Strange Comments Overheard in Public

[Beermonkey]

I was walking around town today & joked with a friend about some girl wanting to get hit with a flurry of 12-inch penises from every angle, when I turned & found that some middle-aged woman was walking about 2 feet next to me & had a smile on her face like someone stuck a feather up her ass. This made me think about all the strange shtein that I sometimes overhear & laugh off.

I was waiting for my train at Market East today & I heard the following phone argument from the Indian guy working in the Silver Jewelry kiosk:

"Look motherfarger, I knew Denzel Washington from acting school. That's what I fargin told you already"

While this was nowhere near the same level that I heard at Walmart few years ago, when some hick said "Look at that sale on dog food. I wish we had a dog.", I was curious what other comments people get exposed to.

Post them or your smarmy attempts at humor here!

[MURP]

"Look at that sale on dog food. I wish we had a dog."

[Seabiscuit36]

I was 12 and at the pet store in Christiana Mall.  There was a parrot there who started to fall off the pvc pipe tree they had and he said "Oh shtein, i almost farging fell"

[MadMarchHare]

One of my co-workers has an African Grey.  When it sees the dogs come in the living room, it yells, "Kitchen!  Get in the kitchen!  farging dogs."  It also sings the Raiders of the Lost Ark music.  Parrots rule.

[Diomedes]

A flaming gay man on his cellphone a few days ago, crossing Tenth Ave @ 15th Street:

"L.A. was great....Which boy?... Oh, him!  Yeah.  He calls himself H.Bionic...I know, G-A-Y!!...anyway, his lips were magic, just magic!"

[Drunkmasterflex]

This wasn't a comment but it was funny as hell, I was at Lancaster General Hospital to visit a friend who had been in a car accident.  Another friend and I are walking through the lobby and outside the gift shop stood a very tall Amish dude with his midget Amish wife, as they stood there a doctor walked by and one of them just completely ripped ass.  My friend and I had a few beers before we went in so needless to say we could not stop laughing we had to run into the bathroom and we were literally on the floor for 5 minutes.

[Wingspan]

This wasn't a comment but it was funny as hell, I was at Lancaster General Hospital to visit a friend who had been in a car accident.  Another friend and I are walking through the lobby and outside the gift shop stood a very tall Amish dude with his midget Amish wife, as they stood there a doctor walked by and one of them just completely ripped ass.  My friend and I had a few beers before we went in so needless to say we could not stop laughing we had to run into the bathroom and we were literally on the floor for 5 minutes.

so you tailgated before visiting a friend in the hospital?

[Drunkmasterflex]

This wasn't a comment but it was funny as hell, I was at Lancaster General Hospital to visit a friend who had been in a car accident.  Another friend and I are walking through the lobby and outside the gift shop stood a very tall Amish dude with his midget Amish wife, as they stood there a doctor walked by and one of them just completely ripped ass.  My friend and I had a few beers before we went in so needless to say we could not stop laughing we had to run into the bathroom and we were literally on the floor for 5 minutes.

so you tailgated before visiting a friend in the hospital?

Yeah pretty much, it is tough to see one of your friends banged up like that so we decided we should "dull the pain".

[mussa]

not a conversation overheard, but a situaion in philly

i had a homeless crackheaded woman offer me romanace inside her mouth one time in center city waiting for someone to pick me up.  she was persistent let me tell you.  she was up in my face and she accidently spit in my face while talking and I freaked out and told her to get the farg out of my face.  it was fargin disgusting.  i should of sent her to hell right there.

[Wingspan]

mussa got snowballed. ha ha

[mussa]

lol. farger 

[Drunkmasterflex]

So my buddy and I went to watch Superman today and we get there a little early to get a seat, the theater was already filled in pretty good so we had to sit on the side seats.  It was no big deal because they were still good seats, this lady comes around the corner dragging her 5-6 year old son, as she was doing this she pulled him head first into the hand rail...ping the kid starts crying. 

I of course start to laugh because it was funny as hell, she rubs his head and tells him it will be alright and they start walking up the steps as soon as they start ping he fargin walks into the hand rail himself.  It was hard as hell, it had to have hurt by this time I am laughing so hard I can't breathe and have tears streaming from my eyes.   My buddy said me laughing made the kid cry harder and the mom send evil glares my way, I was laughing so hard I couldn't see.  She then decides to sit down right behind us, so I as best I could told my buddy we shoudl move.  The whole way over to the otherside of the theater we were busting out loud laughing.  I know I am probably going to hell for this but is was the funniest thing that I have seen in a long time.

And Superman was excellent by the way.

[Diomedes]

overheard in NYC

Blond Tourist Bimbo: I've never even heard of the G Train.
Blond Local Bimbo: Yeah, it's a ghetto train.
Blond Tourist Bimbo: Where does it go?
Blond Local Bimbo: Nowhere.
Black eight-year-old boy: Except my home, bitch.

--G train Hoyt/Schermerhorn station

[phattymatty]

Coworker #1: So what've you been up to?
Coworker #2: The usual. Just whacked off.
Coworker #1: Dude, you're on speakerphone.

[ice grillin you]

a bum in downtown dc while rummaging thru a trash can and coming upon a discarded half of a hot dog: "someone must have thrown it away because of all the ants on it"

two arab guys on my commuter train while reading a newspaper advertisment:

arab #1 "these people stand behind their furniture for six months"
arab #2 "why would man wanna stand behind couch for SIX MONTHS!!"