the random musings not worthy of new thread thread

[Rome]

Speaking of DUI, Steve McNair got popped for being a passenger in a car he owned because the driver of the car was driving drunk.

Yes - that's right, he was a PASSENGER and got arrested for allowing someone else to drive who was legally intoxicated.

Now that's retarded. 

[Sgt PSN]

http://www.419eater.com/html/hall_of_shame.htm

Scambating site. Most of these things come from Nigeria it seems.

I work in the fraud dept for a major bank.  About 40% of fraud comes from western africa or those who were taught in west africa

A buddy of mine recieved a similar email a year or 2 ago but it said that he had won a lottery somewhere in Africa for a few million bucks.  So he replied and they wanted him to send them like $500 to handle the "processing fees" or something like that.  ha!

[Sgt PSN]

Sarge - Can IGY date your daughter?

Sure, as long as he promises to teach her how to be black. 

[ice grillin you]

she dont want none of this

[Father Demon]

Lohan: I took stripper lessons for film

Lindsay Lohan made David Letterman's heart beat faster when she told him she plays a stripper in her next film, "I Know Who Killed Me."

"You're just gonna kill me, you know I have a heart condition. You're just gonna kill me," the CBS' "Late Show" host said Wednesday night.

The 20-year-old actress said the audience will be seeing "a lot" of her in the "really dark, scary film."

Lohan also said she took lessons for the role.

"It's really difficult to get yourself up there," she said.

I'll watch.

[Sgt PSN]

Ok, I got a reply back today from my rich African daughter. 

Dear Sir ******,

Thank you so much for your mail with hope all is well with you and other members of your family to the glory of Almighty God.Oh !,May the lord bless this day that I met you because you have acutally proved that you are a father.Words are not enough to express my sincere gratitude and happiness because,now I feel fufiled haveing someone like you.My heart is now at rest because your words have given me a lot of encouragement and hope and I feel now that I have my parents back to life.I have taken you and your wife as my parents promsing you that I will be loyal and honest to you all.I am also glad to hear from you and with hope that you have  young Children of my age hence I have found new brothers and sisters and will be glad to meeting with them soon.

l recieve your mail and l quite understood the contents of  the mail which l will really need your urgent and  honest assistance in helping me retriving this money from  the security company were it was deposited, you see my late father  deposited this fund in the security company without the knowledge of  any one,except me ,my father told me before his death that  incase of death, I should pray and find a trust worthy and  God fearing business  foriegn partner in oversea country of my choice for help,who will help me to transfer  this money to his account and secured  me a visa to leave our war zone Ivory Coast quickly for my  re-settlement and in conclusion of my educational pursuit ,this is the main reason  why i e-mail you,with this trust  that you will never betray me or let me down when my  father's life savings is transferred to you .It is legal  ,there is nothing to fear about,this is the reason why i will like you to contact the securty company as soon as i send you the contact of the security company information.

l thank you for promising to help me,please  uncle l need your urgent assistance  the major problem is for you to help me in securing this fund as my late  father's foriegn partner  for l have meet and discuss with  the security company for the release of the fund  to me being that, l  am the next of kin to it but they  confirm to me that my late father deposited the fund  in their securty company and  instructed that the co-beneficary would be a foriegn  partner in oversea which he never metion or introduce any  name to before his sudden death .The securty company , said they can  release the fund to me when i have appointed a foriegner  that would help me and also,they gave me the  security company contact information and advised me to give it  to whoever i  have choosen to help me stand as my late father's foriegn  partner/co-beneficiary to the fund.I will like you to contact them  as soon as you i send it to you immediately,Let them know that i have given you power to  stand as my father's business partner and that you will  take care of me in your country for the completion of my educational pursuit.

1)Sir, if i may ask, can you be able to come over here so that both of us will go to the security company together.

Please kindly reply and accept to help me and promise me that you will not betray me after this money is transfer into your account for l have map out 20% of the total sum as compensation for your honest ,sincern assistances ,effort/input after the  successful transfer of this fund into your nominated account to your country.
I am open to hear from you,
Thanks
Richeal Amana.

And my reply back...

Richeal,

I am relieved to hear that you are still ok.  My prayers for a rich, young, succulant 19 year old daughter with the IQ of a tennis racket went unanswered for months, perhaps even years.  But since God is fake, I reposted a bulletin on myspace within the allotted 5 minute time frame under the premise that I would recieve good news within 24 hours.  I can't believe it really worked.  (Thanks Tom, you rock!)

