the random musings not worthy of new thread thread

[SunMo]

or to stamp out gorilla cookies in home eck

ha, awesome

[Geowhizzer]

A.  All kids are "good babies" for a few days after the initial shock of childbirth.  They just want to sleep.  Let me know in a week or two if she's still such a good baby.

Just in comparing to my son, this one has been much calmer.  He screamed pretty much the first six weeks of life.  This one has only screamed about an hour total in the first four days of life.

Of course, I've been told that girls are much easier... until puberty.  I may need to find that shotgun my grandfather used on the family dogs to prepare for future boyfriends.

B.  I have no experience with changing a boy's diaper, but the possibility for a fountain of pee and having to cover up his penis seems just as if not more tricky than "front to back".

It isn't so much the front to back as it is the creases.  The penis you can just clean around.  There are crevases that you have to clean through with a girl, along with the "front to back."  With the boy it's easier to make sure everything is clean.

Of course, like all good husbands, I sleep through the crying, anyway, and make my wife take care of it. 

[Father Demon]

Why not just use cards??

[rjs246]

Ha! That's the dumbest shtein I've ever seen.

[mussa]

yea it is 

[General_Failure]

20 something WASPs, a guy and girl holding hands as they walked down the road wearing their GAP best, tried to break in here earlier. They opened up the bedroom window and pushed back the curtain, but took off as they heard me closing the office door. We didn't realize it until afterwards, we just thought the landlady put the place up for sale and they came to check it out.

Nothing was stolen, unless they took some of my dirty socks. If they did, I'll be even more pissed. Socks don't exactly grow on trees.

[mussa]

sounds like a job chopper reid can handle. harden the farg up

[Feva]

Too bad I missed out on all the in-depth baby talk cuz it seems ya boy's gonna need a refresher course on changing a newborn's diapers.

L'il(er) Feva is apparently on the way... and already the thought of going through those sleepless nights again are pissing me off.

[Rome]

Congrats, Feva.   

[SD_Eagle5]

Top 25 internet hoaxes

Sassy's favorite came in at 5:

5. Nigerian 419 E-Mail Scam (2000)
"DEAR SIR," the e-mail starts. "FIRSTLY I MUST FIRST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION; LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY..." I'm sure you've received one of these--a confidential, urgent e-mail message promising you a reward of mucho dinero for helping this person convey money abroad. All you need do in return is entrust your name and bank account number to the government bureaucrat (or his uncle, aunt, or cousin, the ostensible "credit offficer with the union bank of Nigeria plc (uba) Benin branch") who needs your help.
It's the Nigerian con, also known as an Advanced Fee Fraud or 419 scam (so called because of the section number of the Nigerian criminal code that applies to it). Ancestors of these scams appeared in the 1980s, when the media of choice were letters or faxes--and they're still wildly successful at snagging people. In fact, Oprah recently featured a victim of the Nigerian scam on her show. And if you think that smart, educated folks couldn't possibly fall for it, you'll be surprised when you read " The Perfect Mark," a New Yorker magazine article profiling a Massachusetts psychotherapist who was duped--and lost a fortune.
To see how the hoax works, visit Scamorama, a fascinating site that features a progression of e-mail messages stringing along 419 scammers, sometimes for months at a time. Finally, check out the 3rd Annual Nigerian E-Mail Conference, an absolutely perfect spoof.

[Sgt PSN]

ha!

The biatch finally stopped emailing me but then I recieved one from some dude claiming to be the President of Nigeria.  His email account was something like pres_obj_1961@yahoo.com or something rediculous like that.  I emailed him back in ebonics and haven't heard from him since. 

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

unfortunately, my sadistic fantasies don't go into that much detail.  i usually skip to the funeral part, where i'm shteinting on your tombstone, during the memorial service

I'm touched that you'd take time out of your busy child-raping schedule to attend my service.

[SunMo]

dude...that's sick, i don't have a "child-raping schedule"

it's just whenever the mood hits me

[ice grillin you]

[SunMo]

bears are so cute