Old Jokes, New Thread

Started by hbionic, October 13, 2006, 02:27:45 PM

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SunMo

#30
February 22, 2007, 03:23:16 PM
i desperately want you to fall down a set of stairs
I'm the Anti-Christ. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood.

Diomedes

#31
February 22, 2007, 03:34:38 PM
chain email/joke I got today:

QuoteI never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on a couple different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy both. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I replied, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." - Yosemite Park Ranger

Feva

#32
February 22, 2007, 03:39:44 PM
Why does Mike Tyson always have tears in his eyes when he makes love to a woman?
















Mace.
"Now I'm completing up the other half of that triangle" - Emmitt Smith on joining Troy Aikman and Michael Irvin in the Hall of Fame

"If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is that considered rape or shoplifting?" -- 2 Live Stews

methdeez

#33
February 22, 2007, 03:48:35 PM
What did the mexican say when his house fell one him?



Get off me, homes!


What did he say when his term paper blew away?



Come back, essay!

rjs246

#34
February 22, 2007, 03:58:55 PM
F-
Is rjs gonna have to choke a bitch?

Let them eat bootstraps.

Zanshin

#35
February 22, 2007, 04:07:15 PM
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?


Full.

MDS

#36
February 22, 2007, 05:13:25 PM
I hope you all get vanerial diseases.
Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. I'm sick of playing second fiddle. I'm always third in line for everything. I'm tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

Diomedes

#37
March 03, 2007, 10:28:36 PM
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts.  This is considered a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." - Yosemite Park Ranger

mussa

#38
March 03, 2007, 10:43:19 PM
Why don't black parents let their kids play in the sandbox?







Their afraid the cat will bury them...
Official Sponsor of The Fire Andy Reid Club
"We be plundering the High Sequence Seas For the hidden Treasures of Conservation"

PoopyfaceMcGee

#39
March 22, 2007, 10:43:13 AM
What do you get when you cross pumpkins and rabbis together?


ORANGE JEWS!

hbionic

#40
March 22, 2007, 02:00:35 PM
Quote from: FastFreddie on March 22, 2007, 10:43:13 AM
What do you get when you cross pumpkins and rabbis together?


ORANGE JEWS!

kill yourself
I said watch the game and you will see my spirit manifest.-ILLEAGLE 02/04/05

PoopyfaceMcGee

#41
March 22, 2007, 03:06:54 PM
Why can't you appreciate a delightful pun?

Diomedes

#42
March 22, 2007, 03:33:04 PM
that's not a pun
There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." - Yosemite Park Ranger

PoopyfaceMcGee

#43
March 22, 2007, 03:39:59 PM
yuh huh

Diomedes

#44
March 22, 2007, 03:45:05 PM
it may be a pun by the weaker definition of "sounds like" but that's lame ass
There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." - Yosemite Park Ranger
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