I've got it. And bad. I drank a few pitchers of Bud Light last night (even though I know better b/c bud always makes my guts angry and rotten) and I am now paying the price.
I've been in the shteinter 4 times already today and every time its the same thing. One large explosion followed by about 3 minutes of pops and whistles followed by 5 minutes of wiping and wiping and wiping and still feeling filthy.
Don't drink Budweiser.
Budweiser is rightfully the King Of Beers. Your stomach must be a sissybitch.
I figured the years of abuse would have toughened it up. I have coddled it with redmeat, bacon, chili, Miller products and Guinness. You would think my intestinal tract would scoff at a little Budweiser. You would be wrong.
Bud does terrible things to me, I stay clear of all of the Budweiser products, most Busch beers too, same result.
How did I know this thread was started by you before opening the General Section? :-D
I'd also add PBR and Beast to that list.
I always know I'm going to have a good shtein the next morning after spending a night with Newcastle. :yay
Is that your code name for him?
and mexican teenagers.
i drank molsen canadian, lager, captain and coke, red bull and vodka, and PBR last night. my brain feels numb. my ass has yet to explode. but it will. very soon.
So how come RJS threads have been anal focused of late?
Quote from: Phanatic on July 01, 2005, 01:38:45 PM
So how come RJS threads have been anal focused of late?
Who's gonna step up and hit that softball?
rjs just has to have his cheerios in the morning...that's all.
Nothing give me teh explosive diarrhea quite like Icehouse.
:-D at this whole thread.
and :-D because you guys have shteiner troubles.
It's back. And to make matters worse this is day two which means that my delicate o-ring is already raw and chafed.
I'm scared to blast my necessary dookie, but the fear of blasting it is making me have to blast even more.
Send help.
(http://www.puresunless.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/latex_glove.jpg)
LMMFAO :puke
I've been in the shteinter 4 times already today and every time its the same thing. One large explosion followed by about 3 minutes of pops and whistles followed by 5 minutes of wiping and wiping and wiping and still feeling filthy
not to rub it in but my post lunchtime trip consisted of one of those really soft and cuddly baby poops....it smelled like caca
I took one earlier today and if felt like I was crapping out a milkshake.....only warmer.
This was not the correct thread to read while eating a little snack... of yogurt.
The bosses brought in pizza for lunch today...a lot of it. After about 15 minutes all the crappers were full and people were rushing to different floors to try to find an open one. Sounded like there was a lot of mud butt on my floor this afternoon. :paranoid
dude, that system flush stuff for drug tests really flushes everything out. like.. everything. wow. i feel violated.
Oh... how I wish I could have mud butt. All the ones I've been having lately (including this morning) have been Jack the Rippers. Mud butt would be a welcome relief.
Participated in our annual Whiskey Olympics last night in West Chester. Needless to say I have some wicked mud butt today.
Quote from: Sgt PSN on February 03, 2006, 03:16:24 PM
I took one earlier today and if felt like I was crapping out a milkshake.....only warmer.
.
I just got over a stomach virus and had the same problem. My arse was like a faucet.
You needed to know.
I've been eating pretty well and having less issues such as this, but last night I consumed beer, chili cheese fries, and chicken tenders with honey mustard. I woke myself up in the middle of the night with severe flatulence, and after a couple cups of coffee this morning, I really let the toilet have it: Solid two-flusher, seemingly a "soft-serve" consistency. It really got my day started off fantastically.
the day after the Super Bowl has to be a bad day at the ol' water treatment plant.
i kept laughing at stupid Pepsi's new slogan, brown and bubbly, knowing that was what was going to come from my ass today.
oh man have i got a festering case of muddius buttius
i was drinking seirra nevada out of a tap and then homemade hop devil out of a tap. then my buddy made these jimmy buffett seasoned shrimp, red beans and rice, and sausage mixed in also. then late night we downed some perogies.
Bathroom trip count today: 3
DAMN YOU JIMMY BUFFETT!
My colon-rupturing chili mixed with sushi and several different kinds of beer. I don't want to hear it from any of you.
The monday after the super bowel should be nationally known as "Mud Butt Day"
I made the mistake of eating an entire bowl of nacho dip, which included a full can of refried beans. holla.
i made the mistake of eating feces.
i pooped out wings all day
i haven't gotten mine yet for some strange reason. its a brewin. no pun intended.
Quotei made the mistake of eating feces.
i pooped out wings all day
I would eat the shtein out of your shtein.
i've been in and out all day. including one yesterday at the bar in a stall with no door.
matth --> the exhibitionist
I woke up this morning anticipating an extremely heavy and squishy case of mud butt. I lit up a smoke (which always seems to help expedite the process) and took a seat on my throne. Much to my chagrin, I didn't have mud butt at all. In fact, I didn't even shtein. Instead, I just had the single most explosive cases of ass gas I've ever experienced. It was loud and it vibrated the entire bowl. Infact, it was so powerful that the initial blast actually splashed some of the water up on to my ass. I held on to the seat because I thought I might launch myself into orbit. I've got nothing against space travel but I really don't feel like fixing a hole in my roof.
It was awesome.
It also reminded me of a poem I saw scribbled in a shteiner stall in high school:
Here I sit so broken hearted.
Tried to shtein but only farted.
That's deep man. That's deep.
yah, they call that one the houdini (sp?).
You might wanna douse that cigarette under those circumstances......
Quote from: L-ong-B-each-I-ggle on February 06, 2006, 05:39:33 PM
yah, they call that one the houdini (sp?).
You are correct. I was totally expecting a Havannah Omlet.
wow sarge, just wow. thats literary genius. brought a tear to my eye.
Nothing says class like sitting on the commode with a cig hanging out of your mouth.
Only thing missing was the can of warm Pabst.
Quote from: L-ong-B-each-I-ggle on February 06, 2006, 04:52:08 PM
i haven't gotten mine yet for some strange reason. its a brewin. no pun intended.
Almost 5:00PM? Be afraid. It's going to be like childbirth, stretching the limits of your bunghole. Be very afraid.
Quote from: FFatPatt on February 06, 2006, 05:59:47 PM
Nothing says class like sitting on the commode with a cig hanging out of your mouth.
