Joke thread

[hbionic]

Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!",
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
" Happy Birthday."

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !"

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?"

I responded,
"I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?"
She said,
"Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing "Happy Birthday".


And I just sat there...


On the couch....


NAKED

[Tomahawk]

What does broccoli and anal have in common?








Kids don't like anything you force on them

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

Sun Mo stole Tomahawk's account.

[Rome]

Yeah, we need one, so farg off.

Man overdoses on Viagra, Cialis & Levitra.  Official cause of death? 

HARD attack.

[rjs246]

DUMBASS.

[Rome]

I don't get it.

[Rome]

Holy shtein.  Did someone really just take the time to merge an eight year old thread that hasn't been posted in for over two years with the one I just made?

That's awesome.

[Diomedes]

First thing I thought when I saw your "new" joke thread a few minutes ago was:  wtf...Rome knows damn well that we have one already, AND he knows how to use the search function...

Merge WIN

[Rome]

Didn't know we had one.  The farging thing was eight years old.  It was so old people like None Betta, Syracuse, & Chuck Chillout were still posting here. 

Plus PG started it.  A joke thread.  PG. 

How would I even search for something like that?

Still, excellent merge.

[General_Failure]

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: ''The Lord of the Rings'' and ''Atlas Shrugged''. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

[Diomedes]

Ayn Rand's "objectivism" summed up in five words:

"farg you, I got mine."

[Eagaholic]

A priest, a minister and a rabbi go into a bar and sit down. The bartender looks at them and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

[hbionic]

What does broccoli and anal have in common?


Kids don't like anything you force on them

How did I miss that one.

[Zanshin]

Haha...I forgot all about those eagle heads.

[hbionic]

Haha...I forgot all about those eagle heads.

We used to be able to do half heads too.