Drunk Stories

[MadMarchHare]

We had a bachelor's party in DC a few years back (1998 in think).  It started out pretty tame, laser tag and Hooters for dinner.  We get back to the apartment, and shots of Scotch with Bigfoot Barleywine Ale chasers start making the rounds.  I remember the stripper showing up, and whipping the groom with his belt, because the Best Man said that was too over the top.  I don't remember much else, I have a vague memory of the stripper grabbing my tool on her way to get dressed....

Then I remember being wakened by the groom (passed out one the couch).  He wanted my help getting a friend of ours off the balcony.  He'd just had back surgery, and was sleeping on the central air unit.  He had puked over the balcony several times, it was quite a mess.  We had a helluva time getting him in the apartment, said the unit was "comfortable".  Waiting in line to puke in the abused toilet sucked.  A lot.

By morning, no one looked too good.  Best man had 3 dozen eggs to make breakfast with.  Still had them uncooked when I left.

[SD_Eagle5]

I'll post this one since Phreak and Z were there. I met up with a bunch of people off the EMB in 2002 to see the Eagles take on the Rams with AJ Feeley at the helm. Needless to say, it was freezing out, and the one thing that warmed me up was beer. I probably had close to 3 six packs or so when Beermonkey showed up with a gallon of Alabama Slammer. After that, I was annihilated. Our seats were in the 700 level and I think it was the 3rd quarter or so when I got up to use the bathroom. I took a spill ass first down the 700 level steps, didn't spill a drop of beer, and got up to do the E-A-G-L-E-S chant with the guy in our section. What a proud moment. The next day I had a roughly 6x6 bleeding welt on my ass and a sore talibone. God Bless you guys.

[PhillyPhreak54]

That day was great!

I was so piss drunk that I didn't even realize ND Kalu had 4 sacks. I remember turning to you guys and saying "ND Kalu had 4 sacks? I don't remember one!"

[SD_Eagle5]

That day was great!

I was so piss drunk that I didn't even realize ND Kalu had 4 sacks. I remember turning to you guys and saying "ND Kalu had 4 sacks? I don't remember one!"

And I remember asking you about 4 times if the Giants lost to the Titans. I thought you were going to slap me. hahahaha. Remember that tool sitting in front of us that I spilled beer on?

[PhillyPhreak54]

Haha! I remember asking that too! "Dude...diiiid thuuuuh giannnnnts looose"?!?

I remember that guy too. He was a weasel with two hot chicks and he ignored them because he was more worried about his headphones. I wanted to punch him when he kept looking back at you like he wanted to fight. I think thats why EE and my aunt suggested that we change seats.

[Tomahawk]

I made the mistake of becoming enamored with a drink recipe from the renowned sheep farger "Tomahawk" called an El Nino. I had been drinking these shots for about a year and getting pretty much horizontal at my neighborhood establishments. After this year was up, I took the formula to the west coast on a business trip. The recipe was modified by the bartender in Newport to replace the Captain Morgans with Bacardi 151. Now here is the problem. These shots can be consumed very rapidly with very little alcohol affects felt immediately. I ordered several rounds and we all consumed them. After 6-8 shots no one wanted anymore even though there were two shakers full on the bar. I called them a bunch of Hoydas and proceeded to drink both shakers in the next 10 minutes. I really don't remember much after that but this is what was told to me. I beat up a 19 year old kid who had no ID and was denied booze. Evidently he gave my bartender friend a hard time about not serving him. So I beat him to a pulp in the alley out back. I puked on my bosses brand new Bruno Maglis. I knocked down all the stalls in the men's room because someone was in my favorite stall. I lost $700 playing fooseball. My friend payed a cab driver $100 to get me back to my hotel and make sure I got in the door. I don't have even a vague memory of any of these antics. I woke up 2 days later and had to buy a news paper to be convinced it was Saturday nad not Friday.

I told you to be careful with that shtein. "El Nino - it's a tropical weather storm in your head."

Since the seal has already been broken with the piss stories, I'll share mine:

I was a senior in high school when a buddy's parents bought us a keg of the newly invented Icehouse. After drinking enough, mostly via kegstands, to kill a lesser man, I finally pass out somewhere. I don't remember a buddy waking me up asking me, "WHAT THE farg ARE YOU DOING." To which I apparently replied, "I'm farging pissing. What the farg does it look like I'm doing." Unfortunately, I was pissing in my buddies freezer. Fortunately, the ice tray was at dick height.

