Cowboys fans...

[M-F Cowboys Fan]

Are you capable of sticking a loaded gun in your mouth and pulling the trigger?

If not, make sure you press it firmly against your temple and do thusly...

There would be several difficulties involved in doing what you suggest, beginning with the fact that I don't have a gun.

[Rome]

Well, you live in Texas so someone you know undoubtedly has one you can borrow.

[M-F Cowboys Fan]

Well, you live in Texas so someone you know undoubtedly has one you can borrow.

I know someone who has a paintball gun.

[General_Failure]

That'll work at point blank range.

[M-F Cowboys Fan]

That'll work at point blank range.

Not necessarily. For instance, that same person I know who has that paintball gun was once shot in the eye with a paintball (idiot wasn't wearing safety gear), but he's OK. Didn't even lose his sight from that eye.

[General_Failure]

You need a friend with a more powerful paintball gun. None of those ladies model paintball guns.

[M-F Cowboys Fan]

You need a friend with a more powerful paintball gun. None of those ladies model paintball guns.

He didn't get shot with his own gun. As I said, he's an idiot, but not that much of one.

But anyway, assuming that I acquire a gun, there are other problems. I don't want to kill myself, for one. I like being alive. What would I gain from being dead?

So if you want me to die, you would have to come here and do it yourself. That means committing murder in Texas. And any jury in Texas would sentence you to death in a heartbeat. Just think of the aggravating factors... Totally premeditated. Coming all the way to Texas to commit a hate crime... An Eagles fan... Killing a Cowboys fan... And Texas is one of the states that does actually follow through and execute people.

[General_Failure]

It amazes me how many people get caught in Texas. It's a big flat state with lots of room for burying bodies.

[Diomedes]

Not to mention it's full of Texas cops.  We know first hand what kind of garbage those fools are.

[General_Failure]

And then there's Walker: Texas Ranger to jumpkick you in the throat if you get out of line.

[Rome]

Alex Cahill is pretty hot, though.