Only thing missing was the can of warm Pabst.
This guy is my idol.
(http://www.horsepowerjunkies.com/gallery/data/500/1440toilet_redneck.jpg)
Quote from: FFatPatt on February 06, 2006, 06:09:41 PM
Quote from: Sgt PSN on February 06, 2006, 06:08:42 PM
This guy is my dad.
Right.
Easy on the dad jokes ass. I'm still trying to figure out who he is. I've got the possibilities narrowed down to the mail man, the pool boy and the yankees. I hope it's the yankees because that would make Pedro Martinez my brother. And that would be cool.
Quote from: FFatPatt on February 06, 2006, 06:09:41 PM
Quote from: Sgt PSN on February 06, 2006, 06:08:42 PM
This guy is my dad.
Right.
:-D :yay
i'm 3 hours behind you guys where i am right now qwert. i have baby wipes on standby. as well as a half pack of cigarettes. bring on the hell fire of the apocalypse.
Quote from: Sgt PSN on February 06, 2006, 06:13:05 PM
Easy on the dad jokes ass. I'm still trying to figure out who he is. I've got the possibilities narrowed down to the mail man, the pool boy and the yankees. I hope it's the yankees because that would make Pedro Martinez my brother. And that would be cool.
Your dad is probably either Billy Martin or John Ratzenberger.
Quote from: FFatPatt on February 06, 2006, 06:17:28 PM
Quote from: Sgt PSN on February 06, 2006, 06:13:05 PM
Easy on the dad jokes ass. I'm still trying to figure out who he is. I've got the possibilities narrowed down to the mail man, the pool boy and the yankees. I hope it's the yankees because that would make Pedro Martinez my brother. And that would be cool.
Your dad is probably either Billy Martin or John Ratzenberger.
In my dreams. My sweaty and sometimes sticky dreams. :paranoid
Sweaty when only about pooping, and sweaty and sticky when about pooping on hbionic's chest?
you know you're getting old when the post-game shteins last for days instead of hours. my butthole is still mad at me. you'd think my body would be used to disgusting amounts of alcohol at once by now.
Jeezus. I just got off the crapper, and had a massive dump that apparently all wanted to stick to my ass. This shtein could have been sold as crazy glue. I ate a microwaved burger for dinner, had only 2 Amstels at the bar where I played poker, then had a bowl of French Toast Crunch and a Mich Ultra Amber when I got home.
WTF gave me the mud butt?
your mom
Quote from: FFatPatt on April 06, 2006, 08:25:12 AM
Jeezus. I just got off the crapper, and had a massive dump that apparently all wanted to stick to my ass. This shtein could have been sold as crazy glue. I ate a microwaved burger for dinner, had only 2 Amstels at the bar where I played poker, then had a bowl of French Toast Crunch and a Mich Ultra Amber when I got home.
WTF gave me the mud butt?
Those things are made from what causes cattle to have the mud butt.
Well, it was actually a regular burger that I cooked in the microwave because my grill is on the fritz.
Well, nuking a burger is never a good idea. It does something on a chemical level that normally results in either mud butt or the Hershey squirts.
I should have assumed that was the variable that FUBAR'd the whole thing, but then I wouldn't have gotten to share the delightfulness of my #2 this morning with all of you. Sharing is caring.
i had a michelob ultra amber last night , not bad tasting for light beer. and the alcohol content is 5%. hello new favorite light beer.
Quote from: mussa on April 06, 2006, 11:46:19 AM
and the alcohol content is 5%
Yep. Not too shabby.
microwave burgers? so your stove is on the fritz too?
No, I just didn't feel like having to wash the grill pan afterwards. Duh.
you have a wife, don't you?
Out of town. Too much hassle/cost to mail her the pan to wash.
throw it away, buy a new one.
do i have to explain everything to you?
You talk a tough game, but you went ahead, wvssed out, and married the girl you knocked up... rather than tell her to ditch the kid, then move away and go underground so she couldn't hit you up for child support if she chose otherwise. You're not a man. You're a Hoyda.
You didn't even push her down some steps.
i lived in a rancher at the time
You didn't own wire hangers?
plastic
Steel toed boots? Duct tape? Steak knifes? Cheese graters? Football helmets? Sledge hammer? Pocket knife? Jig saw? Sleeping pills? Needle nosed pliars? WD40? Rubber gloves?
i love my daughter
atleast use the foreman grill
i dont understand how a steel pit you do nothing but put fire in can go on the fritz.
Quote from: Wingspan on April 06, 2006, 01:18:53 PM
i dont understand how a steel pit you do nothing but put fire in can go on the fritz.
I think the gas lines are clogged or there's a leak somewhere. There's plenty of gas in the tank, but the burners will only heat to ridiculously low levels, even when I turn them up to high.
gas grills are for the gays. throw some charcoal on that bitch and light it up.
Quote from: Sun_Mo on April 06, 2006, 12:50:00 PM
throw it away, buy a new one.
do i have to explain everything to you?
That made me laugh.
Quote from: Diomedes on April 06, 2006, 10:17:52 PM
That made me laugh.
That's enough rjs. Stop logging in as Dio and go and find something to make fun of.
I've had an on going case of mud butt for the last few days so I decided to visit a little mexican place for dinner today hoping that their spicy salsa, some enchiladas and a couple of Dos Equis would help cleanse my system of whatever evil fecal matter has been possessing my bowels with one final explosive release.
So.........I just got off the crapper after taking what I can only describe as the most horribly painfull dump I have ever taken. At no time between start and finish were my feet touching the floor. My o-ring feels like it's on fire and is having spasms in sync with my heartbeat. I think I may have actually killed it and rigor mortis is setting in. Regardless, I think my battle with this particular case of mud butt is over.
(http://myspace-208.vo.llnwd.net/00336/80/24/336374208_l.gif)
I ate my weekly 30 chicken wings yesterday, I had spicy chicken strips and red hot spicy chips for a snack today and I have not taken a shtein since before I ate the wings.
This should be enjoyable.
I love every time this thread makes a return. It still cracks me up.
