Joke thread

[Tomahawk]

Since I'd rather post stupid jokes than work, here's another......

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts, and the shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

[RomeyRome]

Since I'd rather post stupid jokes than work, here's another......

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts, and the shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

[Tomahawk]

I love stupid jokes....

A man walks into doctor's office."What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.

"It's... um...well... I have five penises," replies the man.

"Good grief!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

[Sgt PSN]

Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience.

It bothered him so much that he decided that he just had to tell his priest about it in confession.

The priest was shocked and could only say to Farmer Brown, "Well, was the pig a male or a female?"

"A female, of course," shouted Farmer Brown!. "What do you think I am... some sort of queer!"

[Sgt PSN]

I heard that men in Texas recently discovered a new use for sheep.

Wool.

[General_Failure]

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight

[Tomahawk]

Sarge, you're making me post more stupidity (than normal)....

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

[Sgt PSN]

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.

Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."

[Sgt PSN]

Sarge, you're making me post more stupidity (than normal)....

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

 That is the dumbest joke I've ever heard.  

[Syracuse]

I heard that men in Texas recently discovered a new use for sheep.

Wool.

LMFAO

[PhillyGirl]

A Mexican drinks his Tequila and suddenly throws his glass in the
air, pulls out a pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says
"In Mexico our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from
the same one twice."

An Iraqi obviously impressed by this, drinks his camel beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his AK 47 and shoots the glass to
pieces. He says "In Iraq we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

A US Marine, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Miller Lite and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his M-9 Beretta and
shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi.

He says "In America we have so many Mexicans and Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

[Tomahawk]

That's just plain mean. I'm offended.

[Sgt PSN]

That's just plain mean. I'm offended.

I'm offended too.  Oh, wait a sec.  I'm neither Arab or Mexican.  Nevermind, that's good stuff.  

T-hawk, quit being a whiny beeeyatch!

[PhillyGirl]

Got this in my email today...and since I KNOW you'll all love it...LOL...I had to post it:

15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR WOMEN:

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.   (waiting for GF's response...lol)

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times,men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes.It means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Too bad I'm the only one on this board who is enjoying this...lol  

[stillupfront]

Why does Stillupfront come to mind?

Huh???