Random Bitching Monologues

[SunMo]

i usually clean any public toilet seat i use...with my tonuge.  that way, i know what i'm sitting in.

[hbionic]

You like sittin on stamps?

[Diomedes]

When I bitched about this to my old lady, she told me to hover.  Hover?!  Are you farging kidding me??

[Diomedes]

You like sittin on stamps?

F

[hbionic]

Dog Balls?

[Tomahawk]

When I bitched about this to my old lady, she told me to hover.  Hover?!  Are you farging kidding me??

That's an art form that evolution forced the ladies to learn long ago. Men can not be expected to do such things.

[hbionic]

Hover is the equivalent of 'get over it' said by many a female. That is in my top 5 list of things I hate.

[rjs246]

Anyone who suggests that I hover while blasting my fecal babies clearly has no idea what goes into taking a proper dump.

[General_Failure]

When I was working at the IRS, I would only take a crap after the bathrooms were cleaned. They get cleaned the same time every night, so I had a consistent pooping schedule with no chance of urine soaking my ass... you know, unless something splashed really hard.

[Feva]

At my job... our GM has his own bathroom and 9 times out of 10, when I have to drop bombs... it's after he's already left for the day... so I just go in there.  It's kind of a "pick your poison" because he's a fat farger... but at least he's the only one that uses it and not the whole damn building.

[Geowhizzer]

We have a unisex bathroom that I share with three other teachers.  It's never a problem there for me. 

You can probably imagine what the boys bathroom looks like from time to time.

[Diomedes]

I remember having "how far away from the urinal can you stand and still make it" contests in elementary school. 

Which makes me think, perhaps janitors should be given carte blanche to molest kids all they like.

[Tomahawk]

So a couple of weeks ago, I'm at my Christmas party in which my company got each employee a room at the Sheraton for Friday and Saturday night. This part , and the free booze, was cool. What wasn't cool is some girl with whom I work telling some girl I was working on that I'm a "man-whore." Why the farg would you tell somebody you've never met before that some guy you barely know is a man-whore? Free drinks or not, there's no reason to talk that kind of shtein.

[Zanshin]

Sounds like a successful cockblocking strategy.

[Feva]

With your company setting you up with booze and a bed like that... who the hell could blame you?  Can they make it any easier to farg your co-workers?


Btw... that would get me in trouble.  Like "grounds for divorce" trouble.  I work with too many fine motherfargers for that.