Joke Thread 10

[ParkingLotFlagDude]

Why don't blind people sky dive?


Because it scares their dogs.

I had a couple good ones, but some people may take offense to it so I shall not say them.

I doubt most people on this board would take offense to your blind people jokes,  hell most of the blind folks I know dont even read this board.

[mussa]

A 6 year old walks into the kitchen where his mom is cooking and says, Mom the last few nights I woke up to this thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I look to see what it is, you're sitting on top of dad and bouncing up and down. Why are you doing that?

The startled mother tries to recover quickly and says Your dad is a little over weight and I'm trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him. the kid shakes his head and says, You're wasting your time, When you go to work the lady next door comes over and blows him right back up again.

[Diomedes]

I dropped this one in another thread, but I like it so much I'll leave it here, too:

Q: What is a Freudian slip?

A: It's when you mean one thing but you say your mother.

[Sgt PSN]

There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and jumps. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says " I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute".

The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag ..."

Would it have been too much to ask for you to atleast update the joke?   

[Sgt PSN]

Why do farts smell?

So the deaf can enjoy them too.

You already posted that in one of the old joke threads.  Putz. 

[General_Failure]

Who died and made you the Joke Police?

[Sgt PSN]

The previous Joke Police Chief, who's now dead.  Duh. 

[RezRob]

What did the hot blonde say to the Michael Jackson at the beach???


Get out of my son!     

[MadMarchHare]

What did the hot blonde say to the Michael Jackson at the beach???


Get out of my son!     

Yeah, like there's a hot blond who has kids......

[stillupfront]

A guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm, sees his wife and says with a sneer: "this is the pig I have been farging for the last five years." His wife says: "you're so stupid! That's not a pig, it's a duck." He says: " I was talking to the duck."

[Butchers Bill]

Q: Whats the difference between a zit and a priest?


A: The zit waits until you're 13 to come on your face.

[hbionic]

Q: What's the differance between T-Hawk and a catholic boy?


A: Nothing if you like swallowing a priest's load.

[Diomedes]

Q. What is the President's position on Roe vs. Wade?

A. Bush doesn't really care how you get out of New Orleans.

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his
round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie the second. On the third
hole he had just scored his first ever hole in one when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible
accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.. The man told the
doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon
as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up
to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more
holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up finishing all eighteen. He finished his round shooting a personal best
61 shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game
by more than 10. He was jubilant, then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and
asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
round of golf didn't you? -  I hope you're proud of yourself! - While you
were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your
wife has been languishing in the ICU! Its just as well you went ahead and
finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the
rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care - And you'll be her
care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor started to snicker and said, "Just kidding - She died more than
two hours ago - What'd you shoot?"

[MDS]

good one, ff.