It seems that we've got to get a few things straight though before proceeding.  Nothing major, just a few technicalities we need to iron out.  First, I couldn't help but notice that you referred to me as "Uncle" during your last communication.  Understand that I'm your daddy, not your uncle.  So when I ask "Who's your daddy?" you reply "You are!" 

I also noticed that you said you will provide me with 20% of your fortune.  I'm going to give you a quick lesson in America 101.  As your father I am entitled to 110% of all your money.  This means that I will recieve all 6.3 million dollars as well as 10% of any future income you make while working the streets. 

I should also inform you that I do not have a wife.  No need to worry though as I'm sure we'll get by just fine.  But I'm going to need you to start surfing the web so that you can learn about domestic chores like cooking, sewing and "deep throating it balls deep."  This will make up a good majority of your daily routine.  I can't wait to get you here so that I can introduce you to some of our wonderful American customs and traditions like tea bagging, mushroom stamping and atm.  You're going to love it here. 

Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you the really good news!  I've already found you a husband.  His name is IGY and he's going to teach you how to survive in this country as a "negro."  As you may know, many Africans have made a home in this country and have integrated quite nicely into American society.  Your husband will teach you about wonderful, wonderful things to help ease your transition.  You'll learn of things like slingin' dice, drive by's, malt liquor, welfare and bustin' caps in bitches asses.  It'll be fun. 

I know this must be a scary thing to do....leaving your homeland behind in search of a better life.  But because I'm a good dad I've thought of a way to help make you feel more at home.  That's why I've arranged for you to recieve a blood transfusion upon your arrival to America.  And the blood you'll be recieving is going to contain a little something called AIDS.  I understand that's pretty popular where you're from.  I had thought of getting you a car as a Welcome Home gift but I figured you'd be much happier with AIDS instead.  I hope you like it.  Just promise that you won't try to touch me.  Ever. 

Well, I'm off to secure travel to see you.  I just gotta find that stupid travelling gnome and choke him out until he gives me a good ticket price.   Oh, and that reminds me.  I'm a little short on cash now so I can only afford one ticket from Africa back to the states.  You don't mind riding in my duffel bag, do you?  It'd really make things go a lot more smoothly.

Hugs, kisses and AIDS to you, daughter.

Daddy

[Phanatic]

Ok, I got a reply back today from my rich African daughter. 

Dear Sir ******,

Thank you so much for your mail with hope all is well with you and other members of your family to the glory of Almighty God.Oh !,May the lord bless this day that I met you because you have acutally proved that you are a father.Words are not enough to express my sincere gratitude and happiness because,now I feel fufiled haveing someone like you.My heart is now at rest because your words have given me a lot of encouragement and hope and I feel now that I have my parents back to life.I have taken you and your wife as my parents promsing you that I will be loyal and honest to you all.I am also glad to hear from you and with hope that you have  young Children of my age hence I have found new brothers and sisters and will be glad to meeting with them soon.

l recieve your mail and l quite understood the contents of  the mail which l will really need your urgent and  honest assistance in helping me retriving this money from  the security company were it was deposited, you see my late father  deposited this fund in the security company without the knowledge of  any one,except me ,my father told me before his death that  incase of death, I should pray and find a trust worthy and  God fearing business  foriegn partner in oversea country of my choice for help,who will help me to transfer  this money to his account and secured  me a visa to leave our war zone Ivory Coast quickly for my  re-settlement and in conclusion of my educational pursuit ,this is the main reason  why i e-mail you,with this trust  that you will never betray me or let me down when my  father's life savings is transferred to you .It is legal  ,there is nothing to fear about,this is the reason why i will like you to contact the securty company as soon as i send you the contact of the security company information.

l thank you for promising to help me,please  uncle l need your urgent assistance  the major problem is for you to help me in securing this fund as my late  father's foriegn partner  for l have meet and discuss with  the security company for the release of the fund  to me being that, l  am the next of kin to it but they  confirm to me that my late father deposited the fund  in their securty company and  instructed that the co-beneficary would be a foriegn  partner in oversea which he never metion or introduce any  name to before his sudden death .The securty company , said they can  release the fund to me when i have appointed a foriegner  that would help me and also,they gave me the  security company contact information and advised me to give it  to whoever i  have choosen to help me stand as my late father's foriegn  partner/co-beneficiary to the fund.I will like you to contact them  as soon as you i send it to you immediately,Let them know that i have given you power to  stand as my father's business partner and that you will  take care of me in your country for the completion of my educational pursuit.

