Chuck Norris Hates You

Tomahawk · January 19, 2006, 09:16:39 AM

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Zanshin · January 19, 2006, 09:23:03 AM

I don't know why...but that's damn funny.

Phanatic · January 19, 2006, 09:54:29 AM

Quote
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

MURP · January 19, 2006, 09:56:16 AM

Feva · January 19, 2006, 11:01:49 AM

QuoteFool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will farg you up.

phattymatty · January 19, 2006, 11:14:12 AM

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Sgt PSN · January 19, 2006, 11:23:50 AM

QuoteContrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

I don't know why but I can't stop laughing at this.

rjs246 · January 19, 2006, 11:39:45 AM

Is Chuck Norris a mammal?

Zanshin · January 19, 2006, 12:05:11 PM

He's a manimal.

Phanatic · January 19, 2006, 12:12:08 PM

Quote
An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Why are these so funny? I can't stop!!

MURP · January 19, 2006, 12:31:48 PM

QuoteWhen Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

mussa · January 19, 2006, 12:44:31 PM

QuoteTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

QuoteIn the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Quoteittle known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb

QuoteChuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

QuoteSticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

PhillyPhanInDC · January 19, 2006, 01:16:57 PM

QuoteChuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

QuoteSomeone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

QuoteChuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Feva · January 19, 2006, 01:24:15 PM

QuoteThere are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

QuoteChuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

QuoteChuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

QuoteChuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

QuoteIn the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

rjs246 · January 19, 2006, 01:30:54 PM

QuoteOn his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.