When we were all finally awake, the guy who woke me started to tell me what happened, but cut himself off mid-story to ask a couple of other friends where the got the ice for their pops at. They told us how it was weird that they had to chip away at the ice to break it apart. They were pretty upset when he told us why. To this day, when I ask one of them how my piss tastes, he still gets pretty pissed.

[mussa]

hhahaha jesus frickin christ 

[rjs246]

This thread seems to be the official 'this one time I got so drunk and...' thread. Not shockingly I have lots of these stories, but prefer to tell them off the cuff so I probably won't be pitching in to this thread.

Having said that, please keep telling your stories. Good entertainment.

[Yeti]

There are several very entertaining stories in this thread.  If I had to pick a winner so far, Thawks story had me pissin myself.

But not in an icetray

This thread seems to be the official 'this one time I got so drunk and...' thread. Not shockingly I have lots of these stories, but prefer to tell them off the cuff so I probably won't be pitching in to this thread.

Having said that, please keep telling your stories. Good entertainment.

Contribute to this tread or I will beat you with your fake arm.

[Tomahawk]

Technically and thankfully, I didn't piss myself either.

[thrillhouse]

I made the mistake of becoming enamored with a drink recipe from the renowned sheep farger "Tomahawk" called an El Nino. I had been drinking these shots for about a year and getting pretty much horizontal at my neighborhood establishments. After this year was up, I took the formula to the west coast on a business trip. The recipe was modified by the bartender in Newport to replace the Captain Morgans with Bacardi 151. Now here is the problem. These shots can be consumed very rapidly with very little alcohol affects felt immediately. I ordered several rounds and we all consumed them. After 6-8 shots no one wanted anymore even though there were two shakers full on the bar. I called them a bunch of Hoydas and proceeded to drink both shakers in the next 10 minutes. I really don't remember much after that but this is what was told to me. I beat up a 19 year old kid who had no ID and was denied booze. Evidently he gave my bartender friend a hard time about not serving him. So I beat him to a pulp in the alley out back. I puked on my bosses brand new Bruno Maglis. I knocked down all the stalls in the men's room because someone was in my favorite stall. I lost $700 playing fooseball. My friend payed a cab driver $100 to get me back to my hotel and make sure I got in the door. I don't have even a vague memory of any of these antics. I woke up 2 days later and had to buy a news paper to be convinced it was Saturday nad not Friday.

I told you to be careful with that shtein. "El Nino - it's a tropical weather storm in your head."

Since the seal has already been broken with the piss stories, I'll share mine:

I was a senior in high school when a buddy's parents bought us a keg of the newly invented Icehouse. After drinking enough, mostly via kegstands, to kill a lesser man, I finally pass out somewhere. I don't remember a buddy waking me up asking me, "WHAT THE farg ARE YOU DOING." To which I apparently replied, "I'm farging pissing. What the farg does it look like I'm doing." Unfortunately, I was pissing in my buddies freezer. Fortunately, the ice tray was at dick height.

When we were all finally awake, the guy who woke me started to tell me what happened, but cut himself off mid-story to ask a couple of other friends where the got the ice for their pops at. They told us how it was weird that they had to chip away at the ice to break it apart. They were pretty upset when he told us why. To this day, when I ask one of them how my piss tastes, he still gets pretty pissed.

So what exactly is in the El Nino?  I just might have to give it try.

"El Nino, which means, THE NINO!"

[Tomahawk]

• 2 Parts Captain Morgan Private Stock (Captain Morgan is an acceptable substitute, especially if the Private Stock is too sweet for you)
• 1 Part Malibu (or Parrot Bay)
• 1 Part Bacardi Limon
• 1 Part Midori (Watermelon Schnapps is NOT an acceptable substitute)

Top it off with orange juice (or pineapple juice if you're feeling tropical), shake well, disregard the putrid color, and enjoy.

[stalker]

I've been known tgo replace the Captain Morgan with 151. Be prepared for the after effects if you do, the day after is a complete loss if you do. If you do it seven times, you waste a week of your life.

[thrillhouse]

Alrighty thanks guys.

I'll let you know how it goes.

[hbionic]

Ok...since I'm a beer drinker and occasional liqour drinker....when you say 'parts'...is that a 1/4, 1/2 or full ounce of said liqour?