Old Jokes, New Thread

[Phanatic]

Obscenity...  the crutch of inarticulate mother fargers.

[Munson]

What did Tennesee?
She saw what Arkansaw

[Sgt PSN]

Die.

[hbionic]

Die.

I don't get that one.

[Feva]

What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair.

[Phanatic]

Why don't congressmen use bookmarks?  They bend the pages over.

[Sgt PSN]

Nice, Phanatic.   

[Yeti]

A farmer from Vermont and a rancher from Texas are standing on the Vermont farmers property.  "How big is your spread pard?" asks the rancher.  "I own down to yonder tree line, over to the big rock and out to the road." the farmer replys.  The rancher chuckles.  "To see my spread I have to get in my truck and drive two hours east, turn left, drive over the mountians and another hour north, turn left, drive four hours west, turn south drive back over the mountians turn east and if I drive fast enough I can make it home for dinner." 

The Vermonter says

"I had a truck like that once."

[Munson]

Die.

Well I'm under the impression that this is a thread for bad jokes, which I have book-fulls of. But maybe I'm just finding the other jokes in this thread not funny.

What did Delaware?
She wore her New Jersey.

[Sgt PSN]

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:

"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me.
I love you,
Your Father"

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:

"Beloved Father,
Please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too,
Ahmed"

At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son.

"Beloved Father,
I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."

[Phanatic]

So I called in sick the other day but my boss said I didn't sound sick. So I told him I had just farged my sister and asked him if that was sick enough for him.....

So anyone hiring?

[hbionic]

Q: What does a Cuban do when he his tire pops?

A: He Drowns.

[Diomedes]

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game.  They had great seats, right behind their team's bench.  After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, at the start of the game they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:  'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

Delightful pun!

[PoopyfaceMcGee]

For Romey:

Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?

Because his teacher was Haydn!