Dead in 2011

[paco]

Speaking of which, I assume everyone has seen the Echo chainsaw commercial by now.  It's by far one of my favorite commercials ever.  I love how they make fun of the TSA's invasive body search techniques and at the same time, make fun of them for being completely inept and allow a chainsaw to pass through security.  Whoever came up with that one is brilliant. 


http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=iGEprI09278

Agreed, it is one of my favorite commecials on TV.

My only real TSA complaint (the way I am preped to fly, I will never get to the fondeling point) is that they don't even seem to know the rules.  At least once every few months I get in an argument with some ex-retiree over my backpack.  It is TSA approved to allow you to keep your laptop in it (as long as nothing else is in the same pocket) so it speeds up the screening process.  Said ex-retiree then starts treating me like a criminal\punk (I do look pretty ragged when I fly ) and I respond with the rules around TSA approved bags.  An angry blank stare usually follows as I collect my things and leave.  If its obvious who has senority over him is around, I give them a friendly suggestion that the screener is unaware of a rule and it might be worth reminding (which I have seen them go over to him and chat most of the time).

[PhillyPhreak54]

I always refuse the body-scanner. It cracks me up when about 8 of the loser TSA people yell "opt out!"

[Sgt PSN]

Gotta love it when people know the rules better than the ones who are supposed to enforce them.  And that's the main problem with TSA.  They are mostly people who aren't really qualified to do the job in the first place or they don't give a shtein or they aren't properly trained.  And in some cases, all 3. 

[DH]

TSA agents need to be educated, highly trained and well-paid. We live in fear of another 9/11, yet our last line of defense on an airline consists of a bunch of county college dropouts who care more about texting than they do their jobs. On my last flight, I had the following happen to me:

I had 2 seperate bags with me as I approach the screen..I take off my watch and wedding band, put them in the circular thing and put it on the belt along with my 2 bags. As I get through, one agent takes one of my bags and another takes the other - in two completely seperate directions, both telling me to follw them. As I try to tell them they are calling me to two places at one time, my watch and ring somehow fall out of the thing they are in and my watch falls on the floor while my wedding band gets stuck in the machine. They stopped the machine, took 5 minutes to find it, then and some POS asks me if Ive ever flown before because I did not know how to properly put my belongings on the machine...After getting a supervisor and explaining the situation, he gave me his business card and told me to call him next time I fly so he can escort me through the line. Get the farg out of here.

The reason I got so worked up over this was because of an article I read just a few days before which outlined how TSA agents were stealing money and other belongings from eldery and foreign flyers out of Newark Airport - right where I flew from. Not the initial screener, nor his supervisor was competent or trained enough to handle the situation and for frequent flyers, its become a much bigger hassle than it ever should be.

[phattymatty]

It is TSA approved to allow you to keep your laptop in it (as long as nothing else is in the same pocket) so it speeds up the screening process.

Interesting. this is good to know if only to be a prick.

also, the randomness of the checks is totally bogus. i look like a pile of shtein too when i fly and can usually tell when i'm going to get the extra bag check pre-boarding and after security b/c i can feel the screener checking me out.

[rjs246]

The TSA can suck my hairy beanbag. How many US planes have been hijacked in the history of US aviation? So we spend billions of dollars trying to prevent something that is unlikely to ever happen again. What's the point?

Do it right, with competent and accountable personnel or don't do it at all. I honestly think that we are no safer now than we were on September 10th, 2001, we're just WAY more inconvenienced.

[DH]

I honestly think that we are no safer now than we were on September 10th, 2001, we're just WAY more inconvenienced.

All-time post, right here.

[paco]

It is TSA approved to allow you to keep your laptop in it (as long as nothing else is in the same pocket) so it speeds up the screening process.

Interesting. this is good to know if only to be a prick.

also, the randomness of the checks is totally bogus. i look like a pile of shtein too when i fly and can usually tell when i'm going to get the extra bag check pre-boarding and after security b/c i can feel the screener checking me out.

Its only certian bags, where you can unzip them so the laptop is seperated from all of the other belongings.  And the laptop has to be by itself in the compartment.  If there is a magazine in there, they will flip out.

This is similar to the one I have. Same brand, slightly different style, and I got it at Sams Club for about $40. Since I go through security at least twice a week, the fact that I dont need to use a single bin (except for my jacket in the winter) is worth the price.



As for randomness, I never been selected at DIA, but I have been at DCA a few times.  At DCA, it really is random.  The metal detector went off, and I gave the TSA person a "But I dont have any metal" type confused look.  He said "don't worry, its for a random screening".  They have the detectors there rigged to go off every now and then, apparently.

[hbionic]

I got picked out of the lot in Houston flying back to L.A. this past September. Last second too. We were sitting down...all of a sudden, they pick out an Asian chick, a Jew (random white guy), and me. I was rocking my pseudo-beard and I am "Latino" (A mexican that can dance salsa, otherwise, a mexican). Wait, I think I am Mexican by that definition.

They didn't feel me up too much...although I did try to stick my crotch out when she was going up my leg. She didn't think it was funny. She made me wait to be the last one to get on. Bitch.

farg Houston, the armpit of America.

[PhillyPhreak54]

You are correct, Chuggy. Did you fly out of Bush or Hobby?

DH - EWR is chock full of theft complaints. The screeners and baggage people there may have the stickiest fingers of all airport personnel in the country.

When I opt out of the scanner they make ya stand there like a tool and don't let you touch your stuff. Sometimes it just sits at the end of the belt waiting for one of the dropouts to come collect it. So I always bitch that they leave my shtein laying there and they catch an attitude.

They always ask if I have stuff in my pockets like money or cards (I dont carry a wallet) and one dude asked how much money I was carrying so I told him none of his business and he called a supervisor on me. 

[hbionic]

Ugh...I don't remember...boo to me.

I really can't remember.

What's the process on opting out of the body scanner? Will your plane leave if you are running late?

Do you have to strip down...and I have heard these fargers grope you. Any truth to that?

[PhillyPhreak54]

Your plane will leave you, yes. If you are not there 10 minutes prior to them closing the door, you'll likely get left.

If they try to force you to go through any of the scanners all you have to do is tell the loser TSA person that you don't want to go through. They will yell "male opt out" about 400 times and then tell you you're subjected to a pat-down should you refuse.

They then walk you through the metal detector and you stand there with a TSA clown while you wait for your molester.

They then give you a fairly invasive body pat down, putting their fingers inside your waistband and going up your legs until they "meet resistance" which means they will catch your sack.

After they rape you they swab their gloves to test for traces of explosives and once you clear then you're free to move on.

I always opt out and will never walk through a screener.

[charlie]

So instead of simply walking through a xray screener machine, which takes about 10 seconds... you'd rather have some random guy touch your sack?

Is the screener typically wearing a #5 jersey?

[MDS]

when i fly home in june ill be gong through houston

bring it on rednecks bush lovers

[PhillyPhreak54]

So instead of simply walking through a xray screener machine, which takes about 10 seconds... you'd rather have some random guy touch your sack?

Is the screener typically wearing a #5 jersey?

I'm not walking through any goddamn xray machine to get on a plane. That's an illegal search along with a dose of radiation.

The putdowns are not much better but I will not get an xray because the government says so.