Interview with Dhani Jones

[phattymatty]

Five Fast Facts about the Eagles:
-The Eagles were formed in the early 1970s by Don Henley and Glenn Frey (but not Joe Walsh) with the mission of making music for people who found the Steve Miller Band too avant garde.
-Coach Andy Reid has pledged that the Eagles will run the ball more this year. Perhaps even three times a game.
-The Eagles' backup running back is Correll Buckhalter, which means the Eagles' actual backup running back is Ryan Moats.
-Eagles players once drilled a hole in the locker room wall at the Vet to spy on showering cheerleaders. And that is farging sweet.
-Backup QB Jeff Garcia hosts Karaoke Night every Tuesday night at the Blue Oyster bar. Admission is free if you bring the proof of purchase from your "Angels in America" DVD.



Drew: Dhani, thanks for taking the time to sit down with me.
Dhani Jones: No problem.

Drew: I love your bottled water. I know a lot of people prefer Evian, but to me that tastes like Marlon Brando's fromunda cheese.
Dhani: That's Dasani.

Drew: Whatever. Let's talk TO. Just how divisive a presence was his overly repressed homosexuality?
Dhani: TO isn't gay.

Drew: What's it like to be the only black man to wear a bow tie and not be a member of the Nation of Islam?
Dhani: It's all right.

Drew: Is Brian Westbrook injured yet?
Dhani: No.

Drew: How long do you give him? Isn't he the kind of guy that gets injured ordering an omelette?
Dhani: No.

Drew: Is Donte Stallworth the missing piece this team needs to get back to the Super Bowl and lose while showing absolutely no sense of urgency?
Dhani: Donte is great.

Drew: Shouldn't rookie tackle Winston Justice be a porn star/superhero with that name? Lightning could shoot right out his cock.
Dhani: Sure.

Drew: The Eagles' offensive philosophy is to pass 60 times a game to a group of subpar receivers. Why haven't other teams embraced this ingenious reverse psychology?
Dhani: I don't know.

Drew: What's it like to have seven seconds of rest between defensive series?
Dhani: We run the ball.

Drew: Is Donovan McNabb fat? Because sometimes, I swear it looks like he spends all day eating pie.
Dhani: No.

Drew: When he threw up during the Super Bowl, did pie come out?
Dhani: No.

Drew: Did French Silk ice cream come out?
Dhani: No.

Drew: When Todd Pinkston was released, did Len Pasquarelli walk into the locker room, find the rumpled jersey of his one true love, and wistfully take in its longing scent?
Dhani: No.

Drew: Shouldn't head coach Andy Reid be a cop? He looks like the icehole cop that tried to take credit for saving that one guy from the bus crash in "The Fugitive".
Dhani: No.

Drew: Does Donovan McNabb bring Andy Reid a shiny apple at every team meeting?
Dhani: No.

Drew: Last year, Philadelphia NACCP head Jerry Mondeshire said that McNabb was "mediocre at best". What has McNabb done to deserve that sort of praise?
Dhani: It wasn't praise.

Drew: Donovan McNabb has attracted the ire of both TO and Rush Limbaugh. Why is he such a Douchebag magnet? Is Jimmy Fallon next in line?
Dhani: I don't know.

Drew: I hear you like to write poetry. I have written this haiku about the Eagles:
Another year with
No skill position players
Boo, motherfarger
You like?
Dhani: No.

Drew: Will you kiss me? As you can tell by that poem, I'm a very sensitive guy.
Dhani: I'll think about it.

Drew: Dhani, this was fun. Have a great season.
Dhani: Thanks.

[Sgt PSN]

Some of the questions were pretty funny but the answers didn't have much thought put in them. 

[phattymatty]

agreed, pretty weak for the most part.

[PhillyPhanInDC]

Drew: Is Donovan McNabb fat? Because sometimes, I swear it looks like he spends all day eating pie.
Dhani: No.

Drew: When he threw up during the Super Bowl, did pie come out?
Dhani: No.

Drew: Did French Silk ice cream come out?
Dhani: No.

I spit Dr. Pepper all over my monitor. Nice.

[SunMo]

the "pie" exchange was the best part

[rjs246]

Yeah. I snorted during the pie part.

[Susquehanna Birder]

Is there a link for this piece of...um...work?

[paco]

Drew: What's it like to be the only black man to wear a bow tie and not be a member of the Nation of Islam?
Dhani: It's all right.

That was beautiful.

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

Unfortunately, this was the weakest effort you've posted from "Drew".  Still somewhat amusing, I guess.

[Sgt PSN]

I did find this funny. 

Drew: Is Brian Westbrook injured yet?
Dhani: No.

Drew: How long do you give him? Isn't he the kind of guy that gets injured ordering an omelette?
Dhani: No.

[Feva]

^^^ I kinda giggled at that one, but overall, this one was pretty weak.

[PhillyFan]

Where did those come from?

[stalker]

Five Fast Facts about the Eagles:

Drew: The Eagles\' offensive philosophy is to pass 60 times a game to a group of subpar receivers. Why haven\'t other teams embraced this ingenious reverse psychology?
Dhani: I don\'t know.

That\'s funny, because loading up on great receivers has served well for the Cardinals, Lions, Saints, Colts, Niners (with TO), Raiders (with Moss), Vikings (with Moss), Bengals. These teams have won so many SB\'s with your gameplan you should think about finding a GM job in the NFL.

[qwert246]

Five Fast Facts about the Eagles:

Drew: The Eagles\' offensive philosophy is to pass 60 times a game to a group of subpar receivers. Why haven\'t other teams embraced this ingenious reverse psychology?
Dhani: I don\'t know.

That\'s funny, because loading up on great receivers has served well for the Cardinals, Lions, Saints, Colts, Niners (with TO), Raiders (with Moss), Vikings (with Moss), Bengals. These teams have won so many SB\'s with your gameplan you should think about finding a GM job in the NFL.

Way to get serious when it's a joke, dingus.

[PhillyPhanInDC]

Five Fast Facts about the Eagles:

Drew: The Eagles\' offensive philosophy is to pass 60 times a game to a group of subpar receivers. Why haven\'t other teams embraced this ingenious reverse psychology?
Dhani: I don\'t know.

That\'s funny, because loading up on great receivers has served well for the Cardinals, Lions, Saints, Colts, Niners (with TO), Raiders (with Moss), Vikings (with Moss), Bengals. These teams have won so many SB\'s with your gameplan you should think about finding a GM job in the NFL.

Way to get serious when it's a joke, dingus.

Ha. Burned by the resident Skins guy.