Quote from: Sgt PSN on August 27, 2006, 12:16:38 AM
My o-ring feels like it's on fire
You should have made hbionic get tested first.
The ladyfriend bought some late-night, too drunk to make good decisions, General Tso's from the local China Hole on Wednesday night after her graduation. I ate most of it Wednesday and the rest on Thursday. Both Thursday and Friday mornings I found myself doing something I have never done... SPRINTING to the bathroom literally holding my asscheeks together with my hands. The molten fire that violently escaped me probably deserves its own thread but needless to say, the firey o-ring that Sarge experienced was also experienced by me. My condolences.
FF, way to interject a gratuitous gay joke into an otherwise successful thread. Three demerits.
Who's joking?
In other news, I took two massive soft dumps this morning that both clogged the toilet within 15 minutes.
That'll teach me to have a deep dish cookie sundae as my "dinner" next time I go to Pizzeria Uno. The buttered movie popcorn and cherry ICEE as "dessert" probably didn't help.
see the low calorie diet is coming along nicely
good job...keep it up :yay
I was never on a low calorie diet per se.
I've made 6 trips to the can today, and I'm burning through my current book in there. I'm about to make trip 7. I've tightened my belt a notch already today. I'm never eating salted pork again.
You're feeding that shtein to the :CF servers, aren't you?
I've eaten so much and drank so much wine and defecated so much over the past three days that my body keeps having false alarms that force me into the shteinter to strain and grunt and accomplish nothing. It doesn't know what to do with itself if it isn't taking a dump.
Wrong thread! (http://www.concretefield.com/forum/index.php?topic=15619.0)
Impressive work by the :CF staff.
Quote from: rjs246 on August 28, 2006, 09:42:00 AM
the firey o-ring that Sarge experienced was also experienced by me. My condolences.
Likewise.
And just an update.....my plan worked flawlessly. I've not had mud butt for 2 days now.
Me - 1, Mud Butt - 0
Public Service Announcement:
It's amazing how slight the difference in odor of Swedish meatballs coming out the back end as compared to the time of consuming them is really so much more disgusting. Because the difference really is very slight.
Things I consumed over the past 48 hours:
-2 slices of cheese pizza at the airport
-Huge, greasy-ass burger and fries
-Buffalo chicken calzone
-Bacon and eggs
-Whole small buffalo chicken pizza
-Double whopper and fries from BK
-Enormous amounts of Red Bull
-Enormous amounts of inexpensive beer and whiskey
I got up at 7 am this morning to catch a flight and had taken 3 shteins by noon. First one wasn't too bad, kind of just a preview. The second two caused the evacuation of the AirTran terminals at the Boston and Philadelphia airports, respectively, to allow chemical weapons teams to do searches of the premises. The third one also made my ass feel like Ed Norton's hand in "Fight Club" when Tyler Durden burns him with the acid. Lovely.
Sissy.
Tomorrow's going to be ugly.
Quote from: PhillyandBCEagles on September 10, 2006, 04:35:23 PM
-2 slices of cheese pizza at the airport
-Huge, greasy-ass burger and fries
-Buffalo chicken calzone
-Bacon and eggs
-Whole small buffalo chicken pizza
-Double whopper and fries from BK
-Enormous amounts of Red Bull
-Enormous amounts of inexpensive beer and whiskey
nice. thats eerily similar to my diet the last several days. except for BK, that place is disgusting. i had a bacon cheeseburger for breakfast this morning. along with a few PBRs, which for some reason I am still drinking 10 hours later.
Today's his birthday!
(http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/reebles/mulletcake.jpg)
Just looking at that cake makes me want to defecate.
Happy Birthday Mud Butt? :-D
who the hell is that?
Mud Butt. Can't you read?
that picture is unbelievably funny...but i dont know why
biz markie has a song called mudd foot
I'm surprised no one mentioned the model Z-28 the dude is holding. And on the cake, that is either a really bad drawing of a chick, or it's a dude with a mullet. Classic pic.
Quote from: PhillyPhaninDC on September 28, 2006, 01:30:01 PM
or it's a dude with a mullet
Based on the name of the pic, I'd say that's the case.
The pic on that cake looks like a redneck version of Butthead.
Quote from: Sgt PSN on September 28, 2006, 03:14:27 PM
The pic on that cake looks like a redneck version of Butthead.
It's Muddbutthead.
Thank you for launching that softball out of the park Demon. And in just under an hour too.
Quote from: FFatPatt on September 28, 2006, 12:40:48 PM
Today's his birthday!
(http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/reebles/mulletcake.jpg)
The fact that dude has a '78 Camaro model does not shock me. Not at all.
Is he Gus's son from Planes, Trains & Automobiles?
"Train don't run outta Wichita lessen you're a hog or cattle. People train run outta...Stubbville"
Quote from: Sgt PSN on September 28, 2006, 07:26:06 PM
Thank you for launching that softball out of the park Demon. And in just under an hour too.
I waited for all the supposed experts here to take a swing, but no one connected.
Someone had to bring you home from third.....
Some girls in collge baked me a cake for my birthday. It said, Congrates on your sex change. They designed a big ol vagina out of glitter, iceing and other shiny stuff. :paranoid
Quote from: Father Demon on September 29, 2006, 09:31:58 AM
Quote from: Sgt PSN on September 28, 2006, 07:26:06 PM
Thank you for launching that softball out of the park Demon. And in just under an hour too.
I waited for all the supposed experts here to take a swing, but no one connected.
Someone had to bring you home from third.....
You should play for the Phillies.
If you ever leave a couple left over mexi-melts from Taco Bell out of the fridge overnight, I highly recommend eating them. They gave me an extremely mild case of mud butt and it was over with rather quickly. However, I was on the throne for the most entertaining 6 minutes of my life. Like I said, the poo was unimpressive but the sounds that preceeded and accompanied my dookie were the most awesome combinations of whistles, growls and snaps I've ever heard. At one point my ass sounded like a bowl of Rice Krispies because the only sounds it made were snap, crackle, pop! as my poo disembarked my body through my mud nickle. I wish I would have brought a tape recorder to the stool with me.
