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Bandwagon Central => General => Topic started by: General_Failure on August 10, 2005, 11:26:57 PM

Title: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 10, 2005, 11:26:57 PM
I just got a job as a blogger for a poker site. They're aware they I don't know how to play but insist that I learn at least Texas Holdem. So ... please guys? :-[
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Mad-Lad on August 10, 2005, 11:33:10 PM
each card is available in a different suit.

the suits are: pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds and purple horseshoes.

also, if you're caught cheating, Al Pacino and Joe Pesci will break your hands or kill you.


that's a good start.  good luck.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: 4and26 on August 10, 2005, 11:40:12 PM
Go to pokeroom.com

You can get an account there and play with play money.  They also have tutorials to help you learn the game.

Good luck.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: MURP on August 10, 2005, 11:52:22 PM
getting a job writing about a game you dont know how to play.

sounds like our president. 
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 10, 2005, 11:59:31 PM
Quote from: MURP on August 10, 2005, 11:52:22 PM
getting a job writing about a game you dont know how to play.

sounds like our president.

I was going to post the offer up here for the poker geeks, but the guy insisted I take the job.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Sgt PSN on August 11, 2005, 12:12:41 AM
The rules are quite simple really.  Try and get as close to 21 as possible without going over. 
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 12:13:37 AM
Thanks for the dating tips, dad.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Sgt PSN on August 11, 2005, 12:16:18 AM
No problem.  Another rule I forgot to mention......if you and an opposing player(s) have a card of the same value, you must all place 3 cards face down and turn up the next available card.  Whoever has the highest value card wins the pot.  If there is a tie again, repeat the steps above. 
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 12:18:20 AM
Didn't I ban you?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Sgt PSN on August 11, 2005, 12:19:29 AM
Here's a link with the basic rules of the game.   At the bottom are links to more advanced pages.

http://boardgames.about.com/cs/poker/a/texas_rules.htm

Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Sgt PSN on August 11, 2005, 12:20:54 AM
Here's a link to tell you how to determine the winning hand. 

http://boardgames.about.com/cs/poker/a/poker_hands.htm
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Sgt PSN on August 11, 2005, 12:21:28 AM
Quote from: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 12:18:20 AM
Didn't I ban you?

I dunno what you're talking about.  :paranoid
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 12:26:07 AM
Thanks for the real help, guys. I'll be thinking of you when ... no, I won't.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Susquehanna Birder on August 11, 2005, 07:50:02 AM
Is this a paid "job," with real money and everything?   :-\
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Wingspan on August 11, 2005, 07:56:24 AM
you should fold every hand with a face card...
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Diomedes on August 11, 2005, 08:02:23 AM
Poker is for suckers.  Might as well smoke crack.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Wingspan on August 11, 2005, 08:05:35 AM
i play on www.pokerroom.com

you can learn there i suppose.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: PhillyGirl on August 11, 2005, 08:18:09 AM
Bloggers are with the gays.




>:D
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: rjs246 on August 11, 2005, 08:35:31 AM
Bloggers are indeed gay. But if you actually want to learn to play hold'em I could teach you. Rapid fire style. Or point you to a half dozen books or so that I've read.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 01:30:51 PM
Quote from: Susquehanna Birder on August 11, 2005, 07:50:02 AM
Is this a paid "job," with real money and everything? :-\

$20 per article. Not much, but I figure I can always tell people it pays $40 an hour. :)
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Wingspan on August 11, 2005, 01:57:29 PM
Quote from: MURP on August 10, 2005, 11:52:22 PM
getting a job writing about a game you dont know how to play.

where do you think sports writers come from?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: MURP on August 11, 2005, 02:05:49 PM
Quote from: Wingspan on August 11, 2005, 01:57:29 PM
Quote from: MURP on August 10, 2005, 11:52:22 PM
getting a job writing about a game you dont know how to play.

where do you think sports writers come from?

hell?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: phattymatty on August 11, 2005, 02:08:49 PM
You're getting paid to write about poker?  How can I get in on this deal?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 02:10:02 PM
Quote from: phattymatty on August 11, 2005, 02:08:49 PM
You're getting paid to write about poker? How can I get in on this deal?

