Joke thread

[Sgt PSN]

   Dork!  

[shorebird]

Though neither of your jokes are funny ( ), whenever a female co-worker tells me to kiss her ass, which suprisingly happens regularly, I ask her to, "Point out a spot because you're all ass, baby."

Yeah, I've heard that one too.

I'm one of those morons that thinks that the dumber a joke is, the funnier it is. Not many people share that outlook, which makes the jokes even funnier.

[shorebird]

I have a co-worker who cry's and whines all day about how he hates construction work, and should go back to driving a truck. I said, "no problem, why don't you back right up here and take this load."

[General_Failure]

What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
A retarded ape.

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"
"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for
dinner!"
"Really?"
Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I
wanna eat it!'"

What's the difference between condoms and coffins?
They both hold something stiff but one's coming and
one's going!

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?".
"Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing.

[chuck_chillout]

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's wrong?"

After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife in bed with my best friend."

"Wow," says the barkeep. "What'd you do?"

"I walked over to my wife," the man replies, "looked her straight in the eye, and told her to pack her stuff and get the hell out."

"That makes sense," says the bartender. "And what about your best friend?"

"I walked over, looked him right in the eye, and yelled, 'Bad dog!'"

[chuck_chillout]

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

"Do you know what I'm doing?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies. "You're checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."

"That's right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"You're checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.

"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes—which is what I came here about in the first place."

[joneszilla]

Read this out loud:

I am we Todd did.

I am sofa king we Todd did.  

Sofa king funny.  

[Tomahawk]

This one just might get me booed...

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer for me and one for the road."

[General_Failure]

That's the kind of thing we expect from NB. You're better than that.

[Syracuse]

This one just might get me booed...

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer for me and one for the road."

LOL, sofa king stupid.

[MURP]

This one just might get me booed...

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer for me and one for the road."

LOL, sofa king stupid.

lmao

[shorebird]

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer for me and one for the road."

Now, that's my kind of joke.  

[MURP]

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

"Do you know what I'm doing?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies. "You're checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."

"That's right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"You're checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.

"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes—which is what I came here about in the first place."

lol... good one.

[Tomahawk]

Did you quit dealing out   for jokes, MURP?

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer for me and one for the road."

Now, that's my kind of joke.  

You asked for it....

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

[MURP]

hey Chuck.