farg Dallas! Thread

[Sgt PSN]

you suck at quoting

[paco]

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=reilly_rick&id=4491594

It's hard being a Cowboys cheerleader

If you're going to make it in the Cowboys organization, you better cram like a sardine, because you'll take written tests on everything from Cowboys history to Texas culture to world affairs.



Not to make the football team. To make the cheerleading team.



The players don't have to take any quizzes. If you're 290 and can turn a running back into an oil stain, you could read at the equivalent of a mealworm and make it.



It's the cheerleaders who get grilled like it's Final Jeopardy. They take a nearly 100-question test during tryouts and are asked to name everything from the governor of Texas to a country that borders Iraq.



Remind me: What's this got to do with pom-poms?



Tryout coordinator: "Amber, that was a terrific triple-twisting salchow, and landing in a split was a surprise, but I'm afraid you gagged on the cold-fusion question. Get out."



"We want our cheerleaders to be knowledgeable and well-spoken in interviews," says Cowboys cheerleading boss Kelli Finglass. "If they're not, it's a deal breaker."



Cowboys players get interviewed every day. Shouldn't they have to take it? "Well, their job description is winning football games," Finglass says.



Riiiiight.



Besides, if Cowboys players had to pass the same quiz before they could make the team, many of them would be bouncers at Showgirls today.



Which is exactly why we gave it to them.



Why not? Why should the cheerleaders have to know more than the players? It's not like anybody from Fox is going up to a cheerleader after the game, asking, "Incredible game! Where do you think it ranks in Cowboys history?"



We coerced 12 players into taking it. To their credit, they did it with good humor and open minds, just not always clever ones. Some examples:



Q: Name the Six Flags of Texas.



A very tough question. Only backup QB Jon Kitna nailed it. "Oh, my kids have been schooling me on this. Mexico, Spain, France, United States, Republic of Texas and the Confederacy. Thanks to my kids, I just learned that!" Nearly all 11 others thought it was an amusement park question. Need to get some kids.



Q: Name the two ex-Cowboys quarterbacks in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.



Everybody got it right except G Travis Bright, who answered Troy Aikman but forgot Roger Staubach, and S Pat Watkins, who answered, "Joe Namath and Troy Aikman." Yep, who can forget ol' Beltway Joe?



Q: Name a country that borders Iraq.



Ten of 12 got it right (Iran, Kuwait, Jordan, Syria, Saudi Arabia and Turkey), although WR Miles Austin and CB Orlando Scandrick said Afghanistan, which is about 750 miles away. Gotta at least pause at CNN once in a while, boys.



Q: Who is the governor of Texas?



This one was hopeless. Only TE Jason Witten and DE Marcus Spears got it right: Rick Perry. Interesting fact about the governor of Texas: He doesn't have to take a quiz either.



Q: List three lean proteins.



"Like, foods?" asked LB Keith Brooking.



Uh, yes, foods.



"Tuna fish," he tried. "I don't know, man."



Watkins replied, "Fish, chicken, duck."



WR Sam Hurd listed, "Steak, chicken and pasta."



Pasta? No. Some correct answers: fish, skinless poultry, lentils, beans, soy products and lean meats. Definitely not duck.



Q: In how many Super Bowls have the Dallas Cowboys appeared?



Pretty simple question, right? One that might come up in interviews, appearances, book signings? But only one player in 12 -- Bright -- answered correctly, with eight. Not to be harsh, but 70 percent of Texas schoolkids will get that one right.



Overall, some of the Cowboys would've flunked before they got to show off their herkies, except DE Marcus Spears. He nailed nearly every question. That figures. Spears, who went to LSU, says friends made fun of him back when he was a kid for getting good grades and being smart.



Me, if I were a Cowboy and things got crazy on the sideline this season and I had no idea what the coach just meant, I'd find Spears.



Or, better yet, a cheerleader.

[rjs246]

I'm not sure that 'read at the equivalent of a mealworm' is a defensible sentence.

[QB Eagles]

I'm not sure that 'read at the equivalent of a mealworm' is a defensible sentence.

I dislike Rick Reilly so much that I can't even enjoy it when he's pointing out that the Cowboys are dumb. Him and Mitch Albom can go suck each other's dicks and then write a sappy, inspirational story about it.

[PhillyPhreak54]

Throw Mike Lupica in there and have a good ol threesome

[Eagaholic]

Cowboys Stadium G.M. pleads guilty to DUI
Posted by Mike Florio on September 26, 2009 10:46 PM ET
The General Manager of the North Texas Football Cathedral got into a little hot water earlier this year, as a result of a decision to drive his car after drinking some water with a little heat in it.

And so Jack Hill has pleaded guilty to DUI.  Hill has been sentenced to 15 days in a Tarrant County, Texas labor detail.

A Cowboys spokesman said that Hill continues to serve as G.M. of the new arena.

15 days in a labor detail, surprised Jones couldn't bribe the gm's way out

[phillymic2000]

Cowgirls looking like dookie right now, and the anouncers are drooling all over T.O. not being there anymore. And a fargin 20 yrd. punt. LOL

[phillymic2000]

The quote on MNF for the cowboys "they've got issues" 

[phillymic2000]

WTF, brutal call on the personal foul.

[PhillyPhreak54]

John Fox and Jake Delhomme can go ahead and start polishing up those resume's. Horrible second half.

[PhillyPhreak54]

http://deadspin.com/5370499/couple-christens-dallas-cowboys-stadiums-new-bathroom-stalls

NSFW...NSFW...NSFW alert

A couple got caught farging on the floor of a bathroom stall in the new stadium.

Don't be too alarmed — it's only three seconds of pretty standard grunt-heavy missionary sex on the bathroom floor, nabbed by this citizen journalist who, along with many others at Dallas Stadium last night, witnessed this display. My friend, who was at the game, said many Cowboys fans were startled by the odd noises coming from the Hall of Fame box level bathroom stall, where a couple clad in Michael Irvin jerseys were "totally banging" at the end of the 4th quarter when the Cowboys had pretty much wrapped it up. The commotion soon became very, very public and many fans equipped with cellphone cameras ran into the stall to snap pictures. Luckily, our guy had video and stuck his hand over the stall like a true professional voyeur and caught a a few mighty thrusts during Irvin on Irvin.

[Drunkmasterflex]

Classy girl.

[SunMo]

she's a go getter

[smeags]

i heard it was jerry's wife and a landscaper

[Eagaholic]

Romo's new girlfriend