows he'll be buried with him. Why would the gypsies go through the trouble of explaining why a man died in their campsite when they can bury the pair of them and just move camp? It's not like they got social security numbers, is it? Tommy - the tit - is praying. And if he isn't, he farging should be.

Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the louisville slugger. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey flag balls.

Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.

Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell Hoyda and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old Hoyda, and have brought your two small mincey flag balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no Hoyda here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun...

Bullet Tooth Tony: And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O"...

[Withdraws his gun and puts it on the table]

Bullet Tooth Tony: Written down the side of mine...

Bullet Tooth Tony: Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... farg off!

Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible funhole... me.

Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?

Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shtein, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[Munson]

"Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is."

Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.

How about a magic trick?

I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.

Ta-daa!

I prefer...

What do you want?!

................I just want my phone call.

[SD_Eagle5]

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner"

[SD_Eagle5]

"I'm gonna get all the sleep I need when I'm dead"

"My Grandfather"
"He looks like an important man"
"He was an icehole"

"Right boot"

"Oh yeah baby, I'm gonna make you my regular Saturday night thing...oh yeah"
Yo, Steve! You're history.
But I'm on my break!
Stay on it.
Ah, shtein!



"That gal's got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that"

"I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That's life. Who can explain it? "

"If somebody gets in your face and calls you a corksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you, and you'll both be nice. I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal."

Being called a corksucker isn't personal?
No. It's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response.
What if somebody calls my mama a whore?
Is she?

[Drunkmasterflex]

"Hey Griswald what are you doing with that tree?"

"Bend over and I'll show ya!"

"You can't talk to me like that!"

"I wasn't talking to you!"

[reese125]

Clark: "With this bonus...Im putting in a swimming pool!"

Clark""...and if there is any left over...Im flying you all down here to celebrate it."

Eddie: "I cant swim Clark."

Clark: "I know that Eddie."

[Phanatic]

"Where the white women at?"