What Would Tyler Durden Do?

[Feva]

Kelly Cartman

Through unknown means, Kelly Clarkson was hoisted onto KIIS FM's main stage for their Wango Tango concert in LA this weekend, where she moo'd out her big hit song, "My Life Would Suck Without You."  Unfortunately some of the fans were yelling, "We Love Kelly", which sounds like "We Love Jelly" if you happen to love jelly, and that reminded Kelly of biscuits, so the next 25 minutes just had Kelly on stage with her eyes closed and eating imaginary biscuits until an army of super-powered stage hands forklifted her out back.  In other words the show went much better than expected.

Yuck...

[mussa]

never found her attractive. she had trailer trash written all over her from the start

[Diomedes]

This thread sucks goat dick.

[rjs246]

If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem.

[Eagaholic]

I'm not getting this. Is sucking goat dick the problem or a possible solution?

[hbionic]

What would Jesus Opine?

[Rome]

The latest from WWTTD:

[Diomedes]

who dat ass?

[rjs246]

David Carradine

[phattymatty]

this has pretty much been my motto for a while now...

If you're trusting that the 15-year-old prostitute you picked up in a foreign land can undue your life threatening knots while her tiny hands are covered in astroglide and semen, it's possible you didn't really think this plan all the way through.

[ice grillin you]

who dat ass?

[Rome]

Melissa Joan Hart was a celebrity according to wikipedia, and this weeks People magazine confirms it.  She's on the cover, and my sources tell me it's because a horrifying photo (above) led the Sabrina star, 33, to take control.  So she lost 42 LBS!  This comeback is very important to Melissa, and no punkass cancer patient better get in her way.

    (Melissa) was overheard off-camera at KTLA in Los Angeles on Friday saying how she'd been hoping last week that cancer-stricken Farrah Fawcett wouldn't die — and thus bump Hart off the cover of People magazine.

It's too bad that Farrah had to go and selfishly live, because if she died Melissa might be desperate enough to have done a "Weekend at Bernies" thing and stole her corpse and put some sunglasses on her and then driven around town in a convertible.   She could force a broom through the bottom of her passenger seat and then push Farrah down on that to keep her upright like when you roast a turkey, then hook a stick to Farrahs hand so she could make her wave.  Another good idea would be to have a tape that says, "Hi, good to see you too.  Yes I feel great thank you for asking."  Then Melissa would need to drive away very fast because that may or may not be what the person asked.

Holy shtein.

[Rome]

Jennifer Garner visited her daughters school in Santa Monica today, and despite the fact that she's an instantly recognizable actress who is married to a very famous actor, when they gave her a sticker to wear as a name tag, she actually wore it (it says "Jennifer Affleck" if you cant tell).

And yes I realize that's completely normal behavior and that's the point. In Hollywood that's astounding. Do you really think someone like Jennifer Aniston would do this? She'd rather die. Unless you wrote Jennifer Pitt on it, in which case she'd put it on immediately and then curl up on the floor and cry. Hahaha! We should do that! I hate that bitch!

Awesome.

[Rome]

How farging awesome is this guy?