Leaving for a long time (Attention whore thread :) )

[DutchBird]

Serious question:

What made you decide to adopt overseas?  Problems with american adoption agencies?  Cost?  Concern about helping children in dire circumstances?

Once again, best of luck.

In order, yes, no, and yes.

The biggest issue is the problems with American adoptions where the birth parents never really lose their rights to the child.  Granted, it's rare, but if the birth parents want it bad enough, they can force the courts to have the adoptive parents surrender the child to the birth parents, which isn't good for anyone except the parents who gave up the child in the first place.  In Russian and Ukrainian adoptions (the only ones I know anything about), the parents sign an order that removes all future rights to the child.  No matter what happens in the future, or how bad she wants to reverse her decision, it can't be done.  The adoption records are sealed, and cannot be opened once we are legally the parents.  The cost is high for international adoption, so that actually favors US adoptions.  We also wanted to be able to provide something to a child that otherwise had little chance at a normal life, but that also applies to US adoptions.  So, what it all comes down to after the desire to adopt (for us) was not having a chance at becoming a Lifetime movie of the week years from now.

I hope I am not invadiing your privacy too much, but this leaves me with two questions, one of them very peronal. So if you would not like to answer them, that is fine by me.

What will you do when the child finds out it is adopted (assuming there is no obvious difference like a child with a different skin-color as the parents), or will tell  the child eventually?

Is there the possibilty for the child to find out about his/her biological parents if he/she finds out he/she is adopted? I myself am not adopted, but a frequent desire I have heared of by people if the find out that one or both of his/her parents is/are not their biol;ogical parents, they would like to know where their roots are, and some of their personality comes from.

Again, if you do not feel like answering, just don't answer.  Anyway, I hope all works out.

[Father Demon]

Serious question:

What made you decide to adopt overseas?  Problems with american adoption agencies?  Cost?  Concern about helping children in dire circumstances?

Once again, best of luck.

In order, yes, no, and yes.

The biggest issue is the problems with American adoptions where the birth parents never really lose their rights to the child.  Granted, it's rare, but if the birth parents want it bad enough, they can force the courts to have the adoptive parents surrender the child to the birth parents, which isn't good for anyone except the parents who gave up the child in the first place.  In Russian and Ukrainian adoptions (the only ones I know anything about), the parents sign an order that removes all future rights to the child.  No matter what happens in the future, or how bad she wants to reverse her decision, it can't be done.  The adoption records are sealed, and cannot be opened once we are legally the parents.  The cost is high for international adoption, so that actually favors US adoptions.  We also wanted to be able to provide something to a child that otherwise had little chance at a normal life, but that also applies to US adoptions.  So, what it all comes down to after the desire to adopt (for us) was not having a chance at becoming a Lifetime movie of the week years from now.

I hope I am not invadiing your privacy too much, but this leaves me with two questions, one of them very peronal. So if you would not like to answer them, that is fine by me.

What will you do when the child finds out it is adopted (assuming there is no obvious difference like a child with a different skin-color as the parents), or will tell  the child eventually?

Is there the possibilty for the child to find out about his/her biological parents if he/she finds out he/she is adopted? I myself am not adopted, but a frequent desire I have heared of by people if the find out that one or both of his/her parents is/are not their biol;ogical parents, they would like to know where their roots are, and some of their personality comes from.

Again, if you do not feel like answering, just don't answer.  Anyway, I hope all works out.

I don't mind answering questions at all.  If someone stepped over the line, I'd tell them.  But honest questions are OK...

We will absolutely tell her that she is adopted.  With 2 older brothers (ages 8 and 10), there's no way it could stay a secret even if we wanted to.

We are taking lots of pictures, videos, and collecting momentos of our stay in Ukraine so that we can share all of that with her when she starts getting curious.  We are also maintaining a blog so that when she is old enough, she can read all about our journey and learn what the process was like.  If she wants to learn about her natural parents when she is old enough, all we will be able to share is what we learned from the adoption records.  There is no way to get the name and address of her mother, since the records are sealed.  Of course, who knows what the laws will be like in 15 years or so, but that's the way it is now.  As far as her heritage and stuff, I plan on coming back to Ukraine with her when she is about 14 or 15 for several weeks, to help her learn as much as she can. 

My wife and I plan on being completely honest and open with her about everything we went through, and about her birth mother (luckily, there is nothing to hide about her like is the case with so many Ukrainian orphans).  Hopefully, that will be enough to satisfy her.

[Father Demon]

Back to attention-whoring again.

The first trip didn't go as smoothly as planned.  There were government issues (in Ukraine) and procedural issues that stopped adoptions for all the families that were over there.  There were 40 American families in mid-adoption (like us), plus about 60 other couples from other countries that all had to go home without a child.  We have a child as far as paperwork goes, but we legally don'thave her yet.  There were over 100 couples that had to leave Ukraine without having a child selected.

So, the US and other countries put some pressure on the Ukraine government to get things fixed up, and a bill was signed this week in Ukraine to do just that. 

My wife and I are leaving on Tuesday (I get to see the Super Bowl at least!) to go back on our second trip, and this time we will absolutely come back with our beautiful, healthy, 18-month old daughter.  Should be about a three week trip.

[Sgt PSN]

Good luck attention whore. 

[MDS]

You should've snatched a kid while you were there to tell them you mean business.

[MadMarchHare]

Pics?

[rjs246]

You should've snatched a kid while you were there to tell them you mean business.

I'm not one to throw around unwarranted compliments, but this was rather funny.

[MDS]

Needle in a haystack!

[Geowhizzer]

Good luck, Demon. 

[Father Demon]

Well, we made it home yesterday -- this time with our daughter!  It's been a long journey started about 20 months ago, but it all came to a happy conclusion yesterday when we walked out of St. Louis airport with a new daughter and her two new brothers. 

Thanks to all who wrote and commented, and thanks for all the well-wishes!

[BigEd76]

 

[MDS]

Very nice. Develop an Al Bundy/Kelly Bundy relationship.

[PhillyGirl]

CONGRATS!!!!!!!

[Sgt PSN]

Congrats Demon!  Glad you guys made it home ok.  And I suppose congrats are in order for Phanatic too since he's got a new neice.  Just don't let her ride home with him after any Eagles games otherwise the poor kid might get frostbite. 

[Geowhizzer]

Congrats!