Joke thread

[Sgt PSN]

A very prim and proper lady had found a lost dog and was advertising for the owner in the classifieds.  Being concerned and protective, she indicated that she would need verification that it was the dog in question from any responders.  The first call she received went like this:

I think you found my dog.
Well, how do I know that it is your dog?  (suspiciously asked in an uptight proper voice)
Just yell out 'Peanut butter in the crotch!'
Pardon?
Yell out, 'Peanut Butter in the crotch!'
(Quiet subdued voice) 'Peanut butter in the crotch.'
NO, you have to yell it!
(Little louder) 'Peanut butter in the crotch.'
NO,  bitch!, you have to YELL it!
(Yelling)..."PEANUT BUTTER IN THE CROTCH!"
Did the dog come running?
No.
That ain't my dog. 

[lurking wierdo]

An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back! , and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares.

[hbionic]

  I love black people jokes!

[Rome]

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?



Udder destruction.

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

What do you call a baby monkey?





A chimp off the old block.

[Rome]

A man is walking along the beach admiring the view when he comes across a bottle laying in the sand.  He picks it up, notices it's empty but has a cork in it.  He pulls the cork out, and POOF, out comes the Genie.

The Genie says, Okay, sir... you know the drill, I've been trapped in this bottle for a thousand years, blah, blah, blah, you get one wish so make it a good one.

The man thinks for a second and says, Okay, here's what I want.  I'm terrified of the water and I'm also terrified of flying in an airplane, but I've always wanted to see Hawaii.  So what I'd like is for you to build a bridge from California all the way to Hawaii so I can get there without having to fly or get on a ship.

The Genie thinks for a second, and says, Are you crazy?  Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to build a bridge that is several thousand miles long?  Do you know the engineering involved in such a proposition?  It would be an almost impossible task!  Please choose any other wish.  I promise, no matter what it is, I'll grant it to you.

The man thinks for a second and says, Okay, how about this.  Write me a book in precise detail the list of all the reasons women do the insane things they do.

The Genie replies, That bridge... you want it to be two lanes or four lanes?

[Sgt PSN]

Yeah, building 3000 mile long bridges is easier to do than understanding women.  We get it.  I guess all of our female members will get a good laugh at this one though. 

[Rome]

At least SD will think it's funny.  And probably Russell.  Definitely not Chuggie, though.

[Sgt PSN]

He (SD) won't.  He doesn't find anything about women to be funny at all....unless they are suffering. 

[rjs246]

I rarely find jokes to be funny. This one was no exception.

[MDS]

seriously how lame is rome

[Sgt PSN]

When he isn't posting puns he's pretty awful. 

[General_Failure]

MDS awful or Yeti awful?

[Eagaholic]

I rarely find jokes to be funny. This one was no exception.

Then why are you reading the joke thread?