In order to effectively recover from an atrocious hangover I piled beer and Indian food and wine into my face on Saturday. This led to me, out to dinner with some friends, loudly and drunkenly complaining about the lack of spiciness of the food, while demanding that reparations be made to my taste buds. After glaring at me for a few seconds the waiter brought out a plate of chili peppers which I rubbed on my food and then proceded to eat whole.
Suffice to say my face exploded and melted off of my head and I am now a hideously deformed freak. I guess you could call yesterday's aftermath Fiery-Stabbing-Needle-Butt, and not necessarily Mud Butt, but that might require a whole new thread and I'm not putting that kind of effort forth.
Some of us refer to that as battery acid ass
Or, as my dad would describe, digging toe-nail marks into the tile floor.
Quote from: mussa on October 02, 2006, 06:15:27 PM
Some of us refer to that as battery acid ass
I have had that for about the past week and a half. Why? I don't know.
Quote from: Drunkmasterflex on October 02, 2006, 08:32:01 PM
Quote from: mussa on October 02, 2006, 06:15:27 PM
Some of us refer to that as battery acid ass
I have had that for about the past week and a half. Why? I don't know.
Maybe it's a TOOO-ma....
Quote from: Drunkmasterflex on October 02, 2006, 08:32:01 PM
Quote from: mussa on October 02, 2006, 06:15:27 PM
Some of us refer to that as battery acid ass
I have had that for about the past week and a half. Why? I don't know.
man juice gives you the runs. Uh, so i've heard. :paranoid
Quote from: Sgt PSN on October 03, 2006, 12:14:50 PM
Quote from: Drunkmasterflex on October 02, 2006, 08:32:01 PM
Quote from: mussa on October 02, 2006, 06:15:27 PM
Some of us refer to that as battery acid ass
I have had that for about the past week and a half. Why? I don't know.
man juice gives you the runs. Uh, so i've heard. :paranoid
I love squirrel fisting.
ok.
also, not mud butt related but i feel asleep on the crapper in my hotel room earlier today. it's a great pooper that is sitting at the perfect height for me. i dozed off for a good 15-20 minutes today and when i awoke i still had all the feeling in my legs.
damn did it smell that bad that it knocked you out?
how the hell do you fall asleep on the shteinter?
I did it back in college when I was drunk out of my mind. Wonderful case of the runs that night.
I came to after about an hour or so and went to bed without even wiping my ass. :paranoid
As long as we're relaying these kinds of stories...
I came home from a 'Caps Party' (don't know if any of you guys played caps in college, but it's a pretty stupid game that involves nothing but throwing bottle caps into a cup and chugging beer) too drunk to find my apartment. So I went into the neighbor's apartment (who luckily I knew) and took a 4am dump in their bathroom. I then passed out and fell off the shteinter. I was woken up at about 7am to one of the girls who lived there (yes I took a huge drunken shtein in a girl's apartment) slamming the bathroom door against my head as she tried to get into the bathroom.
Then this weekend I pulled a similar stunt, semi-blacking out on Friday night and waking up ass naked on the floor of my bathroom after falling off of the shteinter again.
Booze.
man you guy are lightweights, i always manage to hit the couch or bed before passing out.
Quote from: mussa on October 03, 2006, 10:26:38 PM
damn did it smell that bad that it knocked you out?
how the hell do you fall asleep on the shteinter?
People do it all the time in Basic Training.
I usually piss my pants, I have never passed out on the crapper. Though I did get caught with my pants down when I was passed out. Apparently I passed out when I was pounding one out.
One night last summer I killed about 2/3 of a case of Killian's. Woke up on the shteinter at 4 am, with my pants around my ankles and a half-taken shtein in the toilet. Finished shteinting, wiped, and went to bed.
wow.
i think sunday just caught up with my body.
I am visiting Philly for a few days. Last night, after going out, I had two Geno's steaks with Whiz and whiz fries. I also forgot how unbelievably hot Geno's hot sauce is and lathered on of the steaks with it. I couldn't even finish it. Anyway, had the first half this morning. The second half of the duke is fermenting inside my body right now, like an evil, spicy poop baby demon. It is going to rough, and I'm sure will want to come out and the worst possible time.
Outright gluttony, Philly style. You should be farging proud, methdeez. Nice work.
Tailgate Breakfast:
2 McDonald's sausage, egg and cheese biscuts, 1 hashbrown followed by 3 hours of drinking.
rjs and I were discussing my dietary selection for the day and how I would likely be posting in this thread again. Good call. :yay
And just to add fuel to the fire, I ate a couple hot dogs inside the stadium.
Around 9pm and about 50 miles into Virginia I felt it starting to boil in my stomach like a valcano on the verge of erupting. I pulled into a rest area and the doors to the bathrooms were farging locked. I had no clue how far it was to the next exit but I knew that I probably wouldn't make it that far. So I grabbed a roll of paper towels out of the car and headed into the woods.
I leaned up against a tree and just let it go. I wouldn't be surprised if that tree is already starting to decay.
I've been to that rest area many times. It's safe to say I won't be back for a while.
Had a Michelob variety pack. Pretty good stuff but the wheat beer always gets me.
Quote from: Philly_Crew on November 13, 2006, 08:22:32 AM
Had a Michelob variety pack. Pretty good stuff but the wheat beer always gets me.
Great story.
Michelob has a variety pack? Now thats funny!
I am disturbed by the solidity of my children considering my behavior this weekend. I feel like my body is hiding all of the real shtein until an inopportune time when I will be forced to sprint to the nearest fast food place while holding my ass cheeks together.
I drank Yuengling Lager drafts on Saturday. About 15 of them.
My ass has finally stopped screaming in agony today.
BTW: If two Immodium's don't stop the squirts, stop drinking immediately and give your body a rest. Learned that lesson in Tampa a few weeks ago.
:-\
Mud butt of epic proportions last night after copious amounts of Dos Equis and mexican food Sunday. It was bad...
This could have gone in the youtube thread but I thought this thread was much more appropriate.
http://one.revver.com/watch/95332/format/flv/affiliate/184
i saw that someplace else. that can't be real.
Quote from: mussa on November 14, 2006, 06:21:34 PM
i saw that someplace else. that can't be real.