You have to find your own Randist that likes starting companies just for the hell of it.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: phattymatty on August 11, 2005, 04:17:01 PM
Quote from: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 02:10:02 PM
You have to find your own Randist that likes starting companies just for the hell of it.

I have no idea what a Randist is.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Susquehanna Birder on August 11, 2005, 04:23:56 PM
I'll take a few guesses:

- A member of The Atlas Society (followers of Ayn Rand's work). (LINK (http://www.atlassociety.org/tas/rand.asp))
- A member of the James Randi Foundation, or a fan of Randi (LINK (http://www.randi.org/))
- A program that generates a random distribution of points in a sphere (LINK (http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~pcarlton/matlab/randist.pl))

I'm guessing that G_F is that last one.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: rjs246 on August 11, 2005, 04:26:40 PM
Typically they are people who follow Ayn Rand and her theories of objectivism and do things because they make sense with no emotional attachment to their decisions beyond making the correct objective choice. It's a boring and predictable lifestyle, meant for those without an imagination or sense of humor. I would guess that lots of dudes who can't get laid are into it.

"I am intellectually superior to your current mating partner. It only makes sense to allow me to impregnate you for the benefit of your offspring."
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: phattymatty on August 11, 2005, 04:33:21 PM
I'm just going to pretend it's someone who's really into Randy "Macho Man" Savage.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Susquehanna Birder on August 11, 2005, 04:46:59 PM
Quote from: rjs246 on August 11, 2005, 04:26:40 PMIt's a boring and predictable lifestyle, meant for those without an imagination or sense of humor.

That would explain this site, then.   :-X
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: rjs246 on August 11, 2005, 04:49:51 PM
I don't think GF is refering to himself as a Randist, unless he was refering to Phatty's Macho Man theory. I think his friend is a Randist. Or maybe you're all poop eaters.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 05:47:30 PM
My friend is a Randist. And while he's a little dry his sense of humor isn't too far off from my own.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Sgt PSN on August 11, 2005, 07:02:10 PM
I didn't know you had a sense of humor. 
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 07:06:56 PM
I keep it in my pants.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Tomahawk on August 11, 2005, 07:09:45 PM
Quote from: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 07:06:56 PM
I keep it in my pants.

So your sense of humor is a joke unto itself?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Sgt PSN on August 11, 2005, 07:11:02 PM
Quote from: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 07:06:56 PM
I keep it in my pants.

That explains why you never use it.   ;)
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: QB Eagles on August 11, 2005, 07:12:33 PM
Ooo an Ayndroid. I thought Rand was against gambling because it subverts the individual control to the whims of fate. Or some such crap.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: hbionic on August 11, 2005, 08:09:31 PM
Where is  NB by the way? And why is Yeti missing...at the same time?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 08:17:01 PM
Gay sex in the woods.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Diomedes on August 11, 2005, 08:32:40 PM
Quote from: hbionic on August 11, 2005, 08:09:31 PM
Where is NB by the way?
Jerking off to the bible.

Quote from: hbionic on August 11, 2005, 08:09:31 PMAnd why is Yeti missing...at the same time?
Coincidence.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: QB Eagles on August 11, 2005, 08:42:50 PM
Quote from: Diomedes on August 11, 2005, 08:32:40 PM
Quote from: hbionic on August 11, 2005, 08:09:31 PM
Where is NB by the way?
Jerking off to the bible.

The softcore porn in the Song of Solomon? Or the part where God sends two bears to kill 42 children who were making fun of Elisha's baldness?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: hbionic on August 11, 2005, 08:45:10 PM
Quote from: Diomedes on August 11, 2005, 08:32:40 PM

Where is NB by the way?

