I was walking around town today & joked with a friend about some girl wanting to get hit with a flurry of 12-inch penises from every angle, when I turned & found that some middle-aged woman was walking about 2 feet next to me & had a smile on her face like someone stuck a feather up her ass. This made me think about all the strange shtein that I sometimes overhear & laugh off.
I was waiting for my train at Market East today & I heard the following phone argument from the Indian guy working in the Silver Jewelry kiosk:
"Look motherfarger, I knew Denzel Washington from acting school. That's what I fargin told you already"
While this was nowhere near the same level that I heard at Walmart few years ago, when some hick said "Look at that sale on dog food. I wish we had a dog.", I was curious what other comments people get exposed to.
Post them or your smarmy attempts at humor here!
Quote"Look at that sale on dog food. I wish we had a dog."
:-D
I was 12 and at the pet store in Christiana Mall. There was a parrot there who started to fall off the pvc pipe tree they had and he said "Oh shtein, i almost farging fell"
One of my co-workers has an African Grey. When it sees the dogs come in the living room, it yells, "Kitchen! Get in the kitchen! farging dogs." It also sings the Raiders of the Lost Ark music. Parrots rule.
A flaming gay man on his cellphone a few days ago, crossing Tenth Ave @ 15th Street:
"L.A. was great....Which boy?... Oh, him! Yeah. He calls himself H.Bionic...I know, G-A-Y!!...anyway, his lips were magic, just magic!"
This wasn't a comment but it was funny as hell, I was at Lancaster General Hospital to visit a friend who had been in a car accident. Another friend and I are walking through the lobby and outside the gift shop stood a very tall Amish dude with his midget Amish wife, as they stood there a doctor walked by and one of them just completely ripped ass. My friend and I had a few beers before we went in so needless to say we could not stop laughing we had to run into the bathroom and we were literally on the floor for 5 minutes.
Quote from: Drunkmasterflex on June 30, 2006, 08:49:39 AM
This wasn't a comment but it was funny as hell, I was at Lancaster General Hospital to visit a friend who had been in a car accident. Another friend and I are walking through the lobby and outside the gift shop stood a very tall Amish dude with his midget Amish wife, as they stood there a doctor walked by and one of them just completely ripped ass. My friend and I had a few beers before we went in so needless to say we could not stop laughing we had to run into the bathroom and we were literally on the floor for 5 minutes.
so you tailgated before visiting a friend in the hospital?
:-D
Quote from: Wingspan on June 30, 2006, 08:51:59 AM
Quote from: Drunkmasterflex on June 30, 2006, 08:49:39 AM
This wasn't a comment but it was funny as hell, I was at Lancaster General Hospital to visit a friend who had been in a car accident. Another friend and I are walking through the lobby and outside the gift shop stood a very tall Amish dude with his midget Amish wife, as they stood there a doctor walked by and one of them just completely ripped ass. My friend and I had a few beers before we went in so needless to say we could not stop laughing we had to run into the bathroom and we were literally on the floor for 5 minutes.
so you tailgated before visiting a friend in the hospital?
:-D
Yeah pretty much, it is tough to see one of your friends banged up like that so we decided we should "dull the pain".
not a conversation overheard, but a situaion in philly
i had a homeless crackheaded woman offer me romanace inside her mouth one time in center city waiting for someone to pick me up. she was persistent let me tell you. she was up in my face and she accidently spit in my face while talking and I freaked out and told her to get the farg out of my face. it was fargin disgusting. i should of sent her to hell right there.
mussa got snowballed. ha ha
lol. farger :puke
So my buddy and I went to watch Superman today and we get there a little early to get a seat, the theater was already filled in pretty good so we had to sit on the side seats. It was no big deal because they were still good seats, this lady comes around the corner dragging her 5-6 year old son, as she was doing this she pulled him head first into the hand rail...ping the kid starts crying.
I of course start to laugh because it was funny as hell, she rubs his head and tells him it will be alright and they start walking up the steps as soon as they start ping he fargin walks into the hand rail himself. It was hard as hell, it had to have hurt by this time I am laughing so hard I can't breathe and have tears streaming from my eyes. My buddy said me laughing made the kid cry harder and the mom send evil glares my way, I was laughing so hard I couldn't see. She then decides to sit down right behind us, so I as best I could told my buddy we shoudl move. The whole way over to the otherside of the theater we were busting out loud laughing. I know I am probably going to hell for this but is was the funniest thing that I have seen in a long time.