Party pooper.
I ate a dozen or so chicken wings tonight and I am already paying the price.
Well, it's not really mud butt but who cares.
Worst gas pains ever. If I wasnt in world class athletic shape I'd think that I was having a heart attack.
I just sprayed my morning droppings all over the inside of the toilet. When I stood up I notice that there was some around the rim of the bowl as though it had left me at a 90 degree angle. Not sure how I managed that, but it seems like a unique talent.
Probably ricochet.
Shut up! I'm special dammit!
What, you've got an extra icehole that moves around and sprays the rest of the bowl?
Let's hope.
Quote from: rjs246 on January 15, 2007, 08:42:09 AM
I just sprayed my morning droppings all over the inside of the toilet. When I stood up I notice that.......
At this point I was thinking you had painted the likeness of the baby Jesus or Elvis on the inside of the bowl. Had you managed that, then you'd be special. Instead, it just means you've potentially got a developing case of roast beef curtains.
My hemorrhoids have been getting a little beefy lately.
new toilet washes your ass for you (http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/kohler-c3-series-toilet-seats-offer-handsfree-buttwashing-american-style-236933.php)
rich people are idiots
But apparently they have clean asses.
They do now!
they've had those camodes in japan for years
I have done nothing but urinate from my icehole for the last 4 days. One of the great joys of parenthood.
Quote from: MadMarchHare on February 15, 2007, 07:30:46 PM
I have done nothing but urinate from my icehole for the last 4 days. One of the great joys of parenthood.
What does 4 days of ass water have to do with parenthood? Did you eat one of your young?
they're little germ factories. they make you sick and worried and stupid. they make you have to deal with their friends' parents.
kids are hell
There are perks. But their unique ability to carry every plague from school home is not one of them.
the only perk I can think of is that if you're unlucky enough to grow old, and you're lucky enough to have decent children that don't die before you, you won't rot away alone.
but we're all alone ultimately, so that's small consideration
being sick all the farging time sounds and looks like utter hell
Damn, did I just put a hurtin' on the toilet here at the J-O-B.
This one had been pretty much bubbling and marinating all day, giving me ample opportunities to fart all over the place, especially right next to the people I can't stand and then walk away. I got to the toilet and it started with more farting, but then we got some soft solid substance that felt heavenly passing through the "one-way" highway. After a while... it got to be some ol' Lou Ferrigno shtein because it turned a real nice Incredible Hulk green.
Glorious time had by all and I feel about 7 1/2 lbs lighter.
It was a double flusher and I still couldn't get it all down the hole. Ah well... at least the GM has a nice surprise waiting for him when he goes in there tomorrow.
Quote from: Diomedes on February 15, 2007, 09:05:15 PM
the only perk I can think of is that if you're unlucky enough to grow old, and you're lucky enough to have decent children that don't die before you, you won't rot away alone.
but we're all alone ultimately, so that's small consideration
being sick all the farging time sounds and looks like utter hell
PERK: I can have a super zesty day, (like last Friday), and I can go pick up my kids (4 and 2) at school. The minute they see me they both break into huge smiles and come running and give me a hug. And the rest of my day doesn't really matter any more. With a zesty marriage, that means a lot.
My dog provides the same joy, every day.
ive had mud butt for like weeks.
I've already blown an o-ring this morning, and there's more to come.
I don't know exactly how much I drank, but my wallet's about $100 lighter, and all I had was Guinness, car bombs, and Jager, and chili cheese fries.
My intestines and ass officially and rightfully hate me.
I drank way too much Guinness last night, woke up and there was a black block of shtein sitting in the toilet. I'm nursing the mother of all hangovers this morning.
I made the mistake of getting extra hot boneless wings last night. MudButt plus burning
I went with a 24-oz steak last night and had the requisite pints of Guiness. Wrapped that up with a a bunch of Starbucks in the morning. End result: mud butt.
Had a dream last night that I had a take dump so I was dreaming I was at a restroom going #2...then I wake up and I laid this loud ass fart. Then I fell back asleep and I had to take another dump. I soon woke up and I had to go, so I went and it felt good.
My whole life I had never dreamt of taking a crap and then waking up ready to go. I've dream I needed to pee really bad and woke up and drained it, but never, ever had I dream of going poop and then waking up to do it. Strange.
I've been up ever since.
so was it mud butt or a regular terd? otherwise you just posted in the mud butt thread. BAN/AIDS
Just took my first shtein since Thursday. perc's are farging up my pooping schedule
Holy shtein. The very thought of going four days between shteins makes me really nervous.
did you give yourself an episiotomy so your cornhole didn't rip itself into a jigsaw puzzle piece?
i have no idea what the farg an episotomy is, but i did eat tons of jalepeno's and hot wings that took care fo the problem, and produced said mud butt
You would know what an episiotomy was if you'd ever had one, woman. It's the difference between a paper cut and a prying/tearing of the flesh.
Episiotomy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episiotomy) - More like cutting your finger off because a paper cut would hurt too much.
Paper cuts farging freak me out. I'd rather break a finger.
Quote from: rjs246 on January 14, 2008, 11:07:20 AM
Holy shtein. The very thought of going four days between shteins makes me really nervous.
why cause the thought of that much pleasure coming from your icehole might confirm your teh gayness?
my teh gayness?
yes, like teh aids, teh, teh! intentional mispelling of THE
I was talking about your ignorant inability to conjugate verbs, but if you want to pretend like your grammatical errors are intentional, that's fine.
Every time this thread resurfaces, I re-read the whole thing. And it still makes me laugh uncontrollably.
I don't think I've had a quality case of mudd butt in over a month. Should I be worried?
Quote from: MadMarchHare on January 14, 2008, 07:00:34 PM
Every time this thread resurfaces, I re-read the whole thing. And it still makes me laugh uncontrollably.
I just reread it all today. It's funny seeing the multi-month gaps in posts followed by everyone sharing their most awful fecal experiences.
Speaking of awful fecal experiences, I think I'll share my most glorious fecal experience.
I upper-decked the worst bar in new york one night with the most perfect floating tube steak ever. Three good sized logs, nice and fluffy and floating at the top of the upper deck, guaranteeing that it would take several dozen flushes for them to be washed away.