There are some good Virgin Mary pics...one of them shows her whole undressed foot.  :drool
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 09:03:43 PM
Did you guys hear about that time Virgin Mary raped Dave Cross?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Susquehanna Birder on August 11, 2005, 09:17:46 PM
Quote from: Diomedes on August 11, 2005, 08:32:40 PM
Quote from: hbionic on August 11, 2005, 08:09:31 PM
Where is NB by the way?
Jerking off to the bible.

Been there...done that. Definitely not as satisfying as it sounds.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 09:21:42 PM
It's chick porn, not really meant for spanking at all.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: QB Eagles on August 11, 2005, 09:22:21 PM
Some of those picture Bibles have racy pics of Eve (the rib lady, not the rapper). For those of you who don't mind getting turned on by your great-....-great-grandmother.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 11, 2005, 09:23:54 PM
That's okay, I think my grandfather was adopted.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Gene on August 11, 2005, 10:36:29 PM
I don't know to much about poker.

I know you have to remove an article of clothing when you lose a hand.........however, I'm not sure exactly when any of your opponents have to Go Fish. :paranoid
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: ParkingLotFlagDude on August 12, 2005, 09:27:51 AM
Quote from: rjs246 on August 11, 2005, 04:26:40 PM

"I am intellectually superior to your current mating partner. It only makes sense to allow me to impregnate you for the benefit of your offspring."

That is a great line, works really good if the chick beleives in UFOs, or only wants us for our baby batter    :-D

On the poker front the rules are easy:

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

Now Ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
'Cause every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."


I find that it helps if you set the words to music in your head and sing them to yourself at the table
good luck

Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: PhillyandBCEagles on August 12, 2005, 05:19:04 PM
Quote from: rjs246 on August 11, 2005, 04:26:40 PM
Typically they are people who follow Ayn Rand and her theories of objectivism and do things because they make sense with no emotional attachment to their decisions beyond making the correct objective choice. It's a boring and predictable lifestyle, meant for those without an imagination or sense of humor. I would guess that lots of dudes who can't get laid are into it.

"I am intellectually superior to your current mating partner. It only makes sense to allow me to impregnate you for the benefit of your offspring."

Makes sense for limit poker though, particularly on the internet.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: MURP on August 15, 2005, 01:11:15 PM
hey, Even Spewdaro has a blog now (http://www.philadelphiaeagles.com/homeNewsDetail.jsp?id=32877)  :-D


(http://org-www.lincolnfinancialfield.com/uploads/photos/temp/main/NJHEHOGLIKIP/05road3_02.gif)
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Tomahawk on August 15, 2005, 01:15:47 PM
Quote from: MURP on August 15, 2005, 01:11:15 PM
hey, Even Spewdaro has a blog now (http://www.philadelphiaeagles.com/homeNewsDetail.jsp?id=32877)  :-D

I love the quote from Jaws:

Quote"You can't have him hanging over your head all year," Jaws said. "The Eagles will still win. Andy Reid knows how to win. He won with James Thrash. This team wins."
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 16, 2005, 03:42:48 PM
My first blog entry went up last night, the next one will be up whenever I write it. :)

The two guys over there really seemed to like it, so if I can keep it up I guess they won't fire me. link (http://www.letspoker.com/WSOPLiveBlog/?p=76)

Oh, and don't even bother asking the obvious question. You know I'll have an answer that makes you look like a dumbass.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Tomahawk on August 16, 2005, 04:01:19 PM
They liked it? Really? Are you sure you don't have some tidbit of information on them that could be used as blackmail?
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: rjs246 on August 25, 2005, 08:03:33 PM
I found this entertaining. (http://www.letspoker.com/WSOPLiveBlog/?p=78)
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 25, 2005, 10:40:55 PM
Somebody over there thought that one was too out there. Somebody that runs the place, some random reader, I don't know. But the guy that hired me forwarded me the email and said he loved it.
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: Father Demon on August 25, 2005, 10:41:43 PM
So I see you haven't really learned anything about poker yet....
Title: Re: Alright losers, teach me to play poker
Post by: General_Failure on August 25, 2005, 10:43:12 PM
Not a thing.