And Superman was excellent by the way.
overheard in NYC (http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/pages/mostpopular.html)
QuoteBlond Tourist Bimbo: I've never even heard of the G Train.
Blond Local Bimbo: Yeah, it's a ghetto train.
Blond Tourist Bimbo: Where does it go?
Blond Local Bimbo: Nowhere.
Black eight-year-old boy: Except my home, bitch.
--G train Hoyt/Schermerhorn station
QuoteCoworker #1: So what've you been up to?
Coworker #2: The usual. Just whacked off.
Coworker #1: Dude, you're on speakerphone.
a bum in downtown dc while rummaging thru a trash can and coming upon a discarded half of a hot dog: "someone must have thrown it away because of all the ants on it"
two arab guys on my commuter train while reading a newspaper advertisment:
arab #1 "these people stand behind their furniture for six months"
arab #2 "why would man wanna stand behind couch for SIX MONTHS!!"
There's welcome home banners hanging up all over the place here whenever Marines return home from deployment. On my way to work this morning I spotted this one hanging outside the main gate:
"Welcome Home LCpl Jones. I'm going to eat ur cookie!"
That's classy.
My most recent instance of this... Walking through the mall over this past weekend, we passed a nice young family. Just as we were walking by, the ~3-year-old girl looks up at her mom and says, "Daddy has a penis!"
Oh, and BTW...
Quote from: mussa on June 30, 2006, 10:00:26 AM
not a conversation overheard, but a situaion in philly
i had a homeless crackheaded woman offer me romanace inside her mouth one time in center city waiting for someone to pick me up. she was persistent let me tell you. she was up in my face and she accidently spit in my face while talking and I freaked out and told her to get the farg out of my face. it was fargin disgusting. i should of sent her to hell right there.
This has absolutely nothing to do with this thread. Great work as usual. u rly should
of sent her 2 hell lol.
At the theaters I guess 6-7 months ago
Guy: "Well... what did it taste like?"
Girl: "It tasted like stale pineapples."
Quote from: FastFreddie on June 20, 2007, 08:36:28 AM
My most recent instance of this... Walking through the mall over this past weekend, we passed a nice young family. Just as we were walking by, the ~3-year-old girl looks up at her mom and says, "Daddy has a penis!"
Get ready - you're about 2½ years away from that little gem yourself. ;)
Quote from: FastFreddie on June 20, 2007, 08:36:28 AM
My most recent instance of this... Walking through the mall over this past weekend, we passed a nice young family. Just as we were walking by, the ~3-year-old girl looks up at her mom and says, "Daddy has a penis!"
There is not a doubt in my mind that you completely made that up.
Fat black woman in our office building on a cell phone: "WELL YOU GOIN TO GRANDMA'S CAUSE SHE GOT MY FOOD."
Quote from: Wingspan on June 20, 2007, 10:38:15 AM
Quote from: FastFreddie on June 20, 2007, 08:36:28 AM
My most recent instance of this... Walking through the mall over this past weekend, we passed a nice young family. Just as we were walking by, the ~3-year-old girl looks up at her mom and says, "Daddy has a penis!"
There is not a doubt in my mind that you completely made that up.
Wrong. Trust me, if I were making it up, it would me a lot more interesting.
Quote from: Wingspan on June 20, 2007, 10:38:15 AM
Quote from: FastFreddie on June 20, 2007, 08:36:28 AM
My most recent instance of this... Walking through the mall over this past weekend, we passed a nice young family. Just as we were walking by, the ~3-year-old girl looks up at her mom and says, "Daddy has a penis!"
There is not a doubt in my mind that you completely made that up.
I believe him. Kids say the darndest things.
When I was in the USAF in Okinawa, it was still the days of getting checks on paper and having to go to the bank to cash/deposit them. Paydays were always a real bitch, with lines sometimes being an hour long. Two or three people in front of me was a mom and her little cutie-pie angel about 4 years old. She had been asking for candy, toys, whatever for the entire time in line (about an 45 minutes or so), and Mom kept telling her that she will buy her something as soon as they left the bank. As time drew on, this little pile of joy kept getting louder and more demanding, only to have mom keep promising the goods after the bank. Well, when she was about 4 people away from being served, the little ray of sunshine started screaming that she wanted candy NOW, and Mom told her to be quiet or she would get nothing. Then, in a moment of brilliant negotiation skills I have not seen duplicated since, this little smile-machine said to her mom "If you don't give me candy now, I'm telling everyone I saw daddy's thing in your mouth."
After waiting 45 minutes, mom scooped up her bundle of happiness, and promptly left the bank without getting her check cashed.
