Random Bitching Monologues

[hbionic]

And as we've discussed already, because NYC is mad expensive.

Someone deciding to live in NYC is not my problem to deal with. They will take my $1 and like it.

BOOYAKA!

[Sgt PSN]

I really don't care if I get tipped more for mixing drinks or just popping the top off a beer with my handy belt buckle.  Just leave a farging tip.  farging Marines are notoriously bad tippers.  And the closer to payday it gets, the worse the tips are because these farging idiots can't manage their money.  So instead of tipping, they use the money to buy more drinks.  Yeah, those guys are lucky to get a full shot of booze in their drinks.  One of the busiest nights I had was a Saturday before payday (which fell on a Monday).  I'd say there were about 40 people in the bar drinking that night and I made about $30 in tips.  When I closed the register that night we had done over $1000 in business.  Cheap mother fargers. 

A lot of times when I'm out at a bar and paying cash, I'll leave a big tip up front when I order my first drink.  The bartender will usually give you better service for the rest of the night and if I happen to spend all my cash at least I know the tip's already been covered.  And if I'm running a tab on my card I'll still leave a dollar tip on each drink and then if I felt the service was deserving, I'll add a little extra on my final bill. 

[Geowhizzer]

It takes just as much time for them to pour your milk as my beer, you cheap bastich.

I honestly think that the only time I've ever been served by a bartender was at my step-nephew's bar mitzvah last November.  On that one, all the costs were covered by my brother-in-law, including the tip.

For wait staff, I've actually become a pretty good tipper.  Since I'm inherently lazy, I don't bother to get the exact 20 percent.  I just round up to the next dollar. Unless the service is just lousy, then they get 15 percent.  If the server is rude, then they get 10% and a kick in the tail.

[SD_Eagle5]

I get something in the mail from T-Mobile that says I'm eligible for a free $199.99 phone with a 1 year service plan, since I've been with them for over 2 years and have not upgraded my phone I figure I'll call, get the plan, then get a free phone with a shteinload of extras. I call, get transferred 3 times till some douchebag finally tells me I'm not on record as having been offered this phone. I ask him why they sent this to me and he says it's a gliche in the system and that if I fax it to him he may be able to help me out, I tell him thanks for wasting my time and I'll be switching phone companies very shortly. End of conversation.

[rjs246]

What is the farging deal with people pissing on public toilets? I'm not kidding, every farging airport, restaurant and rest stop that I've tried to take a dump in for the past six months has had piss all over the farging seat. Not the porcelain rim mind you, but the farging seat itself. Is there some sort of white trash code that says you have to put the seat down and piss all over it when you're in a public bathroom? Are you freaks just that bad at actually hitting your target?

Seriously, this is on par with cutting someone off and slamming on the brakes when it comes to common courtesy. It's farging ignorant and I seem to be the last dude on Earth who's pissed off by it.

[Tomahawk]

I quit dropping the kids off in public restrooms a long time ago because of that.

Why do people ask if you just got your haircut? Is it a rhetorical question, or do they really expect an answer? Either way, mind your own farging business.

[Diomedes]

You're not, I was complaining of the same thing after meetings in a big fancy hotel yesterday.  I think the deal is that stillupfront's moms don't want to actually lift the seat, probably  because they think it's dirty or something, so they just piss.  I also think horseshoe shaped seats (for lack of a better word) encourage this kind of thing, because everyone thinks they're some kind of marksmen.  Nevermind spray or back-splash from your steaming stream...people just don't care.

When I piss in a toilet, I do what I do at home.  I lift the goddamn seat first. 

[hbionic]

I never have to lift the seat. I'm that bad ass when it comes to my aim and spray. They don't call me Robin Hood for nothing. 

[rjs246]

Sometimes you've just got to pinch off a loaf in public. If you're me you have to do it four or five times a week. But I've even seen it at my places of employment over the years. What the farg is wrong with people? Lift the farging seat. Or, even better, if you're that bad at aiming for the toilet bowl, sit down and piss. farging dipshteins.

[hbionic]

As effiminate as sitting down and pissing is...its also fun once in a while, a change of pace, similar to using a reverse grip with the left hand once in a while.

I hardly ever take a duce in public and/or public bathrooms...but I know what you mean, you suddenly have to play janitor and clean off the motherfarger....makes you contemplate cutting off your hand to prevent infection of the rest of the body after you leave.

[Rome]

I feel your pain, rjs.  I'm on the road a lot doing appraisals and when the urge strikes for me to squeeze out a dump, the first place I go is police stations/city halls.  It's amazing how clean they keep public restrooms in those places.  It's like people are scared of acting like pigs in them.

Other decent places:

Libraries (not in "bad" sections of town where bums loiter).

Target stores (they must clean the toilets there at least twice an hour).

Places of worship (Catholic Churches are excellent because no one is ever there and they're usually spotless for obvious reasons).

[rjs246]

So this happens everywhere? I don't get it. I mean, not only is it disgusting, but it takes a certain amount of "farg everyone else, I'm gonna piss on this seat and make someone else clean it up" attitude to do this. So ignorant.

[hbionic]

Places of worship (Catholic Churches are excellent because no one is ever there and they're usually spotless for obvious reasons).

Yes, Jesus is the only other mother farger that has as good aim as I do.

Respek!

[rjs246]

I'm waiting for one of you fargers to come forward and admit that you do this intentionally.

[SD_Eagle5]

I took a dump in a port-a-potty on Sunday