Best Song Lyrics Thread

[PhillyPhanInDC]

I did a half-assed search and didn't see this anywhere.

Any song lyrics you like, reflective, funny, whatever. Name Band and Album.

I'll start.

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto

Band: Bloodhound Gang  Album: Hefty Fine

[mussa]

Violent Pornography - System Of A Down

everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody fargs
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody sucks
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody cries
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody dies

it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo
it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo
it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo

everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody fargs
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody sucks
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody dies
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody cries

it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo
it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo
it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo

Its a violent pornagraphy
choking chicks and sodomy
the kind of shtein you get on your TV

Its a violent pornagraphy
choking chicks and sodomy
the kind of shtein you get on your TV

everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody sucks
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody fargs
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody dies
everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody cries

it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo
it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo
it's a non stop disco bet you it's nabisco bet you didn't know woohoo

Its a violent pornagraphy
choking chicks and sodomy
the kind of shtein you get on your TV

Its a violent pornagraphy
choking chicks and sodomy
the kind of shtein you get on your TV

Its a violent pornagraphy
choking chicks and sodomy
the kind of shtein thats on your TV

Its on your tv
Its on your tv
turn off your tv

can you say brainwashing
brainwashing

Its a non stop disco

Violent Pornography - System Of A Down

[mussa]

another system song

SYSTEM OF A DOWN - Chic 'N' Stu Lyrics
This ballgame's in the refrigerator,
The door is closed,
The lights are out,
And the butter's getting hard.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

Well advertising's got you on the run,
Need therapy, therapy advertising causes,
Well advertising's got you on the run,
Need therapy, therapy advertising causes,
Well advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

[Mad-Lad]

My brain makes the earth dark but I'm hung like a birthmark
I like to suck toes yours secrete fructose
I make paintings based on grids just like Chuck Close
I'm old school like Aztecs but new in other aspects
If you want sex with me be prepared for bad sex and slapstick
Even Chapstick won't help my chapped meatcicle
When I'm with a naked chick I use a faker meatcicle
A turkey baster laced with Elmer's to make it stick
My ex fled to Reykjavik, we really were trying
Ohhh your so wet, "My Hoyda's crying"
I need an eye exam and a vagina with no diaphragm
Or condom, I'm pond scum, I'm going to buy a lamb
And when we make love I'll picture titty humping
which looks like a Venn Diagram
Ewww, this isn't dope I feel like I'm pissing Scope
Lamby's a misanthrope
I asked her to stop moving, does she listen? Nope
The sheep was a clone so I was a creep on the phone
Now I'm sleeping alone
With her photo on my nightstand in a sepia tone
Oh yeah and you know that...
<Scratching> "Paul Bar-Bar-Barman"

Chorus:
The joy of your world is Paul Barman!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Yes the joy of your wwoorrlldd is Paul Barman!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman

Verse 2:
After this rap I'll be in Napoli, happily
Proposing to my chosen under an apple tree
"Let's get married," I don't walk, I get carried
By a motorcade of voter-age women on rollerblades
In cute sleeveless shirts exposing their shoulder blades
But I'm a lonely guy since my honeypie ran off with Ione Skye
Now I've got nothing whatsoever, ugly-broke-arrogant, but so clever
When I write rhymes on brown bags and in shower steam
Me and Paul are the power team
We'll leave you deflowered with a mouth full of sour cream
Gobble this obelisk
<Scratching> "Paul Bar-Bar-Barman"

Chorus:
The joy of your world is Paul Barman!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Yes the joy of your wwoorrlldd is Paul Barman!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman

