2014 Point & Laugh At The taterskins Thread

[PhillyPhreak54]

A new year, a new thread, but the same old joy of pointing and laughing at the bottom feeders of the NFC East.

The homerism over on ES is strong right now. Not as disgusting as years past but now that they're looking for their eight coach since the beginning of the decade.

Norv Turner, Terry Robiskie (interim), Marty Schottenheimer, Steve Spurrier, The Coaching Angel, Jim Zorn, Mike Shanahan and whomever Lil Danny chooses as the next fella to steal millions from him.

When they hired Spurrier ES was excited. We got Art Mills' articles about how they were better than everyone. Then ES was touched by The Coaching Angel and they were orgasmic. After he left to go watch cars drive in circles they went into Hardcore Zornography and failed miserably. Then came washed up and overrated Mike Shanahan and his clown of a son.

Now?

Who knows. But reading ES is warming my heart because the masses there are so so happy that Danny seems to be taking the back seat again and letting Bruce Allen do the searching and that, by golly, is the greatest thing ever. This approach is methodical! And thorough! And will bring them back to prominence.

Truly year 'round entertainment.

The game plan Snyder has with Bruce Allen seems promising to me. I heard Doc Walker the other day getting excited that Bruce is in charge. Doc also said you have to realize where Bruce Allen came from. Bruce has been in this business that is the NFL since he was a child.  Being the son of George Allen your going to learn football. When Bruce was a kid he was hanging with Deacon Jones. I believe Bruce named his son after Deacon. Bruce Allen Lives , eats and breathes football. Bruce Allen is a winner just like his father and his politician brother. The Allen family are winners. I believe with Allen making these coaching decisions we are excellent shape.

Now compare that mess with this current coaching search. Instead of a rash knee jerk hiring we finally have three football minds casting a wide net of options and turning over every rock for the best person available. In no way does this compare to the circus searches from 2008 and 2009. No sleepovers, no 2:00am flights, no Crown Royal, nada.



This will be the first time in Dan's ownership that someone else is going to interview and hire a head coach.



Folks, this is what we've asked for all along.

http://es.taterskins.com/topic/375845-when-are-people-going-to-start-respecting-gibbs/

Let's be real here. He came back for 4 years and got us to the playoffs in two of those seasons.



And we won a playoff game. Only the second playoff game we'd won since he left 12 years earlier.



I'm so sick of seeing Gibbs mentioned in the same breath or vain of the other rejects or has-beens who have coached here since 1.0. He's the best thing that ever came across this franchise, and was the only coach to actually resign from Snyder instead of be fired.



Show some respect this man for which we owe EVERYTHING THAT GIVES THIS FRANCHISE ANY RESPECT AT ALL.



All hail Gibbs. For now and always.

[SD]

ExtremeSkins Fan View: Cap Hell Rocks!
By Arthur Mills
ExtremeSkins.com
March 16, 2006

Don't hate us because we're beautiful.

No more blank, wondering stares, confused head scratching, frothing emotional outbursts, conspiracy theories or embarrassing, dismissive references to 2000. The Washington taterskins are the central theme of every NFL team message board out there. Here's a message to you all from all ExtremeSkins fans everywhere.

It's time to embrace the reality of it all. Simply, we're better than you.

That's it. Look no further. We are better than you. We're more fun. It feels better to be us. We've got flair. We're audacious, capricious, bodacious, supercalifragilisticxpalidocious.

Are you finally getting it?

Yes, yes, I know cap hell was supposed to be upon us. I know that's what you've been told. I feel for you, I really do. As you come to realize we're better than you, a second bit of stark reality must also penetrate. We're smarter than them.

Repeat after me.

The Washington taterskins are managed, coached and owned by highly professional people who know more about running a football franchise than ALL the unnamed, anonymous sources any reporter has yanked from the broom closet and quoted.

Don't take my word for it. Take the following words for it.

Brandon Lloyd, Antwaan Randle El, Adam Archuleta, Andre Carter, Todd Collins, Christian Fauria.

The question you all should be asking isn't, "How is all this possible?" No. The question should be, "How didn't we know this was all possible?"

Six years of assurances cap hell was on the way and you still allowed yourself to believe the tripe. Perhaps busting the cap hell myth as it relates to the Washington taterskins is just too painful a thing for media and fans of other teams to do.

Like a child coming to the harsh knowledge Santa doesn't exist, the media and opposing teams' fans are struggling desperately to hang on to the fiction that cap hell is on the way for the taterskins despite--literally--YEARS of demonstrated contrary evidence.

Here's the best part.

You don't have to hate us for what we're doing. You can do it, too.

"The thing I want to emphasize is this: We haven't done one thing that anybody else can't do," Joe Gibbs said after the introductory press conference for Andre Carter. "We have certain rules in the league. Here's the cap, here's the numbers, here's what you can spend, so everybody in the league can do what we're doing, it's just that they choose not to, many of them."

Deep down, this is really the issue, isn't it? You can do it too and you know it, but, your team doesn't do it, so, you have a hard choice. Hate your team, or hate us.

Say you're a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles. You always have all those many millions available, which somehow never seem to get spent. All week you're hearing how you have LeCharles Bentley locked up as your free agent masterstroke to solidify your offensive line.

You are giddy. You're thrilled. You know this is the guy you need. He fills a need and makes it a strength. You're excited about the prospects of adding such a substantial piece. Then, the Cleveland Browns call, offer a few more bucks to Bentley and Bentley winds up in Cleveland leaving you with nothing more than whimpering excuses that Bentley is from Cleveland and always wanted to play there.

Oh, hush.