1)Sir, if i may ask, can you be able to come over here so that both of us will go to the security company together.

Please kindly reply and accept to help me and promise me that you will not betray me after this money is transfer into your account for l have map out 20% of the total sum as compensation for your honest ,sincern assistances ,effort/input after the  successful transfer of this fund into your nominated account to your country.
I am open to hear from you,
Thanks
Richeal Amana.

And my reply back...

Richeal,

I am relieved to hear that you are still ok.  My prayers for a rich, young, succulant 19 year old daughter with the IQ of a tennis racket went unanswered for months, perhaps even years.  But since God is fake, I reposted a bulletin on myspace within the allotted 5 minute time frame under the premise that I would recieve good news within 24 hours.  I can't believe it really worked.  (Thanks Tom, you rock!)

It seems that we've got to get a few things straight though before proceeding.  Nothing major, just a few technicalities we need to iron out.  First, I couldn't help but notice that you referred to me as "Uncle" during your last communication.  Understand that I'm your daddy, not your uncle.  So when I ask "Who's your daddy?" you reply "You are!" 

I also noticed that you said you will provide me with 20% of your fortune.  I'm going to give you a quick lesson in America 101.  As your father I am entitled to 110% of all your money.  This means that I will recieve all 6.3 million dollars as well as 10% of any future income you make while working the streets. 

I should also inform you that I do not have a wife.  No need to worry though as I'm sure we'll get by just fine.  But I'm going to need you to start surfing the web so that you can learn about domestic chores like cooking, sewing and "deep throating it balls deep."  This will make up a good majority of your daily routine.  I can't wait to get you here so that I can introduce you to some of our wonderful American customs and traditions like tea bagging, mushroom stamping and atm.  You're going to love it here. 

Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you the really good news!  I've already found you a husband.  His name is IGY and he's going to teach you how to survive in this country as a "negro."  As you may know, many Africans have made a home in this country and have integrated quite nicely into American society.  Your husband will teach you about wonderful, wonderful things to help ease your transition.  You'll learn of things like slingin' dice, drive by's, malt liquor, welfare and bustin' caps in bitches asses.  It'll be fun. 

I know this must be a scary thing to do....leaving your homeland behind in search of a better life.  But because I'm a good dad I've thought of a way to help make you feel more at home.  That's why I've arranged for you to recieve a blood transfusion upon your arrival to America.  And the blood you'll be recieving is going to contain a little something called AIDS.  I understand that's pretty popular where you're from.  I had thought of getting you a car as a Welcome Home gift but I figured you'd be much happier with AIDS instead.  I hope you like it.  Just promise that you won't try to touch me.  Ever. 

Well, I'm off to secure travel to see you.  I just gotta find that stupid travelling gnome and choke him out until he gives me a good ticket price.   Oh, and that reminds me.  I'm a little short on cash now so I can only afford one ticket from Africa back to the states.  You don't mind riding in my duffel bag, do you?  It'd really make things go a lot more smoothly.

Hugs, kisses and AIDS to you, daughter.

Daddy

[Diomedes]

Speaking of DUI, Steve McNair got popped for being a passenger in a car he owned because the driver of the car was driving drunk.

Yes - that's right, he was a PASSENGER and got arrested for allowing someone else to drive who was legally intoxicated.

Now that's retarded.

The driver refused a breathalyzer, which under law allows everyone in the car to be charged with DUI.

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

Sarge really goes the extra mile when farging with scam artists.

[Rome]

Speaking of DUI, Steve McNair got popped for being a passenger in a car he owned because the driver of the car was driving drunk.

Yes - that's right, he was a PASSENGER and got arrested for allowing someone else to drive who was legally intoxicated.

Now that's retarded.

The driver refused a breathalyzer, which under law allows everyone in the car to be charged with DUI.

Are you serious?  How the farg is that even possible?

Jesus... 

[BigEd76]

I've already found you a husband.  His name is IGY and he's going to teach you how to survive in this country as a "negro."  As you may know, many Africans have made a home in this country and have integrated quite nicely into American society.  Your husband will teach you about wonderful, wonderful things to help ease your transition.  You'll learn of things like slingin' dice, drive by's, malt liquor, welfare and bustin' caps in bitches asses.  It'll be fun.

[Seabiscuit36]

Sarge, YOU are my Hero.  That shtein was amazing 

[PhillyPhreak54]

Someone post that didn't read smiley for me.

[mussa]

Sarge, YOU are my Hero.  That shtein was amazing 

2nd. wow. 

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

This should make IGY and Dio happy