Rich Hofmann | THE WAIT ALONE WILL KILL YA
Get on line now, Eagles season tickets will be in your hands in 4,000 years
WENT ON THE EAGLES' Web site yesterday, typed in some information, clicked, joined the season-ticket waiting list. Just like that.
Didn't take a minute.
Should be hearing back in 4,000 years.
This is no joke. This is simple mathematics.
According to Eagles president Joe Banner, the waiting list now contains more than 60,000 names and, last year, a grand total of 15 of them were given the opportunity to buy tickets. Fifteen!
"We don't know what it will be this year," Banner said. "It could be 20. It could be 12. We don't know yet. But it's like nobody is not renewing their tickets. For the people who already have season tickets, the renewal rate is 99.9-something percent. That's the situation."
Football in Philadelphia in 2007 is unlike any sporting endeavor, and maybe any business endeavor, that this city has ever seen.
In the mid-1980s, just a little more than two decades ago, the Eagles were selling about 50,000 season tickets. That was the bottom, after a players strike in 1982 and three losing seasons under coach Marion Campbell, right before Buddy Ryan came to town.
Two decades. Now, the Eagles sell out a stadium that holds about 69,000 people and have almost that many more people waiting for the chance to buy in. Except the demand is even greater because virtually every name on that waiting list has expressed the desire to buy at least two tickets, and some more.
"At a minimum, we're talking about a demand for 120,000 seats," Banner said. "But that's if they're all legitimate, real names. We're not sure about that. We don't think there are 60,000 people who would all buy tickets tomorrow if given the chance. The truth is, we don't know how many people just did it on a whim, how many are really serious. But the list is massive."
And if you want to find out where you stand on that massive list? This is where it gets interesting. The genesis of this column was an e-mail from a reader who joined the list in 2003 and has been unable to get a straight answer out of the Eagles' ticket department about where he stands.
He wrote:
"I have been calling [and/or e-mailing] for the past three years, and each time I receive the same response: that they're working on it, but have no clue when they'll have a numbered list they can access.
"While Rome was not built in a day, I [and presumably the rest of the people on the waiting list] think that three+ years is more than ample time to come up with a numerical ranking, and that it is extremely neglectful to one's fans and customers not to be able to do so; or at the very least to not give a timeframe in which one can expect they will be able to do so." COULD IT BE? IS THIS TONY THE TIGER?? 
You run this by Banner and his initial response is a wisecrack: "Do they want to get depressed?" But it's a legitimate question, and Banner knows it. There are plenty of people who believe that there really is no waiting list at all, that the names are gathered simply for marketing purposes under the guise of creating a list.
After all, at the bottom of the list application, it does say, "By providing this information, I agree to be part of the Eagles' database and to receive team-related news, information regarding sweepstakes and contests, merchandise sales, and other promotional opportunities and information."
There are plenty of people who have been frustrated over the years with the club's refusal to give them a number, like in a bakery. A search of the message boards on the Eagles' Web site indicates that the topic pops up every once in a while.
"Here is what's supposed to happen when somebody calls," Banner said. "If the person is in the top quartile of the list, we tell them that. If they're not in the top quartile, we don't give them a number. But we do have a list. It is numbered and it is ordered."
But, honestly, why keep adding to the list when there is no earthly chance of getting a ticket? Isn't it just about creating that database at this point? Banner says no.
"A lot of teams in the league do stuff with the list," Banner said. "We're debating this. When we put single-game or standing-room-only tickets on sale, should we give these people the first crack? We don't, but should we? This is the kind of thing we talk about. Some teams charge to be on the list. Some make you put in a deposit. We've debated it but haven't done any of it."
In the meantime, the list grows. It is absurd. Banner said, "People assume, 'They'll have a few down years, people will get tired of the losing, they'll have more cancellations, and then ... ' Needless to say, I hope they're wrong."
A final word, about Rome not being built in a day. Legend has it that it was built in 753 B.C., which was about 2,760 years ago, which is not in the top quartile.
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