Verse 3:
My close pals, aunts, uncles, leaders, Nations, and towns
Hamlets and neighboring islands, everyone
Landlords, bosses, and relatives, moms and newborns
Somehow when I act thirteen, I'm a virgin girl's tractor beam
This one was dressed to kill from her head to my testicle
She was from west of Phil-ly and spoke well of it
She said, "Just for the hell of it let's not be celibate."
I got all higgledy piggledy, it's a big relief
When I take off my fig uh leaf
She said that, "Let's get at this" but her cat and an unpotted cactus
Sat on her mattress
that sure made it saturated with sharp thorns and cat piss
I put on a hiphop beat while she whipped off the topsheet
She said, "Come to bed I like my undergrads underfed
They amaze how they stay up days on mayonnaise and Wonderbread."
I dove in her cervix a lot like Sir Mixalot
This interlude is for the women I've interviewed about the clitoris
and how to make it less hit-or-miss
Should we be gentle?, Is it all mental?
I won't use a dental dam 'cause it discurges
my urges to submerge in her jizz
She said, "My goodness you should juss use clues that's nonverbal
You're too vigorous if my clitoris, for example, turns purple"
It was time to copulate but we didn't want to populate
So my bold groin reached for my gold coin proooophylactic
I unwrapped it, you can't know how I felt
It wasn't a gold coin condom, it was chocolate Chanukah gelt
The white part crumbled on her tummy and the rest began to melt
Foiled again.....

<Scratching> "It's a classic piece, It's a classic piece,
It's a classic piece
We'd like to thank George for that and also Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman,
Bar-Barman Barman-Barman-Barman, and also Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman,
Bar-Bar-Barman, Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman, From Chapel Hill
who made the contribution of 5 dollars
Thanks Charles, I mean pardon me Paul,
Charles took the pledge, No Doubt"

the lyrics are even better when you introduce the filters.   

[mussa]

Even Chapstick won't help my chapped meatcicle
When I'm with a naked chick I use a faker meatcicle

lmao 

[Mad-Lad]

My ex fled to Reykjavik, we really were trying
Ohhh your so wet, "My Hoyda's crying

[Susquehanna Birder]

Violent Pornography - System Of A Down

LSB has that on his current playlist. The one that he plays at high volume while web surfing and/or playing video games.

[mussa]

Nice choice LSB.  That song is so damn catchy. 

[Susquehanna Birder]

Catchy, yeah. Of course, I'm probably not going to make any friends here when I say I hate that whiny, sniveling SOAD "singer." Dude really needs to get punched out.

[General_Failure]

Cigaro would have been a better choice.

[mussa]

Catchy, yeah. Of course, I'm probably not going to make any friends here when I say I hate that whiny, sniveling SOAD "singer." Dude really needs to get punched out.

yea i had a hard time getting used to the guitarist singing when toxicity came out.  i actually couldn't stand that guys voice for the longest time.  its grows on you.  the first CD was just the lead singer, excellant CD.

[mussa]

Cigaro would have been a better choice.

watch the filters fly when you psot that song!  does cock have a filter?>

[mussa]

guess not 

[Diomedes]

...sniveling SOAD "singer." Dude really needs to get punched out.

I volunteer.

[Rome]

I could post any number of "Replacements" songs in this thread since Paul Westerberg is the best songwriter of his generation by far, but I'll post my favorite song of theirs instead.  It's not their most critically acclaimed song nor is it particularly well-known either but the scenario mentioned happened to me once at a wedding nearly verbatim, so, to me, it's pretty cool (and my favorite).   

Nobody

Heartaches, on your wedding day
double takes when they look my way
knees quake, there ain't a shotgun in the place
you like the frosting, you just bought the cake
your eyes can't fake
still in love with nobody
and I won't tell nobody

The bridegroom
drags you 'cross that room
said I do
but honey you were just a kid
your eyes said I did
still in love with nobody
nobody, nobody
and I won't tell nobody

Take a look
on your wedding night
in your wedding book
see what name I signed
hey
love nobody,
nobody, nobody
then nobody
nobody, nobody, nobody

Hips shake
to the band for old time's sake
now you make your getaway
and you're waving to the stage
but on the last page says
love nobody
nobody, nobody
and I won't tell nobody
nobody, nobody
yeah you're still in love with nobody
nobody, nobody
and I used to be nobody
nobody, nobody
not anymore