That was 8 years ago. And it was the pinnacle of my life.
Quote from: rjs246 on January 14, 2008, 05:19:24 PM
I was talking about your ignorant inability to conjugate verbs, but if you want to pretend like your grammatical errors are intentional, that's fine.
teh gayness was intentional, whatever other grammatical errors i made were not. sorry for ruining your internet browsing experience
btw - anyone have a good story about shteinting your pants? ha i got one...
i was super drunk at a bar one night a few years ago, actually it was the BCS game, can't remember who was playin, but that doesn't matter. what matters is i was wasted and pretty much one of the last people in the bar. my girl was coming to pick me up and i went to fart and shat alittle in my pants. not embarassed i walked into the bathroom and checked out the " situation". well lets just say the situation wasn't good, so i preceded to undress in the stall and throw my soiled boxers in the corner of the stall. took a dump, cleaned my shtein as much as i could, went back out to the bar drank another beer and then my girl came. got back to my place and took a shower and giggled myself to sleep
i laugh everytime i walk into that bar...thinking about what sucker had to clean the shteinter that night. haha
:paranoid
I did essentially the same thing in a bar in Belgrade
But in Belgrade it was probably an outhouse, so what's the difference.
My body is messed up at the moment. I haven't had a solid one in at least a week and a half. Yesterday I was at Planet Hollywood in Vegas, and I told my woman I had to go to the bathroom. Come back, and two minutes later I'm like, I have to go to the bathroom again. She's like, again? I say yes, first was just a pee, it must have shook something up. Then it hits me so hard I have to do the penguin walk to the bathroom. Once I open the stall door I don't even have time to undo my belt, I put my drink down, pull down the back of my pants and let it rip at almost the exact same moment. I don't sit on public toilets so I hit the back of the toilet some but most went in. As far as I know somehow I walked away clean. Although I left my drink in there, because I'm pretty sure it got sprayed, which sucked hard, because it was a brand new tanqueray and tonic.
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
damnit i was laughin hard then the damn dog just walked over to me and farted something fierce, stinky basterd
Two days without alcohol and I'm shteinting treebark. Chunky, splintery treebark.
I've had nothing but mud butt since eating that slop from pizza hut a few days ago. It's really annoying though because it's not exciting mud butt. It's boring, almost oderless and non-explosive. I feel so ashamed.
i've had two dumps in two days where i wiped and there was nothing there. i think i may be starting to have superpowers.
Can you vouch for the quality of your superpowers?
Quote from: rjs246 on January 22, 2008, 12:06:58 PM
Two days without alcohol
When was the last time this happened? 1992?
yeah.. the spicy baconator.
seriously.. just fargin say no.
That's really shocking.
Quote from: rjs246 on July 18, 2008, 03:09:24 PM
I just had caffeine for the first time in about 3 weeks and I can literally hear the poop screaming to get out of my ass.
Literally.
I bet it would have sounded like a Banshee if they were real.
Nice of Peter King to write about his mud-butt in his MMQB column:
QuoteOne other note from the road:
Changing planes at DFW on Sunday, I used the men's room near one of the American gates. I walked into one of the toilet stalls with the automatic flushers.
WHOOOOOSH. I closed the door to the stall and sat down.
Three more times I heard the same WHOOOOOSH as I sat there and minded my own business.
Of course, no flush when I get up and leave the stall. Gotta love technology.
Quote from: PhillyPhreak54 on April 27, 2009, 01:38:28 PM
Nice of Peter King to write about his mud-butt in his MMQB column:
QuoteOne other note from the road:
Changing planes at DFW on Sunday, I used the men's room near one of the American gates. I walked into one of the toilet stalls with the automatic flushers.
WHOOOOOSH. I closed the door to the stall and sat down.
Three more times I heard the same WHOOOOOSH as I sat there and minded my own business.
Of course, no flush when I get up and leave the stall. Gotta love technology.
QuoteTo recap, SI pro football writing legend Paul Zimmerman suffered three strokes in late November and is currently unable to read, write or speak coherently. We're trying to jump-start his therapy and road back to writing one day, hopefully, by raising money to allow him to undergo some aggressive therapy in Michigan and New Jersey.
HA HA
I think he had a few strokes before he stopped writing.
Ive had mud butt for days. All I can blame it on is the economy
Made ground beef tacos last night. Put fresh home grown Jalepenos and tons of tabasco in the ground beef when i was cooking it up. My ass is a slimey mess
http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/R2Dn0hs-CM8
god bless the internet.
A+
I just finished taking a 20 minute dump.
It was one of those rare dumps. All solid, I had three loads with each getting incrementally smaller (of course I flushed each time), and it came out with little to no effort (some may say due to the gaping hole I call my anus). I feel great. Got half way through an article in Cosmo about some bitch with no tits and ended up getting a boob job, and bonus...I used minimal toilet paper to wipe. Oh...and my lower legs started to fall asleep.
It was a memorable one.
This thread is my legacy.
(http://208.106.250.72/_media/imgs/articles2/a97144_g096_6-load.jpg)
So I'm driving down the Roosevelt Boulevard 5 AM Thursday morning to start the first day of my internship, when the hot sauce that morning and the day before start making my intestines flair. I squeezed like hell but that shtein was coming out. With sweat dripping from my forehead I stop off in the ghetto (Hunting Park) to find a gas station to unload my misery. First guy says they don't have a bathroom, I offer him all the money I had (a Fiver) and he still denies me. I then make my way to the other side of the street where a nice man from the India region of the world lets me use his bathroom. What came out was the most vile thing I ever saw. Bunch of broken up shtein floating with what looked like hot sauce and oil. Needless to say I'm laying off the hot stuff for a while.
I had bubble guts something fierce this morning and literally sprinted out of a meeting to hit the bathroom. it was one of those where it started coming out mid air between pulling my pants and getting my ass to the toilet. made it ok, but it could have been a disaster.
I'm sure I speak for all of us...but I'm glad you're ok.
*Check for shtein-dots from the splash that may have landed on your pants and/or shirt from the force of the expulsion. If you find any, you may have to burn your clothes.
