The Zombie Apocalypse

[ice grillin you]

i know better than to read thru it so can someone tell me how this thread got to 4 pages already

[hbionic]

I was thinking...is it possible to rape zombies, impregnate them and make they have zombie-human hybrids that are immune to their virus? I'd be willing to test the theory out and get some zombie Hoyda and let you guys know how it is. I'm sure its going to stink like hell.

[General_Failure]

Scientists have tried to test that, but the zombies keep tricking the testers into getting hummers.

[mussa]

zombie snatch, mmm mmm good

[rjs246]

I wrote this open letter to zombies two years ago as part of my mid-season fantasy football newsletter:

Dear zombies,

Once you were alive, but now you are simply animated bodies hell bent on eating my brain and the brains of everyone I know and love. You have no thoughts, no emotion, no reason and in fact only your bodies and your appetites for delicious gray matter are still intact.

This presents those of us who have not yet been bitten with a fantastic opportunity. You see, you have given us the chance to shoot, hack, stab, explode and hump our way to our most destructive fantasies without even the smallest repercussion or existential dilemma. We never have to feel bad or question our motivations when we shove a butcher knife through your eye. Chainsaw to the spine? No moral conundrum there. And if you happen to turn your back to me and you're still wearing that thong that your boyfriend gave you before you ate his entire skull, and if you've only been undead for a few minutes and there's only a little bit of flesh and gore hanging from your chin, I can accidentally violate you from behind without having to worry about calling you or meeting your parents or getting in a confrontation with your boyfriend (who, as discussed has already been neatly disposed of). All I have to do is tie a live grenade in your neck and pull the pin. It's the perfect relationship.

For all of this, Zombies, I thank you.

Love,
rjs246

[mussa]

that brought a tear to my icehole

[Munson]

I have a fort already lined up.  Pea Patch Island..HOLLER

Oh, and some form of amphetamines

Good call.


Of course, it is haunted though.

[hbionic]

that brought a tear to my icehole

wow...your butthole must be really tight and sensitive for it to tear that easy. What are you doing later tonight?

[rjs246]

Not to scare all of you, but our country's current Swine Flu craze is eerily similar to the distractionary tactics that the Chinese government uses in WWZ to keep the world from knowing that the zombie virus has been discovered and is spreading... just sayin'.

[General_Failure]

Fargin' pigs were on to mussa's plan from the start.

[mussa]

oiling up shotguns

[PhillyPhanInDC]

Crowbar
Shotgun
Rifle
Flamethrower (if available)
Castle/Fortress (unlikely)
Livestock
Wenches
Fertile Land
Reinforced Footwear
...

Good start. What next?

Flamethrower = bad for Zombie killing. Zombies running around you or neighboring wooden structures while flaming doesn't work out so well.

Hoarding propane and oxygen tanks on the other hand works well. Also pipe bombs with some kind of loud device (an air horn taped open) attached would work excellently for exploding the undead.

I would also try to figure out where the closest military base is for a Bradley or something similar, but most importantly, a MK19.

The Mk 19 Grenade Launcher is a belt-fed automatic 40 mm grenade launcher or grenade machine gun that entered U.S. military service during the Cold War, first seeing action during the Vietnam War and remaining in service today.

The Mk 19 fires 40 mm grenades at a cyclic rate of 325 to 375 rounds per minute, giving a practical rate of fire of 60 rounds per minute (rapid) and 40 rounds per minute (sustained). The weapon operates on the blowback principle, which uses the chamber pressure from each fired round to load and re-cock the weapon. The Mk 19 is able to lob its grenade at a maximum distance of 2,212 meters, though its effective range for a point target is about 1,500 meters

I would suggest playing Left 4 Dead constantly for the next few months leading up to the outbreak to prepare tactics.

[rjs246]

Flamethrower is bad in close quarters or urban settings, agreed. But if you have an organized team of zombie hunters/exterminators, once the initial chaos has settled down, it can be quite useful I would think.

[General_Failure]

Where are you going to find a team of organized zombie hunters?

[rjs246]

Clearly not here.