Antwaan Randle El is from Chicago. He's always wanted to play there. Yet he's playing in D.C. Adam Archuleta admits he adores Lovie Smith after years playing for him with St. Louis and wanted to play with him in Chicago. Yet he's playing in D.C. Andre Carter just had to meet the Broncos because his father played there 12 years and he envisioned being the second generation of his family with the team. Yet he's playing in D.C.

And it's driving you crazy because you were so excited and thrilled about the prospects of adding a good player your management and owner can't figure out how to land while we get EVERY single player we shoot at.

We get to actually live the thrill and giddiness you only get to brush up against. And it's killing you.

Did we pay a premium for generally young players entering their prime with years left to play in the NFL? You bet we did. Kind of like when the Eagles lock up their own young players for a premium before they really emerge on the scene and everyone calls that genius. Think of it like that, only, with the component of actually being smart because an expensive 24-year-old promising receiver suddenly becomes a very cheap 26-year-old receiver when he grabs 80 balls.

See, we already had good players under contract. Now we have more.

As you struggle to find words to describe the coming cap doom heading our way, try to process one final thought. When you have that free agent you need all lined up and you don't get him, well, isn't that really what cap hell feels like?

I wouldn't know, because I don't ever have to feel that way

[PhillyPhreak54]

Greatest thing ever.

My favorite note about Archuleta is that he sucked so damn badly that by the end of his reign of suck he was relegated to "personal punt protector".

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d81fe031a/printable/easy-to-come-up-with-worst-freeagency-move-of-last-decade

So, it becomes awfully hard to pick one (Jeff George, Deion Sanders, Albert Haynesworth?). So I'm instead going to include one massively unproductive, but quite pricey, free-agent class of 2005. Coming off a rare playoff appearance, then-coach Joe Gibbs decided to change the offense again and welcome in another big group of players that included receivers Antwaan Randle El and Brandon Lloyd, defensive end Andre Carter, safety Adam Archuleta, quarterback Todd Collins, and tight end Christian Fauria. The limos were lined up at taterskins Park for the wining and dining. Archuleta, relegated to the personal protector on the punt team within weeks, became the NFL's highest-paid safety. The enigmatic Lloyd and Randle El were paid like starting receivers, but neither performed like one. Fauria and Collins rarely played. Carter stuck around for several years with sporadic production.

A free-agent class that was supposed to lift the franchise to a Super Bowl instead became an albatross from a salary cap and roster standpoint, and came to symbolize the kind of ineffectiveness of the taterskins' approach to free agency.

[Munson]

lol it never gets old.

[MDS]

havas isnt going to like this thread

[Rome]

The Washington taterskins are managed, coached and owned by highly professional people who know more about running a football franchise than ALL the unnamed, anonymous sources any reporter has yanked from the broom closet and quoted.

That single run-on sentence should be engraved in stone and sent to that smug corksucker.

[PhillyPhreak54]

http://deadspin.com/dan-snyder-killed-some-trees-and-a-park-ranger-paid-th-1494113337

[shorebird]

The Washington taterskins are managed, coached and owned by highly professional people who know more about running a football franchise than ALL the unnamed, anonymous sources any reporter has yanked from the broom closet and quoted.

These people aren't living in the same world as everyone else.

[SD]

There's the obvious awfulness, inaccuracy and blubbering hilarity of the article...then there's little things like Art using phrases like "oh, hush" and "adores". The humor works on many different levels.

[Rome]

http://deadspin.com/dan-snyder-killed-some-trees-and-a-park-ranger-paid-th-1494113337

lol

[QB Eagles]

It can't be posted enough times. For me, it's the short sentences. He sounds like a magician talking through his tricks.

See, we already had good players under contract. Now we have more.

[PhillyPhreak54]

I'm 45 and a born taterskins fan.My mother put me is a taterskins bib as soon as possible. I sit in the Club level. My uncle played high school ball with Chris Hanburger. Good enough for you?



It is the media. Instead of actually reporting on facts from named sources we now have anonymous sources driving sensational headlines with the main difference today being the personal nature of the attacks. The current narrative is that RGIII is coordinating a massive media campaign to tell the world how great he is instead of devoting his valuable time to perfecting his footwork. If he had only decided to stay late after practice to become a better player instead of wrestling the mic from his head coach during those league mandated pressers.



You seem like a smart guy chip. Don't you see the absolute insanity of that train of thinking? RGIII is a 23 year old kid right out of college. He grew up is a very regimented home life that stressed accountability and honesty. He has worked very hard to get where he is. He is the American Dream.



But the WaPo, and other B rated sports writers would have you believe that he is a megalomaniac that cares only about his image. For example, the "All In" ad campaign was written by the marketing people from Adidas, a company that he is under contract with. But people use that as proof that he is selfish and not serious about his day job. That is insane.



Another example is the Gatorade documentary. It was actually originally meant to be about Luck and Griffin but the producer of the film felt that RGIII's rehab from offseason knee surgery was more interesting and captivating. They did have a camera crew follow Luck too but I haven't seen the reports describing him as a selfish diva hell bent on destroying the Colts franchise from within. The whole slant is nuts.



I could go on but what is the point? The media has crossed a line in my mind and crucifies whomever they want to in the court of public opinion with facts not in evidence.

[MDS]

if snyder owned the eagles would you all disown the team?

[Diomedes]

Christ, that's a hard question.

I might check out until ownership changed, yeah. 

On the other hand, there are a dozen good reasons to drop football from my life altogether and none of them have moved me so, probably not.

[SD]

I tried finding the thread they made about their fullbacks facial hair for a chuckle. Came up short. J?