Chuggie does not speak for me. I'm upset that you made it just in time.
sounds like somebody got Michael Buble'd
I have some kind of stomach/intesitnal problem that often leads me to the shteinter three or four times a day, spewing foamy, slippery, chunky poo water. It often hits me 20 minutes or so after lunch, which is not good on a roof. (Yes, roofs need ditches too). It's an urgent need to expel, expunge, get that shtein OUT.
Long ago I figured out that drinking coffee all day long makes matter MUCH worse. So I have one or two cups first thing in the morning and no more. But it's not just the coffee. Roast beef sandwich today, ASSPLOSION half hour later. Roast beef sandwich last week, all is fine at the Southern Pass.
If I go to a doctor, s/he will tell me to drink less, which is ludicrous and might make me so goddamned angry that I start smoking again.
Quote from: Diomedes on September 22, 2010, 05:23:57 PM
I have some kind of stomach/intesitnal problem that often leads me to the shteinter three or four times a day, spewing foamy, slippery, chunky poo water. It often hits me 20 minutes or so after lunch, which is not good on a roof. (Yes, roofs need ditches too). It's an urgent need to expel, expunge, get that shtein OUT.
Long ago I figured out that drinking coffee all day long makes matter MUCH worse. So I have one or two cups first thing in the morning and no more. But it's not just the coffee. Roast beef sandwich today, ASSPLOSION half hour later. Roast beef sandwich last week, all is fine at the Southern Pass.
If I go to a doctor, s/he will tell me to drink less, which is ludicrous and might make me so goddamned angry that I start smoking again.
Thats awesome!
I assume you mean, it's awesome that I am uncomfortable and in constant danger of shteinting myself?
Colonoscopy. It's time.
is that where they take it out, sew the anal pore shut for good, and give you a handy bag on the side?
sounds promising.
Sorry, this is just when they shove a camera up your ass and survey the situation for polyps and tumors.
You're thinking of colostomy.
Quote from: FastFreddie on September 22, 2010, 07:12:21 PM
Sorry, this is just when they shove a camera up your ass and survey the situation for polyps and tumors.
Basically, a poop-cam.
Quote from: Diomedes on September 22, 2010, 05:49:01 PM
I assume you mean, it's awesome that I am uncomfortable and in constant danger of shteinting myself?
When is that not awesome?
When it's me.
False.
seckund
It may be awesome for you losers when I shtein myself, but it's not awesome for me.
Losers.
I find it funny when anonymous people on the internet shtein themselves.
Isn't that the entire point of the internet?
Pretty much.
Glad we could help.
But get a scope, find out if it's colitis or chrons or diverticulitis and get the right meds and change your lifestyle and you wont run screaming from the roof shteinting yourself.
Although if it's colitis, thats pretty nasty and you'll eventually either need your entire colon removed voluntarily be shteinting blood after every meal that isn't 100% oatmeal.
No way I go to a doctor for this. No blood, no doctor.
Seriously doctors suck. Cops listen to you better than doctors.
Let us know what the cop says once he sticks his camera up your butt.
on a serious note... not pooping right for a prolonged period of time is really the one of the first signs of something being really wrong... it doesn't get better on its own.
Quote from: hbionic on September 23, 2010, 02:27:47 AM
Quote from: FastFreddie on September 22, 2010, 07:12:21 PM
Sorry, this is just when they shove a camera up your ass and survey the situation for polyps and tumors.
Basically, a poop-cam.
or in fred's case, foreplay.
Quote from: charlie on September 23, 2010, 01:44:42 PMon a serious note... not pooping right for a prolonged period of time is really the one of the first signs of something being really wrong... it doesn't get better on its own.
Sure, I get that. But that's not my situation. It comes and goes. I'm quite regular most of the time. Stress, diet, I don't know what causes it.
But I'm not kidding about doctors. They suck, I avoid them as much as I avoid cops. I haven't seen a doctor who acted like a civilized human being in probably fifteen years. Robotic money makers, all of them. They give you ten minutes face time to talk about all your worries and questions, and ignore you for 9 of those minutes while they type into a computer. Then they tell you drink less alcohol.
Dicks.
My doctor is great, and she's hot. Get a better doctor.
Four doctors in a row in two states have all been the same. No time, no listening, no humanity, no understanding. Robots. Who has time to keep shopping? I have errands to run, pants to disinfect.
My ass is great today, btw. Nice event this morning, rock solid since.
yeah my doc is awesome. epic really as far as docs go. bedside manner 2nd to none and he follows up with you if something serious is going on instead of just handing you off to a specialist.
Quote from: Diomedes on September 23, 2010, 02:34:33 PM
My ass is great today, btw. Nice event this morning, rock solid since.
so is that like partly sunny or partly cloudy ?
Quote from: smeags on September 23, 2010, 02:38:12 PM
yeah my doc is awesome. epic really as far as docs go. bedside manner 2nd to none and he follows up with you if something serious is going on instead of just handing you off to a specialist.
Fantastic. Last time I saw mine, he says to me "who is your primary doctor?"
Damn, just had a bud crap, had to clean the bottom of the seat, looked like it had freckles.
Sometimes when I poop, I like to hack a loogie on any logs that float to the top just before I flush them down...just to show them who's boss.
I stopped drinking coffee altogether about a month ago and I haven't had a single assplosion since.
moral of the story: coffee causes assplosion
Quote from: hbionic on August 18, 2011, 03:52:31 PM
Sometimes when I poop, I like to hack a loogie on any logs that float to the top just before I flush them down...just to show them who's boss.
:-D
Quote from: Diomedes on August 18, 2011, 03:54:58 PM
I stopped drinking coffee altogether about a month ago and I haven't had a single assplosion since.
moral of the story: coffee causes assplosion
I don't drink coffee. Could there be another cause?
This is a trick question and I won't fall for it.
