The Zombie Apocalypse

[Munson]

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/police-homeless-woman-snatches-baby-from-stroller-tries-to-eat-its-arm/

[Sgt PSN]

http://gizmodo.com/5916803/fear-not-these-official-zombie-bullets-will-save-us-from-the-apocalypse

[SunMo]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4awVqRr1eCo&feature=player_embedded

more zombie attacks

[SD]

I think that was already posted on here but if not it's one of the funniest videos I've ever seen.

The guy who dressed up like a zombie was on Tosh.0 last week. He said he went to white neighborhoods too but that white people just laughed at him. I love the one part where the guy pulls a gun on him. He said during the ending when he's being chased he told those guys it was just a prank and they offered him some crack.

[Zanshin]

Hahhaha. Nice.

[Munson]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4awVqRr1eCo&feature=player_embedded

more zombie attacks

Best part of this video is where that background music is from...

[Feva]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4awVqRr1eCo&feature=player_embedded

more zombie attacks

That... was farging hilarious.

He said he went to white neighborhoods too but that white people just laughed at him.

That's because our self-preservation gene is so much stronger than yours. You guys would sit there long enough to figure out, "Oh, it's just a guy dressed up like a zombie... he's just farging around!". We're getting the farg up outta there and we'll figure it out later.

[SunMo]

yeah, the "better safe than sorry" gene is definitely an asset

why stay around when it might be ok if you can run and it will definitely be ok

[hbionic]

It's why you don't see Black cliff climbers. Ever. It's ALWAYS the whites!

*I must admit that I once did some mountain climbing myself...but I made sure I took a set of white people with me.

[Geowhizzer]

I hadn't considered the bath salts angle. The end is very farging nigh.

No bath salts.  Some some apparently killer weed in the guy's system.

[Diomedes]

They're saying weed made him eat face? 

lol

[General_Failure]

Refute that, hippie.

[BigEd76]

man trips out, eats his dog

[ice grillin you]

great piece in the times today....

Zombie Nouns
By HELEN SWORD
Draft is a series about the art and craft of writing.

Take an adjective (implacable) or a verb (calibrate) or even another noun (crony) and add a suffix like ity, tion or ism. You've created a new noun: implacability, calibration, cronyism. Sounds impressive, right?

Nouns formed from other parts of speech are called nominalizations. Academics love them; so do lawyers, bureaucrats and business writers. I call them "zombie nouns" because they cannibalize active verbs, suck the lifeblood from adjectives and substitute abstract entities for human beings:

The proliferation of nominalizations in a discursive formation may be an indication of a tendency toward pomposity and abstraction.

The sentence above contains no fewer than seven nominalizations, each formed from a verb or an adjective. Yet it fails to tell us who is doing what. When we eliminate or reanimate most of the zombie nouns (tendency becomes tend, abstraction becomes abstract) and add a human subject and some active verbs, the sentence springs back to life:

Writers who overload their sentences with nominalizations tend to sound pompous and abstract.

Only one zombie noun – the key word nominalizations – has been allowed to remain standing.

At their best, nominalizations help us express complex ideas: perception, intelligence, epistemology. At their worst, they impede clear communication. I have seen academic colleagues become so enchanted by zombie nouns like heteronormativity and interpellation that they forget how ordinary people speak. Their students, in turn, absorb the dangerous message that people who use big words are smarter – or at least appear to be – than those who don't.

In fact, the more abstract your subject matter, the more your readers will appreciate stories, anecdotes, examples and other handholds to help them stay on track. In her book "Darwin's Plots," the literary historian Gillian Beer supplements abstract nouns like evidence, relationships and beliefs with vivid verbs (rebuff, overturn, exhilarate) and concrete nouns that appeal to sensory experience (earth, sun, eyes):

Most major scientific theories rebuff common sense. They call on evidence beyond the reach of our senses and overturn the observable world. They disturb assumed relationships and shift what has been substantial into metaphor. The earth now only seems immovable. Such major theories tax, affront, and exhilarate those who first encounter them, although in fifty years or so they will be taken for granted, part of the apparently common-sense set of beliefs which instructs us that the earth revolves around the sun whatever our eyes may suggest.

Her subject matter – scientific theories – could hardly be more cerebral, yet her language remains firmly anchored in the physical world.

Contrast Beer's vigorous prose with the following passage from a social sciences book:

The partial participation of newcomers is by no means "disconnected" from the practice of interest. Furthermore, it is also a dynamic concept. In this sense, peripherality, when it is enabled, suggests an opening, a way of gaining access to sources for understanding through growing involvement. The ambiguity inherent in peripheral participation must then be connected to issues of legitimacy, of the social organization of and control over resources, if it is to gain its full analytical potential.

Why does reading this paragraph feel like trudging through deep mud? The secret lies at its grammatical core: Participation is. . . . It is. . . . Peripherality suggests. . . . Ambiguity must be connected. Every single sentence has a zombie noun or a pronoun as its subject, coupled with an uninspiring verb. Who are the people? Where is the action? What story is being told?

To get a feeling for how zombie nouns work, release a few of them into a sentence and watch them sap all of its life. George Orwell played this game in his essay "Politics and the English Language," contrasting a well-known verse from Ecclesiastes with his own satirical translation:

I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Here it is in modern English:

Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.

The Bible passage speaks to our senses and emotions with concrete nouns (sun, bread), descriptions of people (the swift, the wise, men of understanding, men of skill) and punchy abstract nouns (race, battle, riches, time, chance). Orwell's "modern English" version, by contrast, is teeming with nominalizations (considerations, conclusion, activities, tendency, capacity, unpredictable) and other vague abstractions (phenomena, success, failure, element). The zombies have taken over, and the humans have fled the village.

Zombie nouns do their worst damage when they gather in jargon-generating packs and infect every noun, verb and adjective in sight: globe becomes global becomes globalize becomes globalization. The grandfather of all nominalizations, antidisestablishmentarianism, potentially contains at least two verbs, three adjectives and six other nouns.

A paragraph heavily populated by nominalizations will send your readers straight to sleep. Wake them up with vigorous, verb-driven sentences that are concrete, clearly structured and blissfully zombie-free.
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For an operationalized assessment of your own propensity for nominalization dependence (translation: to diagnose your own zombie habits), try pasting a few samples of your prose into the Writer's Diet test. A score of "flabby" or "heart attack" in the noun category indicates that 5 percent or more of your words are nominalizations.

[Tomahawk]

This zombie shtein has jumped the shark. When old white people are talking about it, it's neither funny nor cool. Now it's just dumb.