Grouphug

[rjs246]

I secretely had a sex change and my hermaphodite girl/boy friend thinks im cheating on them with a pumpkin.

I like this guy named Trevor, but I don't think he likes me. I want to one day be with him, and father his children. He reminds me of E.T.

I'm on the wrestling team at my high school and at practice a few days ago, my friend stuck his fingers in my butt and it kind of turned me on so I asked him if he was interested in guys and he said yes so we had sex and now we are together! I like squirrels and smoothies.

These three made me laugh. Hard.

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

The middle one is the least funny because it might actually be real.

[Sgt PSN]

I am attracted to plus-size women, and I don't mind it. Eat up, fatty!

This one cracked me up. 

[MDS]

Don't tell me your whore of an ex-wife was a tubster.

[phattymatty]

I sometimes find myself sexually attracted to my daughter. She is 12 years old and i am 33. I find it very strange and wrong, and i don't know what would happen if she was attracted to me as well. I suppose i would have sex with her. I am her mother after all.

[phattymatty]

   

I have had gay black sex with over 200 non-white men in the last year, all because I feel guilty about slavery (I'm white).

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

i told this girl on msn im talking to right now that i don't have a girlfriend, when i actually do.

What a rebel!

When I have sex the only thing i can think about is the face of my best friends boyfriend. One time I actually screamed his name and my husband got really mad and punched me b/c he thought i was cheating. Lately ive been thinking about slipping him some sleeping pills and packing everything i own up and leaving him in a burning house... am i horriable?

I, personally, think she is definitely horriable (sic).

I shaved all my pubic hair off for my girlfreind and she laughed afterwards and completly humiliating me, i sat on my yoga mat and cried for hours.

I know I always sit on my yoga mat when I'm feeling "down".

i like to rub my penis and then smell my hands

Who doesn't?

Sometimes i just wanna stand up in the middle of a large crowd in my school and scream:


You farging jews!


Thatd be hilarious.

That's religionist!

About five years ago I made a little joke account at some forum, and made it seem as though I was female (I'm male, you see). It was very simple, you know, getting my kicks out of it. I didn't think it would escalate into anything, really, I was just goofing around. But then it stretched beyond the forum, it went into IMs, I started to get to know these people, I couldn't confess it to them.

Now, I stand here, five years later. I still talk to a few of these people that I met, and they still believe I am a female. I've had little "internet relationships" with some of these people as well. Masquerading as a female on a forum was the worst thing I've ever had to maintain.

I needed to get that off of my chest.

This could be any number of "ladies" on the EMB.  Ewww.

I can only stand three people right now. The rest make me claw my skin with hatred.

Writer:  rjs  "three people":  phattymatty, SunMo, and IGY

When my Pekingese growls at me or does something bad, I threaten to sell him to a Korean restaurant (because Chinese people likely would not eat Pekingese).

This straightens him right out.

I'll bet it does.

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

I must confess...
I am quite gorgeous, I really am.. I am nice, intelligent, not shy, as many would suspect coming. But Ive never had a boyfriend... or anything like a fling or an affair for that matter. This is all thanks to my ex boyfriend who, when we were 16 and (as he claimed) were both deeply in love with one another, cheated on me with our best friend. This is not all... he got her pregnant.. I am scared of guys hurting me now... in any (physical or emotional) way... and so, remain single, despite being on a popular demand. Thanks YOU*

Uh huh.

[MDS]

I just had anal with my friend's sister. It sucked.

What will the Musilms do to the White people when they take over.

I shaved my pubis to be sexy for someone. I didn't have sex with them, they didn't see my hairlessness and now I have ingrown hairs and razor burn all over my crotch.

i beat off then eat my sperm
and i like it

[Feva]

when i was a young kid i would sneak into my grandmothers closet while she was changing and masterbate while she was changing. i didnt even have the respect to clean up after myself.

And from the same farging person...

i also met a guy that i talked to on the internet alot. he was gay and i was bi-curious. he was into really kinky things. so he asked me to stick a baseball bat up his anal opening, it then got stuck and he started to panic. causing it to get stuck into his anus. i rushed him to the hospital and left him there alone. i havent spoken to him since.

[Dillen]

I know it's really bad, but I'm glad that my city's police department is racist. I don't want black people anywhere near my house. I'm afraid they'll rob me while they're high or something.

[PhillyPhreak54]

i know a guy who is obsessed with eagles tickets and the policies by which they are sold. he works in my office and frequently stabs a joe banner doll with a plastic spork while sobbing uncontrollably. my boss hates him and the it department found kiddie porn on his hard drive.

[General_Failure]

rjs?

[MDS]

   

I jacked off to a picture of a little nigglet boy that I was supposed to be sponsoring in africa

[Sgt PSN]

I jacked off to a picture of a little nigglet boy that I was supposed to be sponsoring in africa

That is without a doubt, the funniest farging thing I've ever read.