Caffeine, dairy, loose ass syndrome...
mussa makum sensum
no caffiene
no half and half
no assplosion after lunch
happy ditch digger
While letting the dog out this morning I decided to take a leak in my basement bathroom, which is never used. I flip on the light and see something turd-like floating in the toilet. As I'm trying to remember if I took a drunken shtein down there at any time over the past few days, I notice that the turd has fur and a tail. This didn't completely rule out that possibility that I had taken a drunken shtein and forgotten to flush, but it did at least have me worried about my diet and intestinal health. Briefly.
Naturally, it was a dead squirrel. A dead, adolescent poop squirrel.
How in the hell does that happen?
Sounds like you drove to Philly, found the barking squirrel that was harassing SD and ate one of it's young.
Quote from: rjs246 on October 26, 2011, 11:19:04 AM
While letting the dog out this morning I decided to take a leak in my basement bathroom, which is never used. I flip on the light and see something turd-like floating in the toilet. As I'm trying to remember if I took a drunken shtein down there at any time over the past few days, I notice that the turd has fur and a tail. This didn't completely rule out that possibility that I had taken a drunken shtein and forgotten to flush, but it did at least have me worried about my diet and intestinal health. Briefly.
Naturally, it was a dead squirrel. A dead, adolescent poop squirrel.
How in the hell does that happen?
By not chewing your food properly?
7 billion people will poop on Halloween (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45035927/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/billion-people-world-has-poop-problem/?fb_ref=.TqhKurYaY5q.like&fb_source=home_multiline#.TqhgQpviEXn)
Send it all to Japan, where they've found a way to turn it into food again. And also porn.
Quote from: General_Failure on October 26, 2011, 04:33:05 PM
Send it all to Japan, where they've found a way to turn it into food again. And also porn.
Quote from: Sgt PSN on October 26, 2011, 03:57:58 PM
2 girls, 7 billion cups. (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45035927/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/billion-people-world-has-poop-problem/?fb_ref=.TqhKurYaY5q.like&fb_source=home_multiline#.TqhgQpviEXn)
i had the opposite of mud butt today. it was like pushing a hard baseball through a garden hose. if i wasn't at work i would have screamed.
I've been through that recently too, and it is the main reason why I wont listen to chicks bitch about having to go through childbirth. I'm sure its the same thing.
I had that two weeks ago. I looked at and it was two different colors. It hurt so bad that I must have pinched it so hard that it looked like a brown penis with a green head on it. I was raped on the way out. That farger scraped my insides clean.
.
I took a crappy dump two days ago...and the heat on this shtein...I have never had shtein so hot come out....it felt like it had been baking inside of me for weeks...and it came out feeling 200 degrees...I think I my anus got a 3rd degree burn...it's all brown now.
Hottest shtein ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life (or since I was a baby).
Ate some ballpark hot dogs on the 4th...been fighting a stomach ache and fever since.
Good thing I was sitting next to the bathroom when this happened.
I've had a fever for two nights straight....am I dying? Fever and diarrhea....farg me.
If I diarrhea the meal I just had within a few hours....I might have to take some medicine. Fever appears to have died down...but I haven't shat water like that in a very long time.
*Bottom line, I don't think its Malaria.
AIDS. You have AIDS, son.
im leaning ebola
Semen is a stool softener. The more you ingest, the softer your shtein gets. Do the math.
I sharted for the first time at work today. I threw the underwear in the garbage can.
i always thought the term swamp ass was better.
Swamp ass is different.
Very. Also this thread was started ten years ago. 9 year olds at the time are posing in playboy. Facts.
That's way too young for Playboy!
yeah it is different, mud butt is actually better i guess. it just happens compared to swamp ass which indicates a lack of toilet paper etiquette.
btw - quick poll on TP usage.
fold, ball up or combo ? i prefer the combo myself.
you care.
I have to shtein in the woods at work regularly, because the rich clients dont' make bathrooms available to the workmen. I carry my own tp, and a shovel, for the purpose.
shtein in their retarded ceramic egg barbecue and make sure you eat three meals at Taco Bell before you do.
Has anyone ever had an E.Coli infection? Sure l don't have it but have had some nasty stuff going on inside my intestines since eating some store bought spinach yesterday. I heard it starts with regular mud butt...then bloody mud butt. Not blood yet.
I've had some really bad shteins where I thought I was dying. Nothing compares to what I went through the past 24 hours. There's a Primos next door to the place I buy my beer from. I got the Italian Diablo. No lie I've taken 10 shteins and I can already feel another one brewing. The last one I thought I was going to pass out. my icehole feels worse than sarges when he was in the marines
A sailor making homosexual jokes about Marines, that's rich.
I am still shteinting paste from drinking draft beer at my buddy's pub two weeks ago. My guts haven't been right since. Clean your Miller Lite taps, ass.
My icehole is flowing like a bathtub faucet with a broken handle. You could put a fine mesh screen under my ass and it wouldn't catch a farging thing. But I actually feel perfectly fine. Weird, right?
is it weird that I smile evreytime I see this thread pop up ?
:paranoid
Worth resurrecting this classic thread for?
https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1195090437440253961
For most of my adult life I've suffered from occasional bouts of what I can only call Rejection. Generally, I awake after a few hours sleep, bloated, sweating, and possessed by the dread that precedes certain vomiting. I alternate between shteinting and puking until there's nothing at all left in me, and go back to bed. When I get up, I'm fine. Appetite is fine, don't have trouble holding anything down, don't immediately shtein it out. Very discrete episodes, but awful. I've been unable to pin down why it happens. Generally, I associate the events with overeating, and/or going to bed soon after eating. A few months ago I suffered an attack in very close proximity to ingesting a heavy load of sugar (sno cones with the kids), and decided to try cutting sugar. From that point on, I stopped sugaring my coffee, gave up gatorade lemonade, etc., all cookies cakes and sugary snacks. I'm not fanatic about it; have enjoyed an after dinner desert on three special occasions in these two or three months since, but have otherwise taken zero sugar, instead of my usual lots of sugar.
The upshot has been that I've suffered an episode only once in that span. Also, I'm now wearing the same size pants I did in high school.
I haven't solved the problem, but I made it a lot better. I highly recommend cutting as much refined sugar as possible from your diet. I think the people who call it poison are more right than I've given them credit before.
They are more correct for sure. I'd argue sugar is worse for you than fat and maybe even processed food