the random musings not worthy of new thread thread

[Sgt PSN]

ha.  awesome website. 

Original ad:
I need the help of a drywall expert to repair a large hole in our hallway wall. The hole is about three feet wide. You will need to bring all materials needed, but I will cover the cost. I can send pictures of the hole if requested.

Please respond with availability and a reasonable rate.
From Me to *************@*********.org

Hey,

I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole.

I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by?

-Dan

From Brittany ********* to Me

Hi Dan! Thanks for the quick response. Sounds good! I will forward this e-mail to my husband and he'll get back to you ASAP.
Thanks!
Brit

From Bryan ********* to Me
Dan,

My wife sent me your email, but I don't think she actually read/understood what you wrote. If you are serious, then we don't need your help. I hope that isn't how you actually repair things. Regardless, I will tell my wife to actually read the emails before sending them to me.

Regards,

Bryan

From Me to Bryan **********

Good afternoon Brian,

Your wife doesn't sound too smart. I was going to recommend Hooked on Phonics, but she seems to be capable of writing. I think she just does not have the ability to comprehend what she is reading. I have a cousin who is "slow", and there is this really good remedial school in Philly that he went to. They offer some classes that help with reading comprehension. If you want, I can look up the school and send the information to your wife.

- Dan

From Bryan ********* to Me

Heh heh, that might be just what she needs...

From Me to Bryan **********
CC: Brittany *********

Great! I'm forwarding our conversation to your wife, along with the school information.

The name of the school is "Smithbridge School for Special People," and you can call them at (***)-***-2195.

From Bryan ********* to Me

Oh boy...please don't...

From Brittany ********* to Me

What a jerk you are. Excuse me for being busy and quickly browsing through your letter. Go to hell!

From Me to Brittany *********

Brit, you should really consider this school. It might not seem like it, but they actually can help you. It did wonders for my cousin. He used to just stay at home with his aunt all day, but now he has a great job at McDonalds. Please, just give them a call.

-Dan

[PhillyGirl]

The Duggars are expecting their 19th spawn.

So now the grandchild will be older than her uncle/aunt.

Nauseating.

[Munson]

[Rome]

The Duggars are expecting their 19th spawn.

So now the grandchild will be older than her uncle/aunt.

Nauseating.

who the farg are the duggars and why hasn't someone sterilized both of them yet?

[Diomedes]

fundie nutbags on teevee and, because it's a free goddamn country

[reese125]

cute scene over in California

http://www.life.com/image/90176546/in-gallery/33172/updated-california-in-flames

[Rome]

fundie nutbags on teevee and, because it's a free goddamn country

[BigEd76]

that family has the super sperm [/method man].  Their daughter-in-law never even kissed a guy until her wedding day a year ago and she's due next month.  Yep....their youngest will be 5 months younger than their 1st grandchild.  Arkansas rules...

[Yeti]

I find myself attracted to big fat girls lately.  Is that wrong, or just a phase?

[rjs246]

It's wrong. Very very wrong. Fat people are evil.

[rjs246]

And not in the sexy way.

[Rome]

Pretty sure I'd farg the shtein out of this whore...

[rjs246]

Just because a woman appear to be whorish and available for sex does not in fact make her sexy. Or anything other than a fat tramp as the case may be.

[Rome]

Speaking specifically about the broad I posted a photo of, she's definitely hot as hell.  Is she overweight according to most nimrods ridiculously unrealistic standards?  Sure.  But she's a classically hot American blond dressed up to look like a slutty funhole who would farg your face off.

So... in short...

Hit?  Damn straight.

[General_Failure]

Photoshop is a wonderful thing.