Grouphug

[MDS]

I drive around endlessly with my cork out. Gives me a charge when girls catch a glimpse of it. It's pretty illegal shtein, I cud do time. Scary. Lose the job, family, house ... guess that's why I do it. Oh, that and my crap nonexistent married sex life.

[rjs246]

When I think I am done wiping my ass after taking a crap, I always rub my pointer finger across my icehole firmly and then put it in my mouth to confirm that the job is complete. I do wash my hands afterwards though, so I guess its not that weird.

I just threw up.  A lot.

[MDS]

When im in bed at night.. i slide my hand down my stomach, slip it into my panties.. and start to finger my Hoyda.. all i need right now is a farg... not 'love making'..or 'sex' I just want a guy to use me and abuse me.. maybe even rape me.. though it wouldn't be rape.. because i'd want it... I'm masterbating right now..

[Yeti]

when i was younger i would play doctor with my best friend. at the time nothing seemed wrong about it and even one time his dog walked in on us inspecting each other. it was so awkward. everytime i go to that house, the dog looks at me weird.

[rjs246]

I tentacle rape schoolgirls. I know I shouldn't, but I was drawn in by all the tentacle rape porn you find on every other channel on TV.

[rjs246]

I always invite my nieghbor over to watch TV and then ask her to give me hand jobs. The problem is she is an amputee and kinda retarded, thats why she always falls for my trick. Like yesterday I was showing her naked pictures of The Fall Guy, then I asked her if she wanted to thumb wrestle. She didnt think that was funny, so I apologized, then asked for a handjob. She didnt think that was funny either and started to cry, so I tackled her while she was trying to run out of my house, and i dry humped her leg until I nutted in my underwear.

Sometimes I feel bad, but then I remember shes retarded, so I guess it doesnt really count.

I cant wait until tomorrow Im going to show her my X- rated Jason Bateman collection

I love Star Trek. Every time when I'm taking a dump, I say "Engage!" And pretend that I'm actually taking a dump on the holodeck.

[Sgt PSN]

I foundmyself masturbating to the text of people's confessions..
Wonder if I can become a priest, I'd really like that

ha!

I cannot wipe my ass with toilet paper. I must use pre-moistened wipes. If none are available, I will resort to using wet paper towels and throwing them in the trash can.


I do not like the idea of smearing shtein all over my ass.

Russell? 

[rjs246]

No! I smear and THEN baby-wipe. There's a process to follow here, people!

[phattymatty]

that's my process also, but i've been out of toilet paper for about 4-5 days and have been using baby wipes only.  i might stick with this.

[rjs246]

I've done that before but it makes my ass cheeks all slick and it feels a little, um, gay.

[rjs246]

I know this girl who was just hit by a van. She hurt herself badly, but for some reason, I cant stop laughing about it. I feel bad, but i just cant stop farging laughing at the thought of someone getting hit by a car.

there was one time when i was siting on the toilet when i craped up a bird then i saw it closer it was my pet bird i was drunk at the time.

[rjs246]

i really cant stand it when people write "i would of..."
its "would have" you stupid iceholes.

I honestly love these people that 'confess' that they hate people with no discernible knowledge of their own language. I can relate and it makes me laugh.
   

I have sex with co-worker

Speaking of.
   

What is up with these asians and their nail salons?

Hahahahahaha

[rjs246]

Normally, the sex ones bore me. Well, they don't really 'bore' me but they don't make me laugh. These did.

I've had sex with a deer.

The first time I ever gave an Actual handjob I sprained my wrist.

Last night i stuck my finger up my ass.

I fantasize about shooting my semen over the moon

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

Didn't phatty once pee over the moon?

[rjs246]

God help me, my wife is a screaming nightmare.

I did this to myself. This is now my life.

This made me laugh. Sucker.