Quote from: BigEd76 on June 20, 2007, 10:41:11 AM
Fat black woman in our office building on a cell phone: "WELL YOU GOIN TO GRANDMA'S CAUSE SHE GOT MY FOOD."
some people should not be allowed phones, or air
There's no doubt in my mind that he's a total douche bag either
Quote from: mussa on June 20, 2007, 12:55:59 PM
There's no doubt in my mind that he's a total douche bag either
what are you talking about
Quote from: Seabiscuit36 on June 20, 2007, 11:46:14 AM
Quote from: BigEd76 on June 20, 2007, 10:41:11 AM
Fat black woman in our office building on a cell phone: "WELL YOU GOIN TO GRANDMA'S CAUSE SHE GOT MY FOOD."
some people should not be allowed phones, or air
When she takes a step, her ass cheek stops moving 2 seconds later. She also has bright pink hair.
HIT
Quote from: Seabiscuit36 on June 20, 2007, 01:26:03 PM
Quote from: mussa on June 20, 2007, 12:55:59 PM
There's no doubt in my mind that he's a total douche bag either
what are you talking about
It's another of mussa's highly-intelligent and spirited attempts to talk smack when he feels slighted.
NM
Quote from: FastFreddie on June 20, 2007, 02:08:57 PM
Quote from: Seabiscuit36 on June 20, 2007, 01:26:03 PM
Quote from: mussa on June 20, 2007, 12:55:59 PM
There's no doubt in my mind that he's a total douche bag either
what are you talking about
It's another of mussa's highly-intelligent and spirited attempts to talk smack when he feels slighted.
no its just a plain fact that your a douche bag. you posted a pic of yourself that visually confirms this also. douchness!
I've come to the conclusion that your posts pretty much do all the work for anyone with which you're arguing.
I'll just sit back and allow the process to unfold for me.
Quote from: mussa on June 20, 2007, 02:51:20 PM
Quote from: FastFreddie on June 20, 2007, 02:08:57 PM
Quote from: Seabiscuit36 on June 20, 2007, 01:26:03 PM
Quote from: mussa on June 20, 2007, 12:55:59 PM
There's no doubt in my mind that he's a total douche bag either
what are you talking about
It's another of mussa's highly-intelligent and spirited attempts to talk smack when he feels slighted.
no its just a plain fact that your a douche bag. you posted a pic of yourself that visually confirms this also. douchness!
(http://www.poster.net/taxi-driver/taxi-driver-you-talkin-to-me-5000052.jpg)
Overheard at a restaurant from a table of old ladys.
"Walter had a pump installed. He pumps it up and it works just fine."
Quote from: FastFreddie on June 20, 2007, 03:12:05 PM
I've come to the conclusion that your posts pretty much do all the work for anyone with which you're arguing.
I'll just sit back and allow the process to unfold for me.
im not arguing with you. im just stating the truth
nm
glad we agree ^-^
Are you two done lathering each other up?
we were just waiting for you actually
Ha. You wish you could get a piece of this.
whats azn?
why is there an asian emoticon
Because Asian people are cool.
And smart. Sadly, they are poor drivers. Fact.
When I was in Japan, my Jap-a-ho girlfried pronounced "Peanuts" as "Penis".
We used to have her ask the bartender on base for extra peanuts all the time. "Can I have some extra penis?"
And I'm spent.
I was in line at the post office and in front of me was an Indian (not native american), her sister I guess and her 6 year old boy (I guessed 6 becuase I've never seen an ass on a 5 year old boy like that)...anyways....behind them was this fraile old lady and then me.
I guess they were talking about how someone in their family died of old age and what not...and as they approach the counter....the kid turns around, looks and the old lady, points at her as he says out loud, 'She's gonna die'.
The old lady couldn't help but have that 'aww, how cute kids are' look on her face...because she knew she got PWND!
Crazy. Hilarious.
Quote from: hbionic on June 20, 2007, 06:33:34 PM
(I guessed 6 becuase I've never seen an ass on a 5 year old boy like that)...
:-D :-D
Quote from: hbionic on June 20, 2007, 06:33:34 PM
PWND!
Regardless of how funny the story may be, what is this, early 2006? Please.
"I'm not gonna let no man control me anymore."
Said by some white trash whale in the coffee section of Borders in Center City.
Quote from: MDS on June 20, 2007, 09:08:41 PM
"I'm not gonna let no man control me anymore."
Said by some white trash whale in the coffee section of Borders in Center City.
She is otherwise